all that glisters isn't gold

Excuse me heroin addicted teenage Walmart employee can you unlock the cabinet full of things to put up my ass please

Yeah I was hoping to need to have it rescanned by one of your other employees at the self checkout as well as having it visually inspected by the elderly receipt cop as well

we need to break up the usefulness of the phone

why is the slab everything. also why is everything basically identical. you dont even get a customized evil slab

you cannot make a post about how men put women in certain boxes without someone going "but what if i love the box? what if i've decided that it's comfortable in the box? are you gonna tell me i'm not ALLOWED to like the box? not very feminist of you to police a woman's decisions... maybe you'd be less ugly and miserable if you stopped talking about the box LMFAO #Girlboss #MyBox<3"

#and its like. 'what if ive decided its comfortable to be in the box' it is always going to be more comfortable to be in the box #they will reward you for staying in the box and punish you for trying to leave it #that doesnt mean the box is like. a good place to be — @butchfaith

Breaking News: Number of Notes ≠ Verification!

Time to enter the ＧＡＭＥＲ ＺＯＮＥ

Camera, printer, sewing machine, now a fucking anaesthetic adminstrator…was there anything the Game Boy didn’t have an accessory for?

gameboy sprinted so smart phones could lag and be ugly

Spiritually, 3 am is the darkest hour of the night. The people who stay up late but not insanely late have gone to bed, people who wake up early but not insanely early are yet to wake up. The only people who are awake are the night shift, and the insane.

there should be a pill you can take one time that will shrivel up your uterus and abort it through one last horrible period

like first of all… yes we do!!!!

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

thank you for sending assassins after me btw i really needed that. it meant a lot to me

how to jerk your shit crazy style in a god-honoring way

I am so sick and tired of having to charge stuff every day of my miserable life!! My phone, my watch, my headphones, my vibrator, my backup vibrator, my emergency vibrator, the ancient cursed amulet of darkness that whispers to me....it's too much!!!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cd0p0rz4n0mo

I'm imagining a world where RPGMaker somehow made it as the de facto codebase for software and you have to navigate your banking app by walking around in a huge room full of NPCs named "make deposit" and "make withdrawal" etc and there's loud as fuck stock music playing