Let's do the time warp again!

“Name one historical gay person.” Anania asks.

“Historical?” Cliff repeats incredulously.

“Yes.”

“They told you I play hockey, right?”

Anania laughs. “Just one out of all of history.”

Cliff shifts his weight back and forth with his hands in his pockets. “I’m not sure I could name any historical figure, Jesus.”

Anania chuckles, “Well, Jesus is a historical figure, jury’s still out on if he was gay or not.”

Cliff laughs. “He did hang out with all those disciples.”

Anania turns to Cliff animatedly, “This is what I’ve been saying!”

Excerpt 2

ANANIA: Name something a gay person would have in their Instagram photo dumps. Ilya thinks for a moment. ILYA (calling off camera): Shane! What do you have in your Instagram photo dumps? Anania lets out a startled laugh. … Or: Ilya goes on Gaydar, the web series where Anania Williams finds out if someone is gay, straight, or a homophobe

Summary -> The title's self-explanatory, Shauna is indeed on Gaydar.

Warnings -> gay people actually being happy and having fun (unrealistic), minor jackieshauna (its not a warning but a heads up)

Info -> 1.8k words

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Shauna's a famous writer and even more famously a bisexual.

But she's more like bi minus the 'b' if it stands for 'boy' and including the 'i' if it stands for 'in a relationship with Jackie Taylor.' Because, sure. Theoretically she can date a guy. Maybe some brooding, lanky artist that smokes weed and does acid. Not that she would. Not in this universe at least.

Why? Because Shauna is also famously a misandrist.

Shauna didn't call herself that. She didn't need to. That clip taken in 2019 pre-covid where she was dumping her drink atop of Jeff, a much taller guy to the point that it was obvious she was targeting him on purpose did wonders for getting the point across.

If a man could say he wanted a woman in the kitchen? She could say he belonged in a factory that would hopefully get him some sort of lung cancer by the end of the year. Twitter knows. Yes, she deadnames Twitter. Only Twitter cause fuck Elon, right?

All of that personality (hating men, shouting at men, writing about killing men, being a softie for her girlfriend) was enough that she had gotten an ominous email about her, regarding a show.

Those weren't rare. She was an author, critically acclaimed. Booktok loved her novels and they weren't even all smutty, so she knows she's doing something right at least.

But this one was intriguing. It was called Gaydar, already a plus in her book. And it was also not one where she sat around for two hours repeating the same lines she had written a year ago for boring shows that she would attend for publicity.

It was only an interview, not a long one, or so it was advertised.

Shauna took to the internet and typed 'Gaydar' right into the youtube search bar and clicked. Immediately, a series of shorts appeared that displayed the host, Anania, asking questions about gay popculture slash trivia.

She watched the first short recommended and by the end of the measly sixty seconds, Shauna was laughing to herself. Seriously, this Anania had incredible energy. Any moment that seemed even a tiny bit awkward became hilarious the moment they spoke.

After her 'reasearch' (going to Tiktok and scrolling through the videos for thirty minutes), Shauna had gone back to the email that was sent to her.

It took careful consideration. Half an hour is a long amount of time to be on Youtube watching shorts considering that Shauna prides herself on being off her phone. 'Chronically offline' Jackie calls her sometimes.

In the end though, Shauna had answered with an overwhelming approval. Shauna was totally cool about it. Her message wasn't anything like 'yes for sure pls pls', she thinks.

And everything was set. All she had to do was wait a reply, she was eagerly awaiting it, and look at the details.

The reply took a shockingly short amount of time, too. It was only about a day of constantly pacing around her and Jackie's apartment for no reason. With no Jackie to comfort her as she was out for filming, Shauna had circled the apartment until her feet were sore. She'd only stopped when her phone dinged.

Shauna swiped and immediately typed in her password aka Jackie's birthday before looking at the new notification. Luckily, it was what she'd been hoping for and Shauna now had the schedule for what would be happening.

Okay, all she had to do was meet up with the crew at a random park on Saturday and record. Saturday. Saturday which was in two days. That same Saturday. But still, Shauna was less terrified than she'd been in any other show.

For once, Shauna didn't have to memorise the answers to an interview as there was no need. She'd seen the videos, the people answering looked genuinely happy to play along and try to answer. If the questions were sent earlier, that would ruin the gist of the show, wouldn't it?

The day Shauna gets an answer, Jackie returns home and is able to spend the next few days with Shauna to calm her down.

"What's got you so worked up, Shippy? Something wrong?" Jackie asked in an awfully sweet tone that embarrassed Shauna of her silly predicament.

"No, no. I've just got an interview-show thing in a few days, two days. And I'm just thinking." Shauna answered, leaning closer to Jackie.

The two were resting on the couch, covered in a blanket that kept the two warmer than they needed to be.

"What is this interview-show thing, hm? Maybe i know it, you wanna tell me?" Another sentence left Jackie's lips, a small smile made its way to those same lips.

"Some 'Gaydar' thing. They ask gay trivia and guess if you're gay, straight or homophobic." Shauna sighed, laughing at the stupidity of the premise. It's genius.

"Gaydar? Really? Oh my god, you're so lucky! Maybe i should be a writer too if that gets me on Gaydar. I love that show. It's sooo fun." Jackie's eyes were a bit wider, the same way they were when she got excited.

