Fixating on the Unfixable

You can read the alt text for context in case my handwriting is just too terrible for your eyes.

Other than that, it never really interfered with school. Sure, you may have the odd boy that skips class for the day to 'rest and recover', if they were that dramatic over it. Well, until now that is.

What was a regular cold being spread around campus, had turned into all classes being cancelled and the entire school being put under a lock down. All teachers and students were locked in their rooms, not allowed to leave unless it was to go to the toilet. Which was fine for the teachers, most of them had their own toilets so they didn't need to mess around like the students did. Honestly, it was such a hassle having to ask and wait until someone permitted you to go to the bathroom. But there was no way around it with a staff member always on guard in the hallways.

When the news of a lock down first spread around, students were thrilled. To them this was perfect; no classes, no learning, no schedules and a chance to mess around with their dorm mates.

Alex couldn't relate.

He was stuck with his roommate. The roommate he wasn't even meant to have. The guy who intruded on his personal space without a care. The boy his father needed to make good impressions for, all because of his stupid club. Nigel Colbie.

Being alone all this time would have been better than sharing a room with this man. This freak of nature.

Said freak was currently sat on his bed; crisscross apple sauce, his back against the wall, a book open in his lap. Alex hadn't caught a glimpse of the front cover but he had no doubt it was a book on something vile, the pictures of animals anatomically dissected only further backed the idea. Yet, what caught Alex's attention the most was not what the boy was doing, but his clothes. So used to seeing him in uniform, it was almost a shock to see him in casual clothes. The dark green of the jumper clashes with the paleness of his skin and the darkness of his hair. The slight peak of the white that slotted from where the jumper had risen, caught Alex's attention more than he cared to admit. The bottoms weren't that drastic, casual black loose pyjama bottoms. His feet were tucked under his legs, but Alex had seen earlier that he wore no socks, he was barefoot.

He doesn't bother looking up from whatever he was reading when he finally speaks. "You'll make the floor creak if you carry on."

For hours now, it had been nothing but silence. It's been nearly 40 minutes of Alex pacing. He was surprised he hadn't gotten any reaction from the other boy besides that. Not that he was after a reaction- or was he? Maybe that's what he wanted. A reaction. To annoy him. To get under his skin, just like he had him. To scratch away at his sanity until he blew. To see what Nigel was like when consumed by anger. To see what he looked like when he surrendered to that boiling feeling that raced through Alex's own veins every time. Rage would suit him. Finally, that calm boy exterior would be gone, replaced with the monstrosity that is Nigel. The psychopath.

But no, no reaction. He didn't even look slightly irritated.

Alex huffed, not stopping his pacing, simply rolling his eyes at the other. "So what, it's my side of the room."

"You'll only complain later," the soft sound of a page being turned can be heard "besides you're not the one who will have to hear it when you get up in the night. Seen as you're incapable of staying still." The last bit was slightly biting, a jab meant to prick at Alex.

Unfortunately, it worked. Freezing mid step, Alex's head whips toward the sitting figure. "Well if you didn't stay up all night with your projects," he glares at the desk next to his. Though, it's less of a desk and more of a weird laboratory project. Correction, projects. The window in front of his desk was blocked off by wooden shelves, each with an array of bit on them; at the top laid a taxidermied cat in a tray, one the shelve below where jars of preserved mice or were they rats... followed by small clear cases of bits that Alex didn't want to look too close at. Next to the small shelves were a small row of books, above them where anatomically labelled diagrams of animals and humans were stuck to the window. Off to the side of the desk, in the other window, were more books lined along the bottom and hanging on the top was this upside down bottle of this yellow liquid with a tube leading onto the desk. On the actual desk area was; a stainless steel instrument tray with what Alex assumed was all the tools a surgeon would need on it, a large white side lamp that was somehow a magnifying glass at the same time, as well as a bunch of jars and a weird item that looked like something a mad scientist would use. "then you wouldn't be bothered with the noise."

Only now does Nigel lift his gaze, sharp as though he's staring into Alex's very soul. "And if you didn't stay awake watching me with my projects, then you wouldn't be constantly getting up in the night."

"Yeah right, cause it's so easy to sleep with your weird ass roommate dissecting a bird on his desk." He pauses his pacing, well he more accurately freezes, gesturing to the desk with an aggressive wave, his face pitching in disgust.

With the same uninterested tone he last used, Nigel responded, only briefly glancing towards his desk. Part of him was surprised that Alex remembered the bird. It had been one of the first animals he had dissected inside the dorm and that was a while ago now. "You could sleep with ease, at least you know I am not going to try to dissect you in the night when I have my projects." He grins at his own joke. "You simply stay awake and watch me."

