vvolus

you can pry starting sentences with 'and' or 'but' out of my cold, dead hands

“Dad, why aren’t we allowed to go outside?” your daughter asks one day. But she already knows. There is no outside anymore.

then why the fuck did she ask

hmmmmmm…..

For this game of dodgeball, I will be specifically targeting the gayest and most autistic among you to eliminate. 

Okay so normal rules then

if you think showing ur kids harry potter will radicalize them u are wrong and u should just instead watch a bug’s life and chicken run. there are gays in there, even. no not “canonically,” shut up, i’m old and in my day we simply UNDERSTOOD when a chicken was a lesbian or a stick bug was a gay man with the telepathic connection between our massive gay brains like the baby geniuses. i took a benadryl

stop reblogging this post OP has a foot fetish

Claudia was so fed up in the afterlife that couldn't believe that someone had finally summoned her. So she took it as free therapy and started venting everything she'd been holding in 😭 my girl 😭

Marius: anyway Lestat don't worry if this job is extremely tedious and isolating because I was watching these two for decades before they even acknowledged my existence hahaha Marius: so yeah don't be offended if Akasha doesn't like you or talk to you or acknowledge you that's just part of the job Marius: just enjoy the next several years of her withering silence as you wonder whether she even wants you around and what you're doing with your life Marius: ok bye Marius: -leaves- Akasha: -immediately- oh thank god he's gone anyway hi

I think ianthe is a lesbian but she would fuck augustine if he asked and they'd both have a bad time. she's also definitely fucked babs at least once and they also had a bad time

the arm thing was the best sex she's ever had in her life and that's why she's like that about harrow

What she has done with coronabeth SHE doesn't qualify as sex but anyone else would this is my truth

#"Corona darling don't be dramatic. we're genetically identical; it's essentially just a more complicated wank" #- Ianthe Tridentarius at some point probably #she's the worlds first kinsey 7 but she'll never let that get in the way of the true meaning of sex: #manipulating plotting scheming and gathering blackmail material #she would never use the things she and coronabeth get up to as blackmail material! - ergo: it's not sex

best m/f dynamic is a flamboyant bisexual show-off desperately in love with an extremely practical girl who’s difficult to impress 🤩

Thank you divorce for all you've done for music

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"