"You actually know it? I just found out about it. Also, if you wanna be a writer you have to actually write. You hate it even more than you hate reading."

"What are you talking about? I'm a great reader!" The blonde pouted even though she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

"You can barely read Tom Sawyer, a book they give to kids to read. You probably don't even remember the characters. You know what? Who's Huckleberry Finn?" Shauna gave Jackie a look that signaled she knew she'd won.

"Who the fuck is Huckleberry Finn?" The second Jackie had said that, Shauna had toppled over in a fit of giggles that left Jackie confused, embarrassed and irritated all in one.

Safe to say, the days passed quicker than Shauna would have prefered. Having Jackie by your side did that, losing track of time and all.

The day had arrived and Shauna would be freaking out if she hadn't overheard Jackie and Van last night betting that she would. For Taissa's high bid of twenty dollars, she won't be. She's got Tai an extra forty bucks that will probably still end up in Van's hand by the end of the day.

Shauna's outfit definitely screamed 'casual. like so casual', she was sure of that. It was a simple outfit. Ralph Lauren buttoned to the top, a pair of slacks that Shauna always wore and a coat that Jackie loved.

It was a good day when Shauna went out, probably why it was picked. It was sunny but not too hot, it was just warm enough that her coat was slightly too much.

Contrary to popular belief, Shauna wasn't a coffee drinker, though if she had to pick, she definitely prefered her coffee black with nothing else. Somewhere in their apartment Jackie randomly gags.

Though Shauna wasn't the biggest fan of coffee, she could get behind some pastries in the morning. Pain au chocolat, donut, whatever. That was what Shauna liked.On the way to the meeting spot, she'd stopped for both and came out with one only.

Croissant in hand, she was alone. Or as alone as you can be in a New Jersey coffee place with a worker named 'Emileigh' taking your order.

It didn't take long for Shauna to arrive at the meeting spot. It was open, green and nice overall. Yes, the camera crew being there was kind of funky, but it still was a 'good vibe.' Lottie Matthews would be proud of her for using such lingo.

The second the host, Anania saw Shauna, they immediately greeted her joyfully.

"Hi! I'm Anania! Shauna, right? Wow, you look absolutely gorgeous. I think i'm feeling underdressed now and this is my show."

"Yeah. I'm Shauna. Nice to meet you. But no, you can't be talking. You look great, too. If you think you're underdressed, i might as well be naked." Shauna smiled, already losing some of the tension in her body due to the atmosphere.

The two talked until the show was ready to start, which wasn't too long either. Only a couple of minutes before everything was set up.

As the cameras started to roll, Anania started speaking once more.

"Hi! I'm Anania, this is Gaydar! Today we're going to find out if you're gay, straight or a homophobe!" Was what signaled to Shauna that it had actually begun.

"You're a writer, right? What are three sapphic book tropes that you can tell us?" They turned to Shauna, holding the mic as they sneaked looks to the card.

"Well, obviously best friends that are more than that. I mean, look at me. That's how my relationship started." The second Shauna had actually started to talk, she felt calmer. The question was fun and she could feel herself easing up.

"I know that's right." Anania added, laughing.

"Sports. I know a bunch of my lesbian friends did soccer in highschool, so did i. The stereotypes are real. What else? Right. Roommates with awkward tension that need to check it out before they either fuck or murder eachother." Shauna finished, the words rolling easily.

"Alright! Now, what's gayer? The letters of the alphabet or letters that you write?"

"For me? The second letters. You know why? It might be because I'm a writer, but letters can be so romantic and gay if done right. I personally think that writing 'eat pussy eat pussy' is gayer than abcd, but i know someone who would disagree." Shauna answered, winking at the camera.

"Oh that is defintely gonna get bleeped if we wanna post this on Youtube." Anania paused before starting again. "Period though! Stand by your opinion, girl! I know you don't play about trivia night at the bar."

"Okay! Next one: When was gay marriage legalised in New Jersey?" The question had been asked and Anania looked at Shauna with a playful aura.

"Fuck! Uhh.. 2007? 2010?" Shauna spewed out, hoping to be right.

"I doubt they would have complained. No, its 2013. Any thoughts?"

"That is so recent, what? Guys, New Jersey, we need to step it up!"

The questions were funnier and funnier, now fully derailing off the basic questions that were set up at first. Something-something about 'aliens probably being great at cunnilingus' and 'gray being a gayer color than any of the colors of the rainbow.'

For how fast the time went, the interview wasn't long enough. Even then, it'd be heavily cropped into a minute of the funniest and answers and moments.

At the end of the interview, they had finally achieved the conclusion.

"If i had to guess if you're gay, straight or a homophobe.. girl, i think sappho started rolling in her grave when you were born. I think you might be gayer than me and hon, look at me!"

"I'm bi, though i am currently in a relationship with my wonderful girlfriend." Shauna said, going visibly softer at the thought of Jackie.

"A man has the chance to get you? Girl, this might be the first time on the show I'm saying this, but you better be lying." The two look at eachother before laughing again, almost like they'd thought the same thing.

Maybe Shauna should check her email more often.

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