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I’ve seen a few different versions of this floating around lately, and I wanted to add my own take. I think Shane deserves a little recognition that he can play into jokes like this too. I know he can be a little late on recognizing it with others, but he’s definitely fluent in Ilya. Plus Shane can be a real charmer because he is so earnest.
Also, the Russian is according to Google Translate so my apologies if it’s wrong 🫣 Shane’s contact name is beloved, the first text is darling, and the last one is bunny
Fanfiction is supposed to be cringy. You're allowed to write bad. You're allowed to be cringe. Fanfiction is supposed to be self indulgent. You're allowed to be cringe. Let yourself be cringe. Fanfiction is supposed to be fun. Stop putting arbitrary rules on yourself and be free.
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Welcome to chapter 4! If you prefer the AO3 experience- you can find it here.
“Something wrong with Jane? You look ill, Roz.”
“No. No. Fine.”
After last summer- he’d started talking about...Jane more with his close friends. He hoped they would love what they heard enough to accept them when the news came out. Even if that was not for another decade, he needed to share this love in some way. So conversations about Jane were now common. And he just prayed that none of them would put it together when Shane was surely spotted in the stands tonight. They all knew that he was in the middle of trade negotiations- he knew they were expecting for Jane to be here for him. For the change that none of them wanted to see. And he was- in a way he’d never been before.
“You sure- cause you blushed at that text and now you’re pacing. She finally coming to a game?”
“Something like that.”
“Holy shit.”
“Marly. Not now. Have game.”
He rolled his shoulders, gently stretched his neck and then grabbed his stick and strode from the locker room. If he let this conversation continue- he might just do something stupid like tell him who Jane was. He desperately needed someone to know and that text had been Shane agreeing that he could tell Marly after the next foundation announcement. Just like Shane would be telling Hayden. So a couple more months. Only a couple more months of holding this secret in the dark with one of his dearest friends.
************
“Jesus Christ, Mom. Can you try to not glare at them?”
“It’s fucking Boston.”
“It’s Il–Lily. This is her home team- you can survive one game. It’s the last…we know this is the last one that’ll…please, Mom.”
“I know. I know. And I love…Lily and I know how much she matters to you. But it’s fucking Boston.”
“I love you too.”
He’d debated with Ilya if it was safe for him to sit in the crowd for about two seconds. Between Ilya’s swift ‘blyat’ and his mother’s ‘absolutely not- they burn effigies of you’- they were headed to a suite. Ilya had told him that it was a friends and family suite- which was going to raise a lot of questions. But this had to start somewhere. This deliberate plan to bring the two of them into the world together with the foundation and that would be starting in this suite. Their first joint press release had gone out last week and the hockey world was losing its mind over them teaming up.
Security escorted him through the building- the risks to him were enormous even though Montreal was out of the playoffs and had been for weeks. He adjusted his cap, pulled his jacket a bit tighter around him and kept his pace steady. He knew his mother could see his hands trembling, could feel the nerves radiating off of him- but this would be fine. It was hockey. Even if it was fucking Boston and the entire suite would be ready to kill him. He could make this work- he would be able to talk to them and explain the foundation, explain how he’d actually talked with Ilya during the All Star weekend last year and it had led to them doing this. Which wasn’t a lie- he was just omitting a giant part of why he cared enough to do this.
He walked into the suite and felt the stares as the room went silent. Painfully silent. His mother gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he scanned for a face that looked even remotely friendly. Svetlana offered him a smile and then a wave. Thank goodness she had been in town- Ilya hadn’t been sure when he’d gotten the tickets, but she was a lifeline for him.
“Why the fuck is Shane Hollander here?”
“Ignore her. It’s great to see you again!”
Svetlana patted the seat next to her and he let out a sigh of relief. He felt his mother break off and he moved through the room, smiling and nodding at the family members- taking the glares from the handful of wives in this suite. Knowing he more than deserved it from the times he had definitely roughed their husbands up. He settled next to Svetlana and she gave his hand a quick squeeze before pulling out her phone. A ripple of panic went through him until she held up her screen and he saw their email from earlier this week- when he’d asked her to help with the Irina Foundation. She’d known Ilya’s mother and was one of the few that could help him brainstorm.
