I think a lot of people spent their childhoods being very deliberately forced out of their comfort zones by parents / teachers / whomever in a way that was just deeply unpleasant and degrading and so, when they reach young adulthood and are finally allowed real control over their lives, become set on only doing things they know they're comfortable with forever. that's a really important thing to be able to do, especially if you're so used to having your boundaries routinely ignored that you aren't even certain what you like vs what you can bear, so I absolutely see why a person would have a negative reaction to being told that discomfort is good: it can very easily sound like being told that all that work they've been doing to prioritze their needs for the first time ever is Bad and Selfish, actually. and to that I will say two things:
one: as long as you aren't hurting or, like, being a dick to anyone, just staying in your comfort zone isn't an immoral action. if you just want to read one type of book (or just fanfiction), or just eat one type of food, or just watch one type of movie, or not go to new types of social events, you aren't being a bad person for that, and if people say that, they are soundly wrong and just trying to get a self-righteousness kick.
two: trying new things because you want to expand yourself feels a hell of a lot different than trying new things because you're being forced to. you'll feel better about trying new foods if you know you have a back up familiar one in case you can't stomach the new one, it's easier to read new books if you can experiment with audio versions or reading it in little five-page chunks by yourself, you can breathe a lot easier going somewhere new if you aren't chained there for three hours because your parent is your ride home, etc.
tl;dr: new things are good. I get why you might not want to try new things, and that's fine, but it's also more comfortable to try new things as an adult with your own agency so, yeah, what have you got to lose by trying a weird old art film?
one thing Iâll add: the secret hack for learning to do new things when you werenât allowed to have boundaries as a kid is 1) always give yourself an out, and 2) practice using them LIBERALLY.
Trying a new food? You can stop at a single bite. Bored at the cinema? You can walk out mid-movie. Really want to go to a friendâs party but youâre also exhausted? You can plan on just going for 30 minutes, and you can leave even sooner if that ends up being too long.
The more you practice using outs liberally, the more you reinforce to your body that you are capable of protecting yourself.
I only started being able to go to weekly activites consistently once I started giving myself an out at every step. i.e:
- Iâve gotten ready and then not left the house
- Iâve driven there and then driven straight back
- Iâve left halfway through lessons
- Iâve modified or plain skipped the exercises that were flaring my POTS, or making me feel dysphoric, or that I just didnât feel like doing that day.
The result? Iâve attended the most sessions out of any weekly hobby Iâve tried to do for the past several years. And itâs actually getting a little easier every week.
