and that’s whirred up!

“I guess not?????” Rachel continued, before re-reading the letter, and then her husband, who was a paralegal in a former life,  “They summoned our cat for jury duty. Is that legal??”

Josh looked at her, seemingly also remembering he was once a paralegal. 

“No,” Josh answered, and then remembered what they were actually talking about. “He’s a cat; he’d have to be eligible to vote.” 

“Is he eligible to vote??” Rachel repeated, “He’s a CAT.” 

Josh shrugged. 

“We should call someone,” Josh said.

Rachel agreed; they couldn’t send her cat to jury duty.

—

“Is the name correct on the summons?” the county clerk said over the phone, sounding bored.

“I mean yes,” Rachel answered, feeling a little insane. “But he’s a cat. 

“Is he a legal resident of the country?” The clerk continued over the phone.

“Yes?” Rachel answered bemused, she’d found the stray on a cold day sleeping on her PC. “He’s legally a cat.”

“Ma’am, if he received a summons, he needs to appear or file an exemption,” the clerk continued. 

Rachel was silent for a moment. What the fuck was happening?

“He can’t file anything!” Rachel couldn’t believe this. “He’s a cat. He has paws. What do I even file?” 

There was silence on the other side of the line. Rachel wondered if the reality of this conversation was finally hitting the clerk. 

“File under medical exemption.”

“What medical exemption???”

“He’s a cat,” the clerk continued, tone indicating that Rachel was the one being ridiculous now, “It will prevent him from serving.”

Rachel stared at the phone before clicking to the medical exemption form; at least now this weird episode would be over.

—-

It wasn’t. 

“It got rejected,” Rachel explained to Janice later that week at coffee. 

“What do you mean??” Janice replied, pointing at the cat himself, asleep in the carrier next to Rachel’s feet. “Python is a cat.” 

“Insufficient documentation,” Rachel rolled her eyes. “That’s why I was at the vet today. I had to get proof that Python Glass is a very cute tabby cat, and can’t sit with a jury of human peers.” 

Janice laughed, “What did your vet say?” 

Rachel snorted, “This is the weirdest request they’ve ever had but they sent over documentation.”

“What if that doesn’t work?” Janice asked.

“Josh is going to have to leave the cafe to his teen employees,” Rachel said grimly. 

Janice felt a cold fear ripple through her. 

“Please do not leave my niece in charge of anything; she’s only responsible when she wants to be.” 

—-

“For jury duty, please provide your ID to security, who will direct you to the waiting room.”

Josh sighed as he began to move towards the security line, feeling ridiculous, holding both a sheaf of documents and a cat carrier. 

“Sir,” some sort of court worker stopped Josh as he walked to the security line, “I’m sorry you can’t bring your cat into jury duty.”

“Technically, if anything, I’m accompanying him,” Josh said, feeling a little bad about how confused the court worker looked but this was Not His Fault.

“Sir, I’ll have to ask you to come back without your cat,” the court worker continued, clearly trying to move past what Josh had said. 

“Listen, I’d love to go home,” Josh continued, getting out the pages of documentation he’d come with. “But the court summoned my cat to jury duty.” 

“I-What-huh?” The court worker’s internal script had clearly been interrupted. 

“This is my cat, Python Glass,” Josh opened the carrier a little bit, very glad they’ve summoned sweet Python and not his chaos gremlin Patches, “If you look at your list, you summoned him for jury duty.”

“There’s no way we…” the court worker trailed off, looking at a list on his phone. “Oh. Multiple exemptions requested.” 

“It is very funny, and it has filled my life with whimsy,” Josh continued, “but please don’t let him decide the fate of anyone’s life.”

“…” The court worker continued to look shocked before saying very quietly, “We’ll mark him dismissed and struck from the pool.”

“Perfect, thank you so much,” Josh turned to leave, so glad he didn't have to explain to his wife that their cat would continue to sit on a jury of their peers.

Python meowed loudly as Josh walked away.

“No, I’m not taking you back; you have no business there.”

Python meowed again as though disagreeing.