“He is not welcome here.”
“I invited him. He’s working with Ilya on establishing a mental health foundation- which is fucking needed. Have you looked at yourselves? For fuck’s sake, Anna- just because he plays for Montreal doesn’t mean he hates Boston.”
“Yes it does. There’s a decade of bad blood between–”
“I don’t hate Boston. I’ve got friends all around the league- even if that is hard to believe that Rozanov is one of them.”
Except he knew that it wasn’t. He’d shown up at one of Scott Hunter’s games this year. He’d stayed an extra day in LA to support a college friend. He had spent this year publicly going to other teams' games. With the hopes that he would be able to do this- with the hope that Ilya would make it late enough in the season that he could come to watch a game and simply point to the last year as evidence that he had friends in the league. And he did. It wasn’t a lie. But he knew that it was flimsy when it was looked at over the last decade- he just hoped that these Boston faithful would buy it.
Anna stormed away and Svetlana just shook her head- then turned back to him with a conspiratorial grin. He’d been so glad when Ilya had accidentally confessed to Svetlana who he was dating one night when he’d drank a bit too much. He should have been pissed- but he was dying to have someone- anyone- other than his parents and Ilya to talk to about his relationship. While they had only exchanged a handful of messages- she had quickly become one of his favorite people.
“For the foundation- my father had a few things. He…it was hard to see what happened to the family…”
“Thank you. I’m surprised he wanted to meet about the foundation before the season was over.”
The lie was placed. The reason that he was in Boston was for this foundation that they’d made a joint statement about a few weeks before. His mother settled next to him and he glanced over to see she had a large alcoholic beverage. The only way that she was going to possibly stay quiet about being in fucking Boston while sitting in a Boston Raiders suite. Her hatred for Boston was so well known that there was no way that he could properly camouflage it. He made a mental note that they were going to have to repay her in some way. He knew just mentioning it to Ilya would mean a grander plan than he could ever think of to show their appreciation. And he knew it wasn’t just his, Ilya wanted her here as well. He wanted the closest woman he’d had to a mother figure to see him doing what he loved, in a place where he was loved.
“You will probably want to stay towards the back of the suite…the average fan will call for your death. Some of them may even be drunk enough to storm the suite.” Svetlana’s whispered warning had him nodding. Ilya knew he was here- the last thing he wanted to do was start a chorus of ‘fuck Hollander’ in the arena tonight. He looked for the monitor and just nodded to himself. It would do- it would have to do.
“Circulate.” Yuna’s whisper is much more practical advice. They need to break down the barriers that make some of Ilya’s dearest friends sneer at him and he was here to take some of those steps tonight. So he settled into things he always did in groups this big- he kept an eye on things that were running out and refilled favorites. He cheered with the group as he cleaned off the counter and he gave piggy back rides when several of the kids were exceptionally bored. He took a shift with a wailing baby who magically calmed in his arms and he watched Greta’s eyes soften. At least there was one of the WAGs that had moved away from hating him to tolerating him. He’d guess at the sound from the little one and the bags under her eyes that this was a daily occurrence.
“I guess you’re fine- for being from Montreal.”
“Glad I could help.”
*************
“Greta at least seemed moved.”
“I’m pretty sure that she’s extremely sleep-deprived. Is her husband even helping with the newborn?”
“Not husband. Boyfriend. I’ll talk. Nice girl- Griffin- only so so.”
“You played well tonight, Ilya. See you boys in the morning.”
Yuna gave Shane a quick hug and a squeeze of his hand. Ilya expected she would leave the room at this point, but instead she walked over and gave him a hug as well. One that he sank into. His mother’s birthday had been last week and for a moment he pretended that Irina was here. Yuna must have noticed and just held him tighter, he heard Shane move and then felt a second set of arms around him. He’d told Shane what last week was, but he hadn’t braved telling Yuna or David. It felt like too much. Of course, Shane had mentioned it to his mother. It was what functioning families did.
