Flight of the Tumblr B

I know that when a recipe says like “easy one-pan quesadilla” or whatever and then tells you to put the filling in a bowl and wash your hot pan before using it again that’s because the target audience is people who only have one pan but I have so many pans for so many different purposes and whenever I see such a direction I get irrationally angry. You’re lying to me. This is a two-pan recipe with a burnt finger intermission

people who are like "but with universal healthcare you'll have to pay taxes!!! Up to 8%!!!" Are so funny. Like as opposed to the 16% of my gross paycheck that goes to private insurance, that won't cover shit unless i call my insurance company, then my doctor, then my pharmacy, then my doctor again because theyre pretty sure insurance got approved then my insurance company because they didn't get the letter, then my doctor again, then the pharmacy again, and then the copay i still am on the hook for.

[ID from alt text: Screenshot of a tweet by @Vesselofspirit that reads "you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's use misshapen tools invented for and by cattle". end ID]

[ID: A still of French philospher Jean Baudrillard smoking a cigarette with text over the image that reads "arachnophobia is so stupid just let spiders get married". /end ID]

BLESS YOU, YOU  WONDERFUL PERSON

[ID: Eight line drawing illustrations of hands in specific poses, but as seen from twenty-five different angles apiece. The angles of perspective array from a central point (dead-on), angling on the vertical access as-seen-from-below as one goes up through iterations, and as-seen-from-above as one goes down. The horizontal access shows angles towards the back of the hand to the right and toward the palm to the left. The hand poses are: open hand, palm held vertically, thumb pointing up, fingers to the side ; closed fist, pinky angle down ; thumbs up ; trigger-like grip (pinky and ring finger curled close to the palm, forefinger and middle finger crooked to about 90°) ; pointing the forefinger, thumb curled over the rest of the fingers ; pointing a sort of finger-gun (the forefinger and middle finger, thumb resting on the forefinger) ; hand loosely curled like a larger object is being gripped, thumb flexed away from the rest of the fingers ; and hand loosely curled, thumb pointing in the same general direction as the rest. A watermark over each image looks like a pairs of spread, feathered wings and text that reads "shadowcross" and "shadowcross.deviantart.com". /end ID]

[ID: Two book-related screen shots. In the first, an elderly Bilbo Baggins (from The Fellowship of the Ring film) is shown writing with a feather quill pen, smiling to himself. In the second, the title screen from Murder She Wrote television program is shown, modified: A wide book, bound in red leather shows an embossed title that reads "Morder, He Wrote". / end ID]

YESSSSSS

my other pervasive problem with the movie (aside from its treatment of women which i cant even start on yet) is nolan's attempt to have the gods display their power in "natural" ways so that their diegetic existence or involvement remains in question. like how odysseus says his crew believes he's cursed by poseidon, it's left so explicitly ambiguous whether calypso is mortal, and athena's appearances to him are revealed to be a PTSD hallucination. I actually don't have a fundamental issue with this as an adaptational decision although i think its execution turns it into a matter of culturally christian theology, but the thing is that it's stupid. Because there's a Cyclops.

It is implied through gameplay mechanics that the two kingdoms at war in chess both formally permit regnal polygamy, allowing the King to take at least nine wives of equal status, and that marriage can be bestowed as a military honour, but curiously that honour - in stark contrast to the conventional attitudes of the aristocracy - can only be bestowed upon soldiers of the unlanded class, leaving great questions to be asked of the material interests and stability of these kingdoms' aristocracies

also, their horses lack limbs & their castles are small

yknow the smallness of the castles is FAR from their most interesting distinction from the noticeably immobile ones we are familiar with

Miss Piggy tied to the mast while Statler and Waldorf heckle her from the sea

But who is the single human cast member in this tale? Who gets to put in an Oscar-worthy performance alongside the Muppets and what role are they to play?

There’s no single human, everyone is a Muppet except for one scene. Circe, played by Janice, turns Odysseus’s crew into humans who still behave animalistic and are all played by Academy Award winning actors.

to my student who emailed me today asking if she should title her essay “what does grendel eat for breakfast? danish” or “no arm, no foul,” thank you. you don’t know that i was in the middle of hashing out how i’m handling your classmate’s intentional plagiarism, but receiving that email reminded me that some of you take your teenage rebellions in the right direction, and i love u for that.

[Image IDs: 5 paintings of fruit by Dennis Wojtkiewicz. These are so realistic that I was unsure at first whether they were photographs or paintings. They show thin slices of fruits, with each slice being taken from the widest part of the fruit. Light shows through each fruit slice, making them look like colored glass. The first two paintings are of a round slice of grapefruit and a half-circular slice of lemon, respectively; the juicy parts of the fruit look like stained glass, and overall they both look like the rose windows you see in churches. The lemon has seeds, which are visible as shadows blocking the light. The next painting shows two roughly semicircular slices of red watermelon with black seeds and green skin. The next painting is of a thin slice of a yelllowy-green apple, with seeds and a stem. The final painting is of a thin slice of a kiwi fruit in bright green with black seeds and a darker yellowy center, and adorable light brown fuzz all around the outer edges, especially around the calyx. /End image IDs]

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this

Hell yeah moon holiday

Ooh coming up we should celebrate

PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)