Every book in the History of Literature summed up in a single sentence
I ugly-laughed at several of these.
I CAN’T. STOP. LAUGHING. FUCKING. CHRIST.
ENDING ON … I can’t even say it …
MARRIAGE IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT AND SO ARE CLOCKS.
Game of Thrones Daily

Origami Around

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Acquired Stardust
trying on a metaphor
Today's Document
hello vonnie

Product Placement

Kiana Khansmith
art blog(derogatory)

Discoholic 🪩

Andulka

Janaina Medeiros
cherry valley forever
Three Goblin Art
taylor price
Peter Solarz
Cosimo Galluzzi

roma★

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@warronblogs
Every book in the History of Literature summed up in a single sentence
I ugly-laughed at several of these.
I CAN’T. STOP. LAUGHING. FUCKING. CHRIST.
ENDING ON … I can’t even say it …
MARRIAGE IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT AND SO ARE CLOCKS.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Shit That Was Big in My Books 2017 - Gaming
The only games on this list that I've actually finished are Persona 5 and Pokemon Sun, but I greatly look forward to beating the rest over the next few months.
Shit That Was Big In My Books 2017 - Watchin Stuff
Stuff that didn’t necessarily come out in 2017, but was definitely new to me and the highlight of MY 2017.
Shit That Was Big In My Books 2017 - Music
I’m starting to get back on the horse tracking stuff that was important to me culturally, because everything gets lost in a bit of a haze otherwise. To be included in a Shit That Was Big In My Books list, I have to have really discovered or had something become tremendously important to me in 2017. Here’s the music side of that: Sorority Noise - Their Entire Discography
This is the heart of my 2017. Cameron Boucher’s lyrics are beautiful and his vocal performances are like a punch to the gut. I don’t think I can articulate how much their music means to me. "I'm not trying to say it's easy / But I'm trying to say it's fine" is absolutely something we need to say, to ourselves and to each other, as we try to hang in and make things a little less shitty.
Julienne Baker - Ditto
2017 is the year I got really into modern emo, like fully embraced my destiny as emo trash. Julienne Baker sounds like I've felt at my worst, but with the crucial addition of hope. In Claws in My Back there's a section at the end where, instead of railing against it, she sings to God of her mental illness: "I think I can love / the sickness you made". What a beautiful thought. Her and Cameron Boucher of Sorority Noise are absolutely some of my favourite musicians of all time, and I’ve discovered them this year, which is rad as hell.
Aldous Harding - Party
Look at this dramatic goth ass nerd. What a good nerd who makes good sounds. Friggin Joanna Newsome ish weirdo, look at you.
Carly Rae Jepsen - Emotion
I put this off for a million years AND IM SORRY OKAY YOU WERE ALL RIGHT THIS IS FUN AS HELL IT’S A PURE SUGAR HIGH
Sheer Mag
I already though Sheer Mag was fun to listen to, with their whole socially conscious classic rock AC/DC-ass vibe, and then I saw that the lead singer Tina Halliday kinda looked like me and I fell whole heartedly in love with them because you never see cool big chicks fronting rock bands (Beth Ditto i also lu i just like Sheer Mag’s music more).
The Mountain Goats - Goths
I stan for the Mountain Goats and was a high school goth of course this is on here.
Honourable mention because in all likelihood it would be on here but I haven’t listened to it yet: Perfume Genius’s latest
Goals for 2018
Exercise for half an hour or more 104 times
Let’s keep a good thing goin
Take a self defense class
Learn to drive
to the point that I could drive on a city street adequately and without having a panic attack
Make at least one game prototype
Don’t buy myself any clothing
I own enough clothing
Post to le blog 25 Times
Only order food in once a month for three months in a row