He cracked in their arms- what started as leaning into a mother figure turned into sobs and pressing his face into Shane’s neck in hopes that this would pass. He missed her. God, he missed his mother. He heard himself muttering in Russian and he didn’t bother to translate. He knew Shane would catch some of it, he knew Yuna was going nowhere until he settled. She was willing to provide him this stability because of her son- because if he’d never started dating Shane Hollander- he wouldn't have the support he so desperately needed.
“She would have been so proud of you, Ilyushka. I know she would have been.”
“Sh…Shane…”
“Shhh. Just let it out. We’re here. I’m here. My mom is here and she loves you- you’ve held this too long.”
He nodded and just settled into the emotions that overtook him. Tonight had been his last home game with Boston- even if most of the Raiders were unaware. He’d hugged his teammates. Told them that he loved them. Kept himself in check as he knew this was the last time he’d play in front of this crowd as a hometown favorite. This was the one thing that had been steady in his life for almost a decade and while Shane was worth it- their love was worth moving to Ottawa and starting over- this lie was hard to hold.
His sobs slowly turned to hiccups, the hiccups turned to tattered breaths, the tattered breaths evened out. Yuna gave him a squeeze- something passed above his head between her and Shane before she quietly stepped away. Shane scooped him into his lap and rocked him. Slow. Steady. His arms provided the pressure that Ilya had learned Shane craved and he hated to admit how much he’d come to need this from him. He curled in, feeling heavy in his body. A kiss pressed to his forehead, a hand gently stroking his cheek.
“Let me take care of you tonight, Ilya.”
“I…I…okay. I need it.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here. C’mon- let’s get you some rest.”
After they’re outed, Shane and Ilya start to indulge in all the normal “date night” stuff they couldn’t experience before.
Ilya sees a trend on social where a couple picks a color and then goes into a store and have to get the other person things in that color, in specific categories.
They pick red after a lively debate but it’s the color Shane is most ok with when it comes to random food items (he can’t really explain why but Ilya doesn’t need him to), and their categories are: a favorite snack (a treat, not overly healthy), a favorite drink (can’t be their two most likely drinks - coke and ginger ale), and something silly.
Shane is very confident picking out things for Ilya. He keeps an organized list of things Ilya likes in his notes app, so he starts scrolling through that as he wanders away from Ilya.
Ilya is going for vibes, as always, but also has an encyclopedia’s worth of Shane-knowledge locked forever in his brain.
Thirty minutes later they check out in different lines to prolong the surprise, even though Ilya is trying to sneak a peek the whole time.
They get out to Shane’s “boring” car and Ilya insists on going first. For the food he got the red wax Babybel cheeses. They’re hardly a treat for most, but cheese for Shane is practically a sin and Shane gets a soft smile on his face as he pulls them out of the bag. Next is a four pack of fancy blood orange ginger ale.
Shane: We said no ginger ale!
Ilya: Is not *just* ginger ale! Is blood orange! Very different thing!
Shane: Agree to disagree, but I will accept because I really want some ginger ale right now.
Last is a red crop top t-shirt from the women’s section. Shane’s a little confused until Ilya says, “This one is actually more a gift for me.” “Pervert!” Shane says as he balls up and throws the shirt in Ilya’s face. “Ok, my turn!”
Shane starts with the drink. He’d picked some horrible energy drink called something like “Red Card Raspberry” that has more Red Dye 40 in it than should be legal, but he knows Ilya loves these drinks and doesn’t allow himself to have them often because he knows Shane doesn’t like that he drinks them. “I will drink this before next run to be sure I beat you,” Ilya says while wagging his eyebrows at Shane.
Shane hmphs and moves on to the silly item he picked - a red slinky. Ilya scrunches his brows in confusion, but Shane explains, “It’s a slinky!” Which doesn’t mean anything to Ilya. Shane figured this might happen since Ilya’s childhood wasn’t very… fun. He pulls up a video on his phone and shows a slinky going down a set of stairs. Ilya’s face is lit up like he’s a five year old on his birthday morning, and Shane gets a smug little smile on his face. “We can try it out when we get home.” Ilya pulls him across the cars center console for a kiss.
