Autistic chronically ill person trying to keep the existential dread at bay. Early 30s. Living life with DID and focusing on trauma recovery. Queer and trans. Cat parent. Shark lover. They/them.
I'm an early 30s white adult with DID, and collectively we go by felis (they/them). I use this blog to write about my lived experiences as a queer, trans, disabled, autistic person with DID. This is primarily a trauma recovery blog where we focus on our collective life with DID and our work towards learning about each other, growing with each other, and healing together.Ā I'm a licensed mental health counselor and often post about my job and the complexities of navigating that as a disabled person with DID. I also like sharks a lot. And Jellycats.
Our username is a nod to Richard Kluft's OG paper on DID called "The Phenomenology and Treatment of Extremely Complex Multiple Personality Disorder." Throughout the paper, he refers to his research participants as "complex multiples" and that's a title we've jokingly and lovingly reclaimed for ourselves since our system is pretty complex and confusing.
Click the read more for more details about us, our system, our life, and our blog boundaries.
We believe that our DID system is polyfragmented, which is a label we understand as referring to systems with a large number of parts and fragments (typically 100+), who also have complex splitting patterns, more frequency in splitting, complex internal organizations often including layers, levels, and subsystems, many parts with hyper-specific roles, and often (but not always) a complex inner world. Some parts shy away from this term or feel like it doesn't apply to us, but many of us feel like it's a helpful lens for understanding why our experiences can sometimes be different from people with OSDD/DID who aren't polyfragmented.
A lot of parts post on this blog and we usually don't sign our names to posts. We often front in clusters instead of individually, and we also switch frequently because our system functions by utilizing many different parts with different roles who all help us get through the day. As such, weāre often blended and blurry and donāt always know who exactly is around.Ā We're also actively working on integration and this is bringing us closer together, but also making it harder to identify and distinguish between each other.
I am a cult survivor. I spent most of my childhood connected to a few different extremist fundamentalist and Christo-fascistĀ āChristianā cults, and the rest of my adolescence and early adulthood in a very toxic and controlling church that wasnāt much better than the cult. I experienced many different types of abuse and trauma as a result of these communities and the influence of the cult on my family system. We write about our journey to process and heal from these experiences.Ā We are also exploring the possibility that some of these groups and/or our extended family had OA ties and that we experienced RAMCOA in conjunction with that. We write about that almost exclusively on our personal sideblog (if you're a mutual or an established follower who we've interacted with, you can DM us and ask us for that blog's URL).
We collectively identify as a queer and non-binary trans person and have the most wonderful wife in the entire world. We live together with our three cats, one of whom thinks sheās the queen of our household (sheās not wrong), another who is a beautiful visually impaired chaotic disaster who doesnāt know how to be a cat, and a third who has cerebellar hypoplasia and is just wobbling her way through life.
If you interact with us or follow us from a k!nk blog or trauma/core blog with untagged references to SH, SI, or CSA, we will likely block you for the sake of our mental health and boundaries. We generally try to stay out of syscourse and prefer to just focus on what's useful for us and our recovery. Otherwise, asks are always open to people who would like to respectfully interact, learn more about us, or ask questions about our experiences with DID, our life, our work, interests, therapy, etc. Some parts in particular really receiving asks related to our experience as a therapist with DID who specializes in trauma and dissociation.
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Some is better than none. Some is better than none. Some is better than none. Walking for three minutes, is better than nothing. Drinking a glass of water and eating a snack, is better than nothing. Wiping down the counter, is better than nothing. Small things are not nothing. Small things are not nothing. Small things are not nothing. You donāt have to achieve grand things if all youāre capable of right now is the smaller things. They are still achievements. Donāt do nothing just because you donāt think youāre capable of doing bigger things, just do something youāre capable of today. ļæ¼
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
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Okay survived our nieceās first birthday partyā¦which was likeā¦āhosting a whole ass wedding in your backyardā level of intensity. There was a custom banner. There was a balloon arch. There was a giant inflatable pink bow tied to the fence. (GIANT.) There was a giant white tent. There was a bounce house. There were coordinating custom shirts for the immediate family members. There was an absolutely bonkers spread of food (pollo guisado, mole, barbacoa, orange rice, three salsa verdes, some kind of cactus pico de gallo thing?, tacos de papaā¦all homemade. All fucking delicious but WOW).
My MIL is so fucking extra itās unreal. It was an unreal event lmao. I spent my evening yesterday blowing up balloons that were a very complex DIY situation of a balloon within another balloon. It was a whole thing. I learned a lot about balloons lmao. Oh also, this event today was outdoorsā¦in June. In the south. The high today was like 90F. So I also had a neck fan and cooling towel on my person the entire time and also was chugging a Liquid IV.
Anyway I survived lol. Got three mosquito bites and a migraine from hell, but I survived. My wife sent me back to the hotel after I started to lose my shit from the itchiness of the bites. Weād already done cake and family photos (with the matching shirts š¤”) and Iād been there for over two hours and had met all the extended family. So I guess I checked all the boxes lol.
Overall very proud of myself for getting through everything. There are some stressful and messy family dynamics between my MIL and BIL, and Iāve gotten a pretty bad migraine the past two days since we got here, but Iāve managed and I feel like I did my part of helping and representing and showing my investment? I really am grateful to be a part of this family. Thereās so much love. And thereās SO MUCH FAMILY. Met a billion tias today who all look the same and Iād never be able to differentiate them lmao. Also everyone is a tia apparently regardless of actual relation. Very cool.
Anyway there was more I wanted to say but Iām too tired and itās too late. But yeah I did good? My Spanish still sucks ass but you know. At least I know more words each visit lol.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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