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2017 Goals & Year in Review: the Good, the Bad, the Undone
The Goal Report
Exercise for half an hour 104 times
I did it! Finally! After carrying the goal forward multiple times! I had a total of 109 half an hour or longer exercise sessions in 2017. I tracked them with stickers on the calendar and the stickers fill me with embarrassing pride.
Take swimming lessons
I totally did this and they fixed my problem (which was not remembering any of the basics of official swim strokes and also being bad at breathing in front crawl) BUT I also was accidentally in the advanced stroke development class and didn’t realize it until like a month in and that was so humiliating that I didn’t attend the rest BUT I accomplished what I wanted from swimming lessons so this still counts as done.
Take self defence course
Once again this is being carried over. At least I’m really good at threading my keys in my knuckles? (Update: I have just learned this is in fact not a useful self defence skill. Well.)
Finish wedding albums
I might do this by the time I die idk.
Update blog 25 times
Maybe when I’m on research leave this’ll actually get done. Or I’ll just keep wishful thinking about it year after year.
2017 in Review
best moments in gaming journalism
journalist gets real yakuza members to play yakuza 3 and asks for their opinions on its authenticity
that’s it
highlights:
“What’s with all the fucking gaijin in this area?” “Dude, don’t say that, use gaikokujin, it’s nicer.” “Oh, shit, right. What’s with all the fucking gaikokujin in this area?”
“The breaded pork cutlet bento box is like mega power. More than ramen. That’s accurate.”
all of them start dragging kiryu for his shitty cheap shirt for five minutes
“Shooting people sends a message.” “So does shooting anything.”
(after being told that massage parlors, mahjong, and hostess clubs were cut from the US version) “I feel sorry for the people who bought the American version. SEGA USA sucks.”
S: I don’t know any ex-yakuza running orphanages. K: There was one a few years ago. A good guy. M: You sure it wasn’t just a tax shelter? K: Sure it was a tax shelter but he ran it like a legitimate thing. You know.
“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)
“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON. I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO? PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON. WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON. ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES? THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE. YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“
I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.
I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”
Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….
Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”
“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “
“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”
“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “
“Right. Um. Well.”
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”
“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢ “
“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”
“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “
“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”
“ I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ ͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞ ̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟ ̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).
IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!
Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally.
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)
This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash
OMIGOSH I’m in love.
I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS
This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
If you haven’t read this before, it’s totally worth the time.
Accessibility, UX, & LibGuides - The Minimum
The following is adapted from a training session I gave for my workplace’s Hump Day Huddle Up training series. It’s a primer in basic stuff to do to avoid your LibGuides being a hot mess.
Accessibility - How to Avoid Being an Ableist Loser
Fonts Fonts Fonts*
*to be sung to the tune of Motley Crue’s Girls Girls Girls
1em allows font to automatically resize according to user preference - if you must use pixels, 16px is good.
Fonts should be sans serif for screen use.
Examples: Calibri, Arial, Franklin Gothic
MIND YOUR CONTRAST
When in doubt, black on white or white on black.
Tool to check colour contrast located here
Follow these rules to avoid your users going full SpongeBob.
[image: spongebob with red bleary eyes from eye strain]
Images
Every. Single. Image. Needs. Descriptive. Alt. Text.
For an example of how to do this, check out my alt text below the embedded image. In Tumblr, you sometimes have to place it below the image - in LibGuides, you right click on the image and put it under alt text in “Image Properties”.
[Image: An image of a brown Australian shepherd cuddling a small plastic Pikachu, illustrative of how cute the author’s dog is.]
Make sure your alt text is descriptive of both the image's contents and any function it may serve!
Multilingual Pages?
Switching languages? Use language tags! Language tags can be attached in <p> for paragraphs or <span> tags for sentences/words.
<p> This sentence is in English. </p>
<p lang="en-GB"> This sentence will be read with a British accent </p>
<p lang="es"> Esta frase es en español. </p> (Spanish)
<span lang="fr"> Cette phrase est en français </span> (French)
To Find Your Language Code, Use the Following Tables: ISO 639 Code Tables
PDFs and Documents
You MUST use only accessible PDFs and documents.
Click here to access some accessible document tutorials.
If you HAVE to use an inaccessible document, place an active offer to make said document accessible on demand and prepare to follow through.
Videos
Closed caption all your videos!
It’s super easy with YouTube and a script handy.
Not scripting? Idk what to say to you.
jk I do it’s “start scripting your videos bruh”
Provide descriptive video or a text-only descriptive option for your visually impaired users.
A brief rundown on descriptive video here.
Fancy Web Stuff
Limit Tabs - 6 or less is good!
Avoid creating content that refreshes the page without user input.
It’s real rough for users with voice controlled mouse movement.
If you must use a slider it should be for an image reel and not for functional content.
Sliders cause difficulties for people with mobility issues.
Test Your MIGHT
Test your LibGuides for screen reader compatibility to avoid formatting errors that make your page unusable internet swampland.
To test for free:
Click here to learn about testing with Firefox and NVDA
Click here for testing with Firefox and FANGS (a visual display of screen reader interpretations of websites)
General UX - Don’t Look Like a Mess
Your Users Don’t Have to Read These You Know
Users skim information - build so they can skim!
Use subheadings, lists, etc.
Avoid paragraphs or lists longer than 6-8 bullet points.
Write like a person, not an academic.
“We” offer services. “You” can use them.
Plain, concise language and a personal tone go a long way.
Simplicity is key.
Avoid overwhelming users.
You’re Making a Functional Tool So Design Like It
Remember the F shape of user eye patterns when designing!
Most important content is top and to the left
Make each page as if the person using it has never been trained on subject guides, libguides, or libraries before.
If you can do this, you’ve attained the minimum standard in LibGuides accessibility and UX! Of course, you should still conduct user testing to determine your layouts and content are working as intended, but at least this way they can use what’s there to begin with.
In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.
“They live so long…but the good ones still bond with us for our entire lives.”
“These immortals are so kind we must be good friends to them”
My heart wtf
Not gonna lie, this fucked me up a bit.
POV Fantasy slice of life book when?
“Now I am old. The fur around my muzzle is grey and my joints ache when we walk together. Yet she remains unchanged, her hair still glossy, her skin still fresh, her step still sprightly. Time doesn’t touch her and yet I love her still.”
“For generations, he has guarded over my family. Since the days of my great-great-great-great-great-grandfather he has kept us safe. For so long we thought him immortal. But now I see differently, for just as my fur grows gray and my joints grow stiff, so too do his. He did not take in my children, but gave them away to his. I will be the last that he cares for. My only hope is that I am able to last until his final moments. The death of one of his kind is so rare. The ending of a life so long is such a tragedy. He has seen so much, he knows so much. I know he takes comfort in my presence. I only wish that I will be able to give him this comfort until the end.”