Shane pulls away, “Hold on! There’s one more…” as he pulls out a red can of whipped cream. He knows Ilya likes to put it on his coffee, but they rarely keep it in the house.
Ilya is looking at Shane like he’s going to eat him.
Shane: You know, for your morning coffee?
Ilya: I think I will use it on something else.
The next morning the red crop top and empty red whipped cream can are thrown on their bedroom floor. Ilya and Shane are snuggled up together, and Shane looks up at Ilya. But Ilya’s looking at something on top of their dresser.
Shane: You’re thinking about the slinky, aren’t you?
Ilya: I think I’ve earned it, no?
They spend the rest of that morning drinking coffee (with no whipped cream) and wandering the house seeing all the ways Ilya can think to test out the slinky.
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Ilya grins and gives a slow chuckle. “I think you are expecting me to say Hockey, but my answer is doubles luge.”
“Doubles luge?” Anania gives Ilya a quizzical look.
Ilya smiles at them, “Can I see you in your office?”
Anania giggles and turns around with Ilya.
“Do you watch the Olympics?” Ilya asks in a low voice.
“I–famously–don’t watch sports.” Anania shakes her head. “I’m so sorry, I know you are both Sports Guys TM, but I’m out of my depth.”
Ilya holds their elbow, and shakes his head, waving his other hand. “Is okay, Shane watches enough sports for both of you.”
Anania laughs.
“Luge is when a man lays on his back on a sled and goes down slippery ice tunnel down hill very fast.”
“Ohhhh, okay, I think I’ve seen that before.”
“Yes, and doubles luge is when two men lie on top of each other, strap themselves to the sled, and go down slippery ice tunnel very fast, together. Oh, and they wear skin tight clothing, leaves nothing to the imagination.”
“Wow!” Anania looks shocked. “They strap themselves to the–”
“Mmhm.” Ilya nods with a knowing smile.
“Are they face to face?”
“No, they are both face up, so—”
“Ass to—”
“Ass to Cock” Ilya laughs. “It’s either very brave or very stupid. I can’t decide which. Also, technically, it’s a mixed gender sport, but it’s male dominated. Men choose to only partner with men.”
“Wow, wow, wow.” Anania turns back around and Ilya follows. “That was the correct answer.”
Ilya gives a look of recognition, “Oh, there’s that place in Lower Town, what’s it called?” He waves his hand around and looks to the side, trying to think.
“Find it.”
“They have drag shows there, very fun, what’s the name?”
“You watch drag, who’s your favorite drag queen?” Anania jumps on the mention.
Ilya looks her up and down, “Are…you a…drag queen?”
“Yes!”
“Then you of course! Vy – prekrasnaya koroleva!” You are a beautiful queen! Ilya winks.
“Oh my god, Ilya!” Shane calls in exasperation.
Anania poses flirtatiously, “Oh, such a charmer!”
“He didn’t even answer the question yet!” Shane shouts.
Ilya turns to him, “What’s that bar called?”
“I am not helping you!” Shane says heatedly.
“The Lookout? Or something like that?”
“Yes! Work!” Anania smiles with pride. “What about Boston?”
Ilya shakes his head, “I didn’t go to any in Boston. I didn’t feel like I could yet.”
“Awe sweetie!” Ilya pouts her lip.
“In New York though, there’s the Kingfisher. When you go in, tell them Rozanov sent you, they love me there.” Ilya winks at the camera and gives a flirtatious smile.
“Ahh! Tell ‘em!” Anania grins.
“I know the owners, Kip and Kyle.” Ilya chuckles.
Shane lets out a laugh from behind the camera.
“I love that!”
“Have you been?” Ilya asks.
“Not yet, I will have to go now.”
“What are you doing after this?”
“Ilya!” Shane calls out. “I’m right here!”
Ilya just shakes his head in annoyance. “You can come too, if you want.”
Anania licks her lips and fans herself with the cue cards. “Boys, stop fighting over me!”
“Okay, don’t name them, but how many closeted athletes do you know of?”
