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@victorvalewinter

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“your friend is dead, and their corpse is inhabited by something only you can see for what it truly is" is already good horror. but "you begin to love the thing that wears their face"? the blasphemy of it. terror turning into desire. grief turning into longing. being enticed by what should repel you. it twists the knife deeper, because the horror is not based on deception anymore. the fear comes from recognizing the monster in its raw form and finding beauty there. you're not clinging to scraps of your friend, you're surrendering to something other, something wrong, and loving it. you're not holding onto a ghost of the past, it’s the monster itself that you choose
The Summer Hikaru Died is like. what if you believed you were a disgusting monster for being gay. but then you meet a real monster, and over time you start to believe that even this monster deserves to be safe and happy, and it's the first time you start allowing yourself to believe that maybe you do too. what if I cried one million tears forever
Auguste Clésinger, Femme piquée par un serpent, 1847
i have 99 problems and a bloody make out session with nigel colbie would solve half of them.

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Hermann Hesse's Demian is so, unintentionally hilarious.
Tell me WHY Demian's first suggestion to help Emil with the Kromer situation was literal murder
AND THEN HE CALLED IT THE MOST SIMPLE SOLUTION TOO.
SIMPLE.
sometimes love makes you sick to your absolute core and sometimes love purifies you of any ailment.
in demian it does both
killing without knife, blood or mark… but killing is killing. Always
in a very henry winter time of my life (I am so fucking sick and have been lying in my dark room all day despite having a lot of very important stuff to get done)

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instead of listening to the teacher in the English class, i drew this, not guilty.
Speaking of like minds — I always found it interesting that Alex's main interaction with Nigel was violence yet he couldn't ever figure out why Nigel didn't respond normally to it. One, he has a decently violent father himself so hitting likely isn't that "helpful" to straighten Nigel out. That and.. he just adapts to the violence in his own way by also being violent? Or i should say Nigel has always been willing to be violent. He dissects animals which could be seen as a violence in its own with the brutality the specimen carefully endures. Sometimes, when you live in a household where there is violence you start to see it as a sort of love language or just a way humans interact. At a certain point... he was toying with Alex quite obviously but I just wonder if he was seeing Alex as this violent creature that needed brutality to be able to properly engage in a relationship with him. Similarly, I think that's why he was always so adamant on insisting that Alex and him were the same and that Alex wanted people hurt. Alex just isn't brave enough to do it himself so Nigel does it for him as Jack's only weapon.
Seriously though Alex kept smacking Nigel around and I was looking at my screen like does he really respond the way you think he will to this.. ever???
Vampirism and the maraclea ritual in like minds; guide to immortality.
Nigel whole ordeal is about preserving death. Vampire is a dead man walking, the different between zombies is that they drink blood. But dead body, even with chemical preserving it will still decayed, and overtime rotten.
Me, personally, do not want to involve too much magic outside of resurrection and immortality, so I would like to propose this.
The blood is essential but not because of the essence of life in magical way, but because it is needed for the body to operate. Blood has the necessary nutrients for the brain and heart to work, and when these two work you starting to feel, to able to control your body—to live.
The body will no longer rotten when it stays operate. But it came with a condition, you, yourself is dead and therefore cannot produce life, which is blood. Meaning you have to get it from somewhere else. Dead animal blood will make the nutrients diluted. Live one is better but still lack glucose and needed in large quantities to match. Animal blood overall will make the sense lacking, slower thinking. Human blood is obviously higher quality and have everything the body needs to function, a live one is even better.
Digestive system can work but that means an unnecessary output of energy, so eating is not advised when the body can already consume nutrients directly from the vein.
The ritual acted like car service center, they will maintain the outer shell and fix the inside but you are responsible for making it work.
Back to this post, which I totally think it through before I wrote what I wrote.
“Nigel found himself unable to feel the fabric on his skin, nor the temperature around in the slightest. “
He has enough to think, to see, to move his body here (which I think is not exactly from his brain commanding the arm to move but more like an instinct on the body—technically he wouldn’t be able to feel the movement but sees it). Which is very generous for the duration of the ritual which is nine months, plus before the start. So I would like to think the person who resurrected him *wink wink* did give him some supplements beforehand.
Thank you for coming to my rant. If anyone would like to added anything or take it from here you are very welcome to. Actually I will grovel at your feet.
nigel was so lucky he got his first guess right because imagine not being alex and having to deal with this weird ass history nerd trying to indoctrinate you into his one man cult
i was thinking abt how much i have in common with nigel like im also a brunette im also asexual im also totally insane and sick of my head and i also gonna kill msf in front of someone's else son and it'll be sooner

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I love attention seeking men. like, sure, go electrocute yourself because your roommate isn’t paying attention to you.
my goal is to seek academic validation in the way that the characters in vicious do