Flight of the Tumblr B

Both options convey that he's horny

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

accidentally wrote "maid of horror" and I think I'm on to something actually. new wedding role responsible for releasing a chainsaw clown into the chapel if things get boring

[ID: digital illustration dark blue creature with red starburst with disembodied sharp teeth in place of a head. Large jagged top surgery scars visible on side of chest. Sword buried into back. Creature bent in a crawling or lunging position. Feet and body wrapped in stylised red barbed wire. /end ID]

[ID: From the perspective of on horseback, a young Black boy pets the neck and head of a bay horse. Other people are visible standing on the curb of the paved drive that the horse is on as the camera adjusts. The person behind the camera asks "What you think about them?" The boy smiles as he says "I like them. I'm gonna ride a horse." The camera person asks "Wanna get on?" The boy excitedly asks "I can get on?" "Yeah!" Turning to the people on the curb as another boy approaches to pet the horse, he hops as he calls "Momma, can I get on the horse?!" There's an indistinct answer ("-get on"?) as the camera person shifts, a close-up of the horse's mane as they shift to dismount, saying "Yeah, c'mon". A third child nearby also hops as one of the children calls "I wanna get on the horse!", the camera tipping so we can see a second horse (pale with a brown head) and rider next to the first. The first child confirms "Can I ride it?" and the camera person says "Yeah, c'mon up" and shifts towards the horse's head to give instructions about mounting. The view is of the horse's neck and the stirrup during this part. "Put your left foot in there. Wait, wait, that's wrong -- put your left foot. Put that foot in there, and climb up." The child starts laughing as he settles into the saddle and lifts the rope reins. The camera person cheers him on, "Yes, siiiir! Yes, sir! You ready?" The view switches to the smiling face of the camera person (Cowboy K), a Black man in a ballcap and t-shirt that reads "Daisy Ranch -- We Walking Over Here". He leads the horse in a walk as the child continues to laugh, delighted. Another child is heard asking "Momma, can I go on that horse?" The mounted child calls "Momma, I'm on a horse! I'm a cowboy!" /end ID]

pisses me off that gender is just pattern recognition thats been drilled into us since birth. why didnt they teach us something important instead like which snakes are venomous

the fact that im supposedly wble to tell if someones a girl or boy by one glance but i have to google is a spider can kill me is so incredibly shortsighted

the etymology of "piano" is so fucking dumb I love it. yeah this is my cool new harpsichord. it has more volume control than a standard harpsichord so we call it a "loudsoft" for short. or a "softloud" if you prefer. but that's still a bit of a mouthful so I've been thinking of just calling it a soft.

[ID: Gauche painting of a vibrant orange-red tiger creature against dark foliage, gazing behind itself to meet the viewer. Its stripes are tinted green, with an extra set of legs; it curves around a small, bright red star. End ID.]

Why is it easier and more comfortable to sit in a position that actively damages my joints than it is to just sit with okay posture. Why does my body crave its own destruction

Tomfoolery actually transitioned and only does she-nanigans now

clark kent ticking the organ donor box on his drivers license automatically out of the goodness of his heart and then panicking because what if he actually dies somehow and some human gets a super heart what would even HAPPEN like he can't have his kryptonian retinas with laser vision donated to a random eight year old and so he has to awkwardly go back to the DMV to get it changed to not an organ donor but he's so embarrassed the whole time because the DMV employees will think he's a bad person that by the time he's done he has to go cry in the car

plot twist he's so clearly distressed and sad about doing this that the dmv folks just quietly assume he must have received some kind of awful medical diagnosis that makes him ineligible to donate and the first clerk that helped him immediately takes a smoke break and sees him crying in the car and that's how Clark gets at least 3 rock solid anonymous sources at the dmv and a free off-brand coke from the break room fridge.

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!”  So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

Happy pride month!!

[ID: A photo of a decorative wrought iron hinge that extends across at least 4 vertical boards of a wooden door. The horizontal span of metal extends from the right, with branching flourishes angling outward to the top and bottom like a short fractal (each branch splits into three smaller branches, which each split one final time, resulting in cluster of three curling fleur de lis each, above and below). The horizontal bar continues to the left, tapering and flaring again, with the end forming into an open-jawed, pointy-toothed dinosaur-like head. The head has an eye, the tips of the mouth are secured by screws, and cross-shaped rivet heads appear at the base of the head, the juncture of the main branching, and the juncture of each of the six fleur de lis' points, which look like the dinosaur's splayed claws. /end ID]