licensed to shart

Canadian bilingual packaging is fun because you get to see how various slightly odd idioms end up being translated by people who don't give a shit. I just saw a tub of double chocolate chip ice cream where the English label says "death by chocolate", but the French translates literally as "chocolate until death", which has a somewhat different vibe.

Being able to draw older people as attractive without reducing or erasing the visual signs of aging, and in fact showing that they're attractive because of those signs, is an artistic skill that should be valued so much more. Honestly, it should earn you an immediate fortune because holy fuck is it a rare commodity. There are so many artists who seem to think attractiveness and aging exist in opposition to each other, so they smooth every wrinkle, erase every crease, and de-age the character until they're basically thirty with silver hair. But when an artist can look at crow's feet, smile lines, weathered skin, deep-set wrinkles, and all the little traces of a life well lived and say, "No, that's what makes them beautiful," that's a level of artistic observation and care I wish we celebrated more often.

hate when people say something along the lines of "we must get along so well because you are/i am [some astrological sign]" to me. what are you fucking talking about. we get along because im fucking nice. a decision which i regret when you say shit like that

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

ive never been able to take "climb him like a tree" as a sexual innuendo seriously because i picture climbing a tree in my mind and then i picture a tall man in my mind and when i put those two things together im not seeing anything sexual. im seeing like. circus tricks.

shell of a person is such an apt description like yeah i feel exactly like that rn

you need daddy to complete you

daddy needs to be euthanized

Handing the Google executive currently chained in my basement a piece of paper that reads "Shall I end your torture?" with one checkbox that reads "No" and another that reads "Maybe later."

The early 2010s millennial hope of a better more progressive future contrasted with the sharp traditionalist alt-right U-turn that so many Gen Z and millennial men went down scarred generations of women.

just saw the funniest thing on twitter where someone was broken up with bc they ate 7 croissants im CRYINGGGG

Man at my job just told me to “hold your little horsies just a little longer ☺️” about the task I’ve been waiting for him to complete or at the very least update me on for six weeks. Brendan, I will fuck your adult son. You’re gonna start seeing me at family Christmas. Horsies in tow.

wtf i just saw slender man looking through my fridge farting his ass off real loud