Alex feels his stomach twist at the uncomfortable thought. In truth it had crossed his mind briefly, but that was when Nigel was first moved into his room. Yet, the idea that it had also apparently crossed Nigel's mind sent shivers down his spine. "You wouldn't dare touch me." His voice seethed. He turns, plonking himself onto his bed, feet planted on the floor as he stares at them. "I'd kill you if you tried."

The sound of Nigel's book closing sounded loud in the quiet afterwards. The air had changed, not dramatically, but it had changed. Shuffling could be heard and when Alex looks up, he sees Nigel copying his seated potion. Both of them mirroring each other. His eyes had that glint to them, the one he got when he pushed Alex too far and suffered the consequences. The glint that meant he had found something to sink his teeth into. "Have you imagined that often, killing me?" Gone was the bored uninterested tone, now replaced with curiosity. He almost sounded like he'd just heard something amazing. Sicko.

It was true though. Deep in some dark corner of his mind, Alex had thought of it. But that's all they were, thoughts. They often made him feel disgusted. Nigel always made him feel uneasy. Like a predator that had been caught by its prey. Almost impossible, the predator never would have expected the roles to change so quickly. Yet the prey was smart, easily chipping away at the predator's skin until it bled. It made fear and adrenaline rise under his skin. Ready to snarl and bite at this pitiful creature that had trapped him. "I'm not sick like you." He spat, but it was too venomous, it gave him away.

And of course, Nigel caught on. "Ooh Jack, you can tell me." His smirk reminds Alex of a panther barring its teeth before pouncing. "We often think so a-like you and I."

Alex's teeth grind together, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he bites out. "Will you just piss off."

A huff escaped Nigel, though it sounded like a laugh especially as he flashed his teeth to the boy opposite him."You're the one who started this conversation, Jack."

That name. The one that Nigel kept using. Despite Alex clearly protesting against it. It never stopped Nigel, nothing ever did. In his mind Alex was his Jack, his rogue man. His unprincipled man. His Jack. And of course, no Jack is ever ill-equipped. Always paired with their pike. Their implement for killing. Their spade. It was almost enough to make Alex lunge at the other guy. Rage searing through his veins, his vision tunnelling as his fist clench.

Those gleaming eyes take Alex in, observing how wound up his body was, how he was so close to snapping. One comment is all it would take. One comment to push him over that edge. One comment to feel his Jack's anger.

Nigel's eyes flick over to his desk. The silver tray shined under the light coming through the windows. "Your blood would stain them in the most righteous way." His voice filled with awe, the same tone he used when he told Alex they were brought together for a reason. Nothing. No reaction. "Not how Susan did. She just dirtied them-"

Hands wrapped around his throat. Burning hot against his cool skin. The world flipping as he's slammed backwards. His head narrowly avoiding hitting the wall behind him. His eye's widening in panic before he see Alex above him. Face furious. Strong hands restricting air flow around his neck. The look of rage on the other boys face is enough to sooth Nigel. His body relaxing under his grip. His lungs are burning. He wants to breathe, but he wants his Jacks anger more. His beautiful and holy anger.

"Don't you fucking talk about her!" Alex seethes, his face above Nigel. His body is shaking above the others. "You vile fucking monster! Don't you dare say her name!" His hands tighten. "You hear me?!"

His answer isn't verbal, he couldn't breath let alone speak with Alex's grip on his neck. Instead he keeps eye contact, his vision swirling slightly, smiling at him.

"You're vile. You're a vile freak." His words are spat across Nigel's reddening face. "I'd be doing the world a favour by killing you."

Nigel's vision darkens at the edges, his lungs burn like someone had poured gasoline on them and lit them on fire, his body fought subconsciously. Yet he kept his eyes on Alex's, if he was going to kill him (which he severely doubted he would) then he would have the last thing he saw be his Jack. His body jerks as it tries to get some room to breathe, hands gripping the sheets below him. It's a pathetic attempt. Why would he let his body take Jack's hands off him? Why would he let it escape his Jack's rage?

Then he could breathe. Air rushing into his lungs. Scratching his throat as he gasps. Going lightheaded from all the oxygen rushing into his veins. "You-You wouldn't kill me." His voice is rough as he lifts his gaze to Alex. He had moved off Nigel, but still stood between his legs, looking down on him as he pants. "That's why you need me."

Sneering down at him, Alex denies him. "I don't need you."

