uniicornvomiit

having many trinkets and books is so cool and fun until you realize you have to dust them

i have to what

no babe i find your strange and creepy and perverted vibe to be very cute actually

he's so hot i need to feed him the world's most perfect strawberry

did you have the dream i sent you?

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

mai nam is jane and wen i dig i fynde some roks both smol and big i put my tung upon the stone for science yes i lik the bone

I’m sitting with a bunch of archaeologists and we just laughed so hard we CRIED we’re getting tshirts with this on them

*flies past*

Gets abducted by aliens and put in a zoo and slowly figures out how their language works and starts writing swear words on the glass when the alien children walk by

*flies past*

God will see you at the lowest point of your life, and say "what the fuck I thought I killed that thing." But you skitter too fast and you are too creepy.

I hate that ‘bad dream’ just means ‘nightmare’ instead of ‘shitty quality dream.’ I had a bad dream last night. It wasn’t scary it just didn’t make a lot of narrative sense

You're just a mammal. Let yourself act like it. Your brain needs enrichment. Your body needs rest. You feel hunger and grow hair. You need to pack bond with other sentient things so you don't become unsocialized and neurotic. You are biologically inclined to seek dopamine and become sick when chronically stressed. Outrage about hedonism is made up to place moral value on taking pleasure in sensory experiences. I am telling you that if you don't let yourself be a fucking mammal, as you were made, you will suffer and go insane. No grindset no diets no trying to be above your drive for connection. Pursue what makes you feel good and practice radical rejection of the constructs meant to turn you into a machine. You're a mammal.

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

Do you wanna go watch the sunlight pierce the leaves of the forest with me?

y'all ever masturbate so hard you start begging like “fuck.. pls pls pls” even though you’re the one fucking yourself

hey can u check something for me? *kisses you deeply with tongue and slowly pulls away our spit strands clingy to each other’s lips* do I taste like weed to you?