Rowhouse System Sideblooog.

the system experience of being blurry is always so wild because it's like, it feels like knowing who you are should be very simple, but then suddenly it's impossible to tell and it's like "am I this guy? am I someone else but masking heavily? am I new here? am I multiple people co-fronting? what even is a person? can I ever truly know myself? do I even exist? what if I'm a figment of another alter's imagination?" and then you listen to the right song or something and it's like "oh of course"

“if you take medication for that, you’ll be taking medication all your life!!” yeah, and?? bud, i already put on my glasses every morning. it’s like. a condition of mine, not a side hobby i’m pursuing irresponsibly. 

oh don’t worry im not *dependent* on drugs, i just happen to like it when my brain works every day

My brain, having a meltdown like a toddler: I just can’t do it! I don’t want to !! I can’t!! Me, parenting my tired toddler brain: Take a deep breath, it’s going to be ok. We don’t have to do everything today that’s overwhelming you. Let’s pick the most important thing to work on, ok? What’s the smallest step we can do to work towards that? My toddler brain, wiping away tears: Um, I think we should…open up the important spreadsheet and look at the first row. Me, parenting my tired toddler brain: Great! Let’s do that, and then we can have a popsicle, ok? My toddler brain: *nods through drying tears, upset, but cooperative*

This is emotional regulation and as an ADHD person who grew up in an ADHD household, I *had no idea how it worked or how to do it* until I started working with my current therapist who was like, “actually relying purely on forcing yourself to do the things that make you sad or upset is not actually a sustainable approach”