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Looking Back - 2016
Before I enter the nostalgia zone, let's check in on my goals from last year. Strikethroughs mean I did the thing, italics mean I failed like a doof, bold is commentary:
complete the remedial schoolgirl package NOPE
buy a jump rope, learn to jump rope (jump continuously for thirty seconds) didn't even get to the buying a rope stage!
learn to do a cartwheel successfully tried once and fell over
exercise for half an hour 104 times more like 30 times, max
take self defense course no but hear me out this one is not my fault, they didn't offer it at any time during the year except when I was going on strike, i emailed them like three times about it
(the one on my campus is called Rape Aggression Defense which… seems really intense to me? couldn’t we call it repelling muggers 101? gonna ask the class leader from security about it) the guy I asked basically said "it's just what it's called"
update blog 25 times HAHAHAHAHA
have an article accepted for publication check and check i did two
apply for promotion i applied and they haven't told me to redo the app so this is super done
finish wedding albums and thank you cards this is really depressing
okay this may look funny but seriously it might take me all bloody year to do it SERIOUSLY THIS IS SO DEPRESSING
eat an entire cheesecake *pops own collar*
snorp
A couple days ago a friend asked me how to color a character in an environment so I decided to throw together this quick tutorial!
I hope some people find it useful!
bunnies, gather!
HIS DAD IS A DITTO
I AM NOT OKAY *SOBS*
My heart
NO CRYING ALLOWED
;-;

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming