a Sick Person living in a Well World

“Octopus,” she said, all curls and smiles.

“And what kind of animal is an octopus?” I asked.  I was looking for “fish” or “sea creature” but I would have accepted almost anything–”weird,” “gross,” even “slimy.”  “Underwater” or “it lives in the ocean” would have also been acceptable. 

She looks me right in the eye and says, happy as a clam, “It’s a cephalopod.”

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS CREAM. TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK. 

MEMORIZE THE PACKAGING SO YOU MAKE SURE YOU NEVER BUY THIS CREAM FOR YOURSELF OR ANYONE YOU LOVE.

This post is about vaginas. My vagina in particular. I get yeast infections pretty regularly, and until recently I was able to afford to see a doctor who could prescribe me fluconazole.

Fluconazole, a drug also known by the brand name Diflucan, is a small pink pill. You take two pills a few days apart from each other to restore balance and harmony to your bountiful folds. I’ve never ever had a bad side effect from taking this pill.

Cut to November 2016. I’m a recent college grad without reliable health care coverage in the process of finding a job. And I’m dealing with a yeast infection. Before I moved out of state, my previous doctor told me about Miconazole. She said it was as effective as the pill and hallelujah, it’s over the counter! I decided to purchase the cream pictured above. This treatment only lasted 3 days, a convenient time frame for my schedule.

The application process was a little messy, and some of the cream came in contact with my vulva and labia. Within 5 minutes every piece of skin that had come in contact with the cream, excluding my hands, was on fire. I wanted to scream it was so painful. I began frantically searching for what I should do online. 

I found a whole forum of people on drugs.com who had experienced something similar. These comments saved me, and these were just on the first page. There were 33 pages total, the earliest dated July 2009.

I was writhing in pain at 2AM when I found this forum (which I found by searching “my vagina burn itch hurts after miconazole” on Google). As soon as I read these comments I threw the devil cream directly into the trash and jumped in the shower. I didn’t feel any actual relief until I reached in and scraped the cream out of me. I paid $17 plus tax on this bullshit, but I could have just as easily ripped up my money or paid someone to not hurt me. 

The moral of the story is that vaginal health care is is completely fucked up because we don’t have access to an over the counter cure for yeast infections that is safe for our bodies and also YOU SHOULD NEVER BUY THIS CREAM EVER.

AND THEN I LEARNED THAT IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE A YEAST INFECTION. I had a bacterial infection, which is honestly pretty much identical to a yeast infection depending on the severity. The only difference is that IF YOU HAVE A BACTERIAL INFECTION AND TRY TO USE YEAST INFECTION MEDICATION IT WILL HURT

But it’s not actually the medication’s fault. The medication DOES do what it’s supposed to do, provided you’re actually suffering from a yeast infection. Chances are though that you and every one who commented on this did, in fact, have bacterial infections instead.

FORTUNATELY they also make over the counter tests so you can know if you need to call your doctor or just grab some yeast medicine off the shelf. Next time if you aren’t sure, pee on a stick and save yourself a world of fucking pain

I’ve had doctors straight up lean over their desk at me and say “and who do you think they’ll believe, you or me”, and had my files tarnished with words like “problem patient” and “refuses treatment”. This is not the majority of doctors, even the not-very-good ones are not that level of egotistical evil, but they do exist and you need to be prepared for what can happen if they decide to try and paint you as the madwoman in the attic.

Keep fighting, keep advocating for yourselves, find support groups, take notes in sessions, and don’t be afraid to get loud. And remember, you are allowed to have people with you in the doctor’s office for moral support. There is nothing stopping you from having someone in there who is willing to hold your hand and be a witness. And it is perfectly legal and any doctor that insists otherwise sets my alarm bells ringing.

(There are different scenarios, like hospital wards with restricted visiting times, surgery etc etc etc but even when the doctor has asked my person to leave, I have said “actually I’d like them to stay” and usually they just shrug and carry on with what they’re doing. Asking people to leave for exams is usually a comfort/privacy issue for you, and so long as you are okay with having that person there, that’s okay.)

Some doctors will ask to see you alone first to confirm that you want the person in the room with you, and that they are not say, the over controlling lover or someone trying to coerce you (which is good, and thank you to doctor’s and nurses who think to check to do this!), but once you say “I want this person in the room with me” they are allowed to be in the room.

My medical care changes drastically on whether or not my husband is in the room with me.

Also to the friends of chronically ill people: a lot of you ask me how you can be better friends to your sick friends, and lemme tell you, the offer to help with medical appointments alone can mean so much to us.

Whether it’s a casual “hey do you need a lift to see your X appointment?” or a more serious “wow that sounds stressful, you know if you ever want me to come with you I will right?” can really help us to feel less isolated and cope better with the stress of managing being ill. You’re not inserting yourself into our lives, you are offering to help us in a way we are often not helped, and it can really mean so much that you even think to ask.

• depression 

• anxiety 

• eating disorder 

• self-harm

• ocd 

• bipolar 

• feelings of guilt and hopelessness 

• suicidal thoughts 

person: do you need to go to the ER?

me: no no, this is normal

Understanding Chronic Illnesses: Spoonies and Unchargeables.