Sitting up, Nigel looks up at Alex. His face is at the perfect height with his stomach. "Is that so?" He raises an eyebrow, his stupid smirk still hadn't left his face. The cat who got the cream. His eyes glancing down, just lower than where his head was. "Your body disagrees with you."

Alex's head snaps downwards. Sure enough, Nigel was right. He was hard. When the fuck did that happen? He's was angry, why the fuck did his body do this? He takes a step back, Nigel was too close. The thought made his skin burn. Shame, that's all it was. Shame and disgust that's all Alex felt, that's all that tight feeling in his stomach was. Shame. "No. That's not-"

"Not what? Not an erection?" Nigel gives him a 'really? I'm not stupid' look. "There's no shame in it, it's natural." His grin hadn't left. This wasn't how he had expected today to go, but he wasn't complaining. It's another way that him and Jack could be one. He would guide his Jack through this. They would further their legacy. "We can be closer now, we can be more than the knights Templar."

With a shake of his head, Alex snaps. The anger that had been re-leashed for shame now makes its appearance again. "No! No, you're wrong. You did something, you- What did you do to me?!" His body was shaking where he stood, a step away from Nigel.

Nigel's gaze was different. That gleam is still present, the game was still on for him after all, but it held something intense. "I did nothing. It's fate. We're meant to be united." Again that tone was back, the one he used when he first told Alex of their destiny. "Don't fight our destiny Jack."

Alex is torn, so much is happening at the same time. This wasn't right. He's not fated to Nigel. He's not into guys. He's certainly not into Nigel. Yet his body disagrees, this has to be some sick joke Nigel's pulling on him, some sort of manipulation from the other. He stood trying to find a way to explain this, to out Nigel's twisted plan, but he couldn't figure a single thing out. Rage, disgust, shame, all mixed together to one burning sensation that made it difficult to think straight. A haze clouding his mind as he tries valiantly to think of anything Nigel could have done to him; did he drug him with something?

Whilst Alex is stuck in his own head, Nigel takes the opportunity to move, closing the distance between them once more. Not standing before the boy, currently balancing on the border of a mental breakdown, but instead kneeling in front of him. His voice seems to resonate through Alex when he speaks, his eyes focusing on the boy's new position. "Jack"

Sharp blue eyes anchor him, keeping him frozen. His legs won't move. He should move. He should back away from the dark haired boy in front of him. He should yell. He should hit him. He was too close. Closer than anyone had ever been to him before. And yet despite the electric urge to move, he couldn't. Staring down, his mind swirling yet his body still.

He watches helplessly as Nigel leans forward, his cheek pressing against the side of Alex's predicament. The small sensation sending ever so faint sparks up his gut. He wants to rip him away. He wants to move his arms. He wants to do something. Yet he remains, watching as the other practically scents him. He watches Nigel's chest rise and fall as he breathes Alex in, a flicker of mortification passing through him. Nigel's having too much fun with this game of his.

Just as Alex thinks he can muster the strength to lift his arm and shove Nigel off him, just as his hands are hovering over the boy's head, ready to yank him away, that's when it happens. Nigel shifts his head. Blue eyes meet green ones, as Nigel puts his mouth on him. Those glinting eyes watching as his tongue laves at the fabric between them, watching as Alex falters.

His hands once ready to yank Nigel away, now grasp onto him like a lifeline, smooth hair under his palms. His legs once still, buckle slightly under the heat. His lips once shocked silent, now parted as a shaky exhale leaves him. He hates Nigel. He hates how he knows exactly how to twist things, to mess with him. He hates how even now, Nigel's eyes gleam up at him, he knows he has won. And Alex hates.

Nigel doesn't let him recover, his tongue working over the tip of him as his soaks his bottoms, the bastard looks to be enjoying this. Well, that just won't do.

Alex lets him think he's in control as he 'thinks of a plan'. Until he tightens his grip in his hair, watching as the others eyes flutter, a slight groan leaving him. It makes something spark deep inside Alex as he pulls him away, watching the other look disappointed, his mouth slightly open, before he steadies his gaze. His eyes testing Alex even as he says nothing.

He glares down at the boy on his knees, as he spits "Fucking knew you where a puff, look at you." He pulls his head back to an uncomfortable angle, yet Nigel doesn't complain if anything he looks pleased. "Always so desperate to use your mouth." He nudges him forward ever so slightly, trying not to let nerves get the best of him. As much as he hates Nigel and would love to see him put in his place, he's also never done this before and is making it up on the spot. He's just hoping Nigel can't see through his ruse. "Go on then, use it."

Nigel's eyes flicker from his face to his crotch, his head now allowed to move back to its positioning before Alex had dragged him. For a moment he looks unsure, after all what action could a freak like him ever get?

