The main Disney characters, ranked
7. Goofy - Like the zanni of the Commedia dell’arte, Goofy stumbles and tumbles across the stage, a harlequin servant with little importance. He is a one-dimensional pantomime.
6. Chip and Dale - Twins of order and chaos, they complement and negate one another. Each is a reflection of the other, their existence is permanently intertwined. They are slaves to this destiny, yet find freedom within it, and so are worthy of some acclaim.
5. Mickey - Mickey is an apple. A slice of bread. A three out of five star rating. He is the perfect median of all things, he does not provoke, insult, inspire or create. To have an opinion on Mickey is misunderstand Mickey, as he is the absence of opinion.
4. Minnie - Born from Mickey’s rib, Minnie suffers as his feminine shadow. What does Minnie see in a mirror? Herself, or the man to which she is forever bound but never equal to? Her quiet suffering speaks to all women.
3. Scrooge McDuck - Are we to pity or envy Scrooge McDuck? This is a trifling question, Scrooge has abandoned the internal. One is tempted to say that his existence is a hollow pursuit of wealth, and in lesser men this may be true, but Scrooge has surpassed common avarice and has learned joy in his hunger. He is, ultimately, happy.
2. Pluto - Where the others straddle the line between man and beast, Pluto makes no such pretensions. He has chosen beasthood over all else, forsaking language, humility and propriety. Pluto is pure, wild, simple and complete.
1. Donald Duck - He has punched Hitler and returned from the depths of madness. Like Kazantzakis’s Zorba he is a living heart, a large voracious mouth, a great brute soul not yet severed from mother earth. Who among us may ever live as fully as Donald Duck does in each moment. Donald Duck is human in ways we can only dream of understanding. His virtue is the virtue of life itself.
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