Ilya’s eyes go wide and he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. He licks his lips, and lets out a playful chuckle. “Sooo many.”
“I knew it! They’re all out there getting into each other’s hotel rooms…”
Ilya chuckles. “Uh huh.”
“Do you know of any outside of Hockey, or…?”
Ilya grins and nods. “Oh yeah.”
“Really? Ya’ll have a group chat?”
Ilya laughs, “Yes, absolutely we do. Is great group chat.”
“I live! Work!”
Ilya’s still smiling, but gives a more genuine answer, “Yeah, is interesting time to be gay in sports. For so long, all of us were alone in our closets. But, people like Scott, and others–they made a way forward. Now, a lot of athletes are still in the closet, but they can at least reach out to those that are out and have that support. I had lots of athletes–both professional and not–reach out to me and tell me how much it meant to them.”
“Awe, I love that.”
“I mean, there are some that didn’t come out to me that I just clocked.”
Anania cackles.
“Some I clocked who haven’t even come out to themselves.” Ilya gives a coy smile.
“You know that’s right!” Anania laughs. “They’ll get there.”
“Yeah. I might give them a little nudge.” Ilya gestures a push with his hands.
Anania cackles.
“Do you want to go to bar tonight? Oh, I didn’t tell you is gay bar? My bad, so sorry.” Ilya holds up his hands in surrender.
Anania bends over laughing.
“Next minute, where is my friend? I came to bar with friend, and he went home with someone else!”
Anania stumbles, she’s laughing so hard, elbowing Ilya, “Stop it! I can’t!”
Shane sighs and hangs his head. “I don't remember.” He whines.
“Okay, that tracks.” Anania scrunches her nose at the camera in an expression of disappointment. “You know, you can’t say you don’t remember if you never knew it in the first place.”
“No, I did at one point know. I know it was before the US.”
“Sure.” Anania sighs. “Remind me where you’re from again?”
“Ottawa.” Shane answers.
“And that’s in…”
“Canada.”
“Right, right. Okay. So you lived through this event and you don’t remember when it was?”
“Well, I was probably pretty young. Let me think. It was probably when I was in middle school. Was it…2002?
“Okay, it was 2005.”
“I was close!”
“Yeah, okay. It’s like the clit, you don’t get points for close.”
“Yeah just ask Rose Landry!” Ilya shouts.
“Alright, you can drag me, but don’t share Rose’s personal life all over the internet.” Shane glared at Ilya.
“Oh, tell ‘em!” Anania chuckles.
“Okay, I’ll text her, see if she cares.”
“Alright, while you do that…” Anania flips to the next card. “What is your star sign?”
“Oh. I have no idea.”
“Shocking. Who could have predicted.” Anania scoffs. “What’s your birthday?”
“May 10th.”
“Okay, you’re a Taurus.” Anania supplies. “Which makes a lot of sense.”
Shane just looks bewildered. “In a good way?”
“It’s not good or bad, it just fits. I see it.”
“Rose says it’s fine!” Ilya shouts.
Shane just shakes his head in exasperation.
Excerpt 7: Trying to Guess if Shane Hollander is Gay, Straight, or a Homophobe | Gaydar
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Anania flips to the next cue card, “What does cisgender mean?”
“Oh sure, give the Russian an English vocabulary question.” Ilya stalls.
Anania laughs, “Hey now I–famously–do not write the questions.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“So do you know what it means?”
Ilya sighs, scrunching up his nose, “Uh ...is another type of gender like nonbinary?”
Anania scrunches her face a little, “Okay, well nonbinary isn’t one gender, it’s a spectrum, it’s anyone who falls along the spectrum from male to female.”
Ilya closes his eyes and nods, “Yes, yes, yes. That’s what I meant to say.”
Anania nods, “Okay, yeah and cisgender is anyone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth.”
“Mmm, okay so opposite of trans?”
“Yeah, it’s like straight, for gender.” Anania explains.
“Ilya nods, okay, so I’m cisgender?”
Anania laughs, “Well don’t tell me that, because I’m supposed to be guessing.”
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