Distantly, Alex recognises that they are both in the same boat, the thought soothing somewhat.

Before all thoughts are gone. Everything focusing on the boys hands sliding from where they were resting flat against Alex's thighs to now moving towards the tent in his pants, circling around it before going to the waist band. Cool fingers brush against the hot skin of Alex's naval as Nigel hooks his fingers into the waistband, pausing for a second and taking what was probably meant to be subtle breath, then pulling.

The cool air of the dorm reaches his skin first, his heart jack hammering in his throat as he's exposed. For some reason, he watches the other reaction, as if that should matter to him. Part of him expects Nigel to tease or get cocky, what he's not expecting is the look of devotion in the boys eyes. It's intense.

For a beat, there is nothing but both of them idle, Alex exposed with his hand in black hair and Nigel kneeling in front of him. Alex thinks that they would be stood like this for the rest of eternity, but Nigel breaks it. His voice is full of devotion, cracking slightly. "Jack..." Blue eyes flicking up, his mouth open slightly as he breathes heavy. He looks wrecked already.

That snaps Alex to it. His hand tightens slightly as he nudges Nigel once more, now towards his bare skin. "Get too it."

The next thing he registers is heat. An ungodly amount of heat surrounding him, not fully but it's enough. He fights to keep his hips still, unlike the boy below him, he has some manners. But it's difficult, Nigel's mouth engulfing him like it's his soul purpose in life. "Shit!" Alex wasn't stupid, he knew what this was meant to feel like, he'd learnt the ins and outs of it but he never expected this.

Nigel gags as he pushes himself to far, pushing to fast, taking Alex as far as he could in one go. He wants this bad, he doesn't think he's ever wanted something more than this. His Jack was using him. History was true again, the Jack was using his Spade and Nigel would have it no other way. He doesn't give up as he gags, no, as anything else it can be learned, he pushes himself little by little until he get's where he wants. He inhales through his nose the musky scent of Alex surrounding him, a noise leaving his full throat, vibrating through Alex.

His hips twitch at the sensation, hands in Nigel's hair gripping tight, his head tilted upwards, eyes shut. God this was so good. He glances down when he can breath a bit, seeing Nigel on his knees; his mouth around him, his hands on his thighs, holding him close, his eyes closed as if he where enjoying this just as much as Alex was. The idea flames inside Alex, making him feel like he's burning from the inside out. This is where he should say something snarky, where he should bite or snap down at the other, but he can't bring himself to. Not yet.

Eye flicker open, a puff of breath fans against Alex, then movement. Nigel pulls back, tongue tracing the underside of Alex as he does so. Pausing with the tips resting between his lips, not moving.

Alex thinks he's simply adjusting or catching his breath, but it stretches on. Nigel remains, not moving, Alex's leaking tips resting on the tip of his tongue, eyes slowly rising to meet Alex's.

Willing himself to speak, Alex swallows around the cotton feeling in his mouth, "what too much to handle?"

He gets no response.

He simply lets it stretch, each of them watching the other. Then it happens, the flick of Nigel's tongue against his sensitive tip. He can't help it, his eyes flutter as he hips jolt forward.

Now that, get a reaction. Nigel's eyes seem to shine as he hums in approval, his mouth warm and pliable as Alex nudges himself forward ever so. So that's what he wants.

Alex starts slow, cautious, watching Nigel's reactions, part of him in awe. Before remembering, this is Nigel. His hips no longer held back, he pushes in one smooth motion until Nigel's eyes water, hearing the other gag around him but he makes no move to remove himself. It makes Alex grin. His hips setting up a rhythm, watching with sick delight as Nigel struggles; every gag making him tighten around the head of him as he slip down his throat, yet the sound coming from him cause Alex to buck. This is what Nigel was made for.

He uses the boy for his pleasure, eye fluttering as he struggles to remain stood, now guiding Nigel along himself; every drag backwards yanking his hair, earning a pathetic groan, fuelling Alex.

It's only once Alex registers that one of Nigel's hands are no longer gripping his thigh that he focuses his eyes. Seeing the other man gliding along him, his arm moving in time, yet his hand couldn't be seen. The bastard was getting himself off, whilst sucking Alex off. A mix of arousal and something primal mixes inside Alex. He doesn't stop guiding him as he speaks, trying to keep his voice steady but it catches as he hit the back of Nigel's throat. "You that desperate to get off? Couldn't even wait, I might have returned the favour." He wouldn't have. He punctuates the end with a sharp thrust, hearing the other gag and sputter.

