our idiotic ancestors used to believe stuff that's not true but luckily we've now figured out all the true things to believe in

hiiiiii <3 i live in a barn : )

hello friend! may i step into your lovely barn and also do u happen to have warm human blood inside of you? smiles so sweetly at u

i have the regular kind of blood. you can sleep in one of the stalls. what do you eat? is it timothy? we have a lot of that. i can put a bunch in one of those net bags for you.

u…. u have timothy? lots of timothy ? for me? and i can sleep in a stall ;w; woaw…. no body has shown me this much kindness for two thousand years

wwooooaaahhhh hold on. 2 thousand years? you're not a vampire are you....

*tearing up* thank you i love you i’ll be the best horse for you i promise i love you

I know for a fact other dimensions and realities exist because that’s where some of you people are watching tv

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

Oh and the road infrastructure project is buying up resources other people could have used for literally anything else. With money they promise they'll be making from Wide Car sales any day now.

abelds have this funky ability where they hear disabled people say they "can't" do something and instead of hearing "can't" as in, cannot, they hear "i can if i push myself and i just don't wanna". which is really interesting!

people in my notes mentioning that people don't respect the fact that they can't do certain things without heavy consequences and ableds want us to beat those consequences for their convenience. and that's true but i do mean that people who say that they can't do something need to be taken at face value that it's just not possible to do at all. i want people to respect the literal meaning of "i cant'" because it's often dangerous otherwise. like people will straight up put a disabled person into situations that are harmful or incredibly dangerous for them being they assume "can't" means "i can a little bit". and when that thing is "I can't eat [allergen]" or "i can't walk at all" and you get stuck with food contaminants or at the top of a half flight of stairs they assumed wouldn't be a problem then that can actively, seriously, literally be harmful and dangerous

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

The Hat Man is our greatest export

the replacement of websites with apps sounds so backwards when you actually describe it. like hmm you have to download an entire program onto your device each time you want access to a portal, where it takes up storage indefinitely. somebody should invent an app where you can "browse" any portal just by typing in its address... 🥴

You should be starting a recipe book. I don't give a shit if you're only 20-years-old. The modern web is rotting away bit by bit before our very eyes. You have no idea when that indie mom blog is going down or when Pinterest will remove that recipe. Copy it down in a notebook, physically or digitally. Save it somewhere only you can remove it. Trust me, looking for a recipe only to find out it's been wiped off the internet is so fucking sad. I've learned my lesson one too many times.

YES

- Ex-Mormon gays are literally so nice. They got me and my wife free shit and cheered for Pittsburgh. Also Salt Lake City gay sex is very good.

- Crossing the third of the fuck all emptinesses of the journey, IMO, and Nevada may not have the desolate grandeur of the Great Divide Basin but it is nice desert so definitely better than Nebraska still.

- Oh wait, forgot to add, the Great Salt Lake is amazing and the salt flies there moving in swarms are beautiful. Much love to the seagulls and spiders too

- Mexican food in Reno goes hard

- Watching Mexico lose in Reno goes sad :(

- Filipino food in Sacramento goes so hard in made my Pinay wife nearly cry.

- The Golden Gate Bridge really is that pretty. It just is. They just let you cross it and it really is that cool looking.

- It's almost unbearable, isn't it? Cab drivers in New York and Ex-Mormons in SLC and immigrants from Manila. It's too much. Too much space too many lives too much detail. You pass a falling down shack in Wyoming and you have to ask yourself, who put this here? Why? Does it matter if they fell in love here, had their heart broken here, kept working here? Were they a bad person here, was this place good for them? So many fucking lives, so much space, so much time. And it's all there, in bright, unblinking reality. It's all there, if you look for it.

- Every billboard in San Francisco is something like: "Agents optimizing other agents? It's possible with Schmoove.AI. Schmoove.AI, partnered with Optimal and untexia."