warmed soda

I would hate it if this happened to me.

Men don’t go heyyyybatterbatterswingbatterbatterswing like they used to anymore

love this person knowing enough about baseball to know about the pitch clock and not enough to even approximate the league’s acronym

Tried to explain a little life to someone who’s never heard of it the other day I struggled so bad I was like he’s molested……and then he’s a lawyer…….he gets his legs amputated……he goes on vacation…….a pedophile hit him with their car so that’s why he had to get he’s legs amputated…..his boyfriend dies in a car accident….he lives in New York…..and has 3 friends.

i need to come up with a way to say “i mean like, movies for grownups” that doesn’t make me feel like a villain

I’m obsessed with my 19 year old coworker. I was telling him about how my crashout divorced dad got a sugar mommy by going to random churches and having screaming sobbing breakdowns in the pews until a random rich christian widow was like ‘I can fix him’. And he went ‘yo thats tech. The meta is changing.’