Nigel's hand stills on himself as he raises it back to Alex's thigh, stubbornly looking up to meet his gaze as a tear slips down his cheeks, but not in a pathetic way, no, that look meant 'go on then.'

Alex shakes his head, "No, why would I help you when you didn't even have the patience to wait." He groans, god he was close. "Always jumping the gun, that's your problem. You don't think."

Nigel watches as Alex loses himself above him, his head tilting back, his hands pushing Nigel down in uneven movement. He catalogues it all. His jack is gorgeous.

Salt spatters across his tongue, that's his first warning to quickly prepare himself as he's shoved as far as he can go, Alex's hips stuttering into his face, the salty tang filling his mouth. Taking him inside him, feeling him settle in his stomach.

Nigel gasps as he's pulled off, a string of saliva keeping him connected to Alex. His lungs burning as oxygen floods through them, despite that, he misses the weight against his tongue. He rests back against his legs, feeling like a puppet with its strings cut now that Alex's hands have left him, his mind blank. It's almost relaxing.

Panting, Alex tries to recover, his mind hazy, every part of him wants to collapse, but he can't, not whilst he's stood in the middle of the room. So he locks his knees in hopes of staying upright, he eye flickering down to Nigel. If he didn't look wrecked before, he certainly did now; his hair a mess, his cheeks flushed, his eyes red with tears, saliva running down his chin and rosy lips. He looked- no Alex wouldn't finish that thought. Instead he moves his gaze down, seeing the other wanting, just as he had been when using his mouth. He doesn't realise he's staring until Nigel shifts.

A pale hand stands in stark contrast against the dark fabric of Nigel's trousers, cupping himself shamelessly in front of the other. That shouldn't have affected Alex the way it did, for a brief moment he wants to tell him to stop but how could he stop him when he looked such a mess; his lips parted as he pants, starring up at Alex like he's his world. That does things to a man. So he settles on watching, covering himself back up absentmindedly, knees locked as he watches Nigel get off in front of him.

Smooth fingers press and move, hips ever so slightly rocking into the friction, no noises just heavy breathing, the blush from the boys cheek never fading. Then his hands moving, going to slip under his waist band.

"Stop." The word leaves Alex before he has the chance to process it, his eyes meeting Nigel's as his hand stills. He licks his lips, his mouth feeling dry, trying to sound a little in control. "Like that, don't-" he gestures towards the boy on the floor, referring to him going to directly touch himself.

Nigel's eyebrows pitch together slightly as he blinks at Alex, eventually moving his hand back, watching as Alex tracks the movement. His hand resuming its movement across himself, he pushes into his hand, if Alex wants to watch then he'll give him something worthy of watching.

Green eyes track every movement below him, watching as Nigel puts himself on show; his legs spreading under him, his hand shifting with purpose, his hips pushing to meet his own touch, leaning back slightly, supporting himself on his free hand, his head tilted back as he watches Alex through heavy lidded eyes and worst of all he let his throat relax, releasing soft whines and whimpers. Alex can feel heat flush his face, he knows Nigel's playing him, but he's not going to tell him to stop.

The soft noises seem to swirl around the room, ricocheting inside Alex, and as much as he hates to think it, it wouldn't be much longer until he was able to go again. He can feel every noise Nigel lets slip inside his bones, vibrating through his entire being before settling inside his very essence.

It seems like no time at all before a broken moan leaves the boys lips, his head tilted back, eyes shutting as his entire frame stiffens. Alex watches it all, taking in every detail, he hates to admit it but Nigel is pretty when he isn't being a cunt.

Everything stills, Nigel's eyes open once more onto Alex, watching the other take a deep breath, licking his lips. And with a smirk he shifts his weight onto both his hands, basking in his gaze. "Wanting to see?"

This snaps Alex back, he straightens up, his face grimacing. "Piss off."

Nigel smiles, the smile he does when he knows he's got Alex where he wants him, not bothering to move. "So harsh to me, I just made you cum with nothing but my mouth," he licks his lips as if savouring the faint taste "there's no need to push me away now. Not ever."

So in the ghost he loved, Alex is a bit unhinged, making sure Nigel is safe, and Nigel has a cousin named Alison, whom Alex mistakes as Nigel's girlfriend and fiancée. So you can imagine the beef he has with her.

In Tower and the Dead, Alex does have magical powers; you can guess which power he hides because magic is punished by death. It's all John's fault, who also locked away Nigel because he had the blue eyes of a necromancer, which are a legend.

In We will be united, it is revealed that Nigel is pregnant, and later it is revealed that he is still alive.

In soft thorns, the cat that is adopted by Alex is none other than Nigel.

And that's it for now!