i hate when people are way too into me because i feel like i don’t deserve it… but at the same time, i'm the greatest person to ever exist, so i guess maybe i do

i like women who are so unhinged that you gotta go to the dictionary and find a word even more deranged than just unhinged to describe them

women look so good it makes me wanna end my life and simultaneously also get my life together

"i must be shadow banned" - me after creating a horrific post that gets 1 like

sorry i told your girl she can do better, in my defense, i’m in love with her

you should have to take a course before you're allowed to shop at costco, like don't leave your cart in the middle of the isle blocking everything etc etc

if you can’t love me at my worst then tough luck cause that’s all there is fr

i have to spend money on dumb shit everyday or my soul isn't fulfilled

i'm a big believer in second and third chances, only for me tho, if someone does me wrong, banished from my life forever and ever

my dads upset cause there’s a restaurant that goes by his name and the food sucks, so he thinks they’re ruining his good name

being the bigger person is overrated, go tell their mom and grandma about what they did to you

about to have my morning coffee (yes it's 540pm mind your business)