banana

Oh! I had to switch accounts at some point last year, that’d probably do it. Hold on I got you! The reblog it’s posted on is here, and since it’s about time I copied it into its own post anyway… With a few minor edits: 

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Two adulting (kitchen-related) tips from me!

1. Buy a roll of parchment paper from the cooking shit aisle. A big roll will last you for-fucking-ever. Pretty much any time you’re using a baking pan you can line it with that stuff and save yourself A: food sticking to the pan and B: it’s a quick rinse and it’s clean.

2. Bread can get fucking expensive, so make your own. A bigass bag of flour and a bag of active dry yeast (store it in the friiiiidge!!!) works out a FUCK of a lot cheaper than buying bread at the store, and you can do so much more with it. Bread, pizza, rolls, cinnibuns, homemade pizza pockets. It seems intimidating but it’s stupid easy.

Seriously. It’s stupid simple to make, and most of the “3 hours” to make it is sitting around surfing the internet or doing whatever the fuck you want while the dough rises. If you have an afternoon free once a week to sit and play video games or surf the net, you have the time to make your own bread on the cheap. 

Here’s my simple-as-fuck recipe:

2 ¼ teaspoons active dry yeast (You can buy a bag of this stuff CHEAP in bulk stores, the little single-serve packets are hella stupid priced)

1 cup warm water (think a hot bath)

1 ½ teaspoons sugar

2 tablespoons oil (any kind works for the most part)

2 ¼ cups flour

1 teaspoon salt

1. Stir the yeast, water, sugar, and oil up in a bowl. Let it sit for about 10 minutes. It will foam up VERY high, this is the yeast getting happy! If it doesn’t get all foamy, the water may have been too hot or not hot enough. Remember, Yeast is alive! Treat it like a nice girlfriend!

2. Mix your flour, salt, and the yeast concoction up in a bowl.

3. Knead that shit for about 5 minutes. It will start sticky as heck, but will come together into a nice dough. If it’s still super sticky, toss in a bit more flour. The dough should feel silky to touch if you’ve done it long enough. Here’s how to knead it:

4. Put your dough in a covered, lightly oiled bowl and leave it someplace warmish for an hour. At that point it will have roughly doubled in size, give it a gentle punch to release the gasses that have built up inside. Cover it again and let it sit for a bit longer.

Boom. You have bread dough. Here are some baking times and uses for ya:

Optional egg-wash: Just crack an egg into a bowl, add a pinch of salt or some water if you’re game, and mix the bejeebus out of it with a fork. Brush (or if you’re like me, goop it on with said fork) that shit thinly on bread before baking for a nice crust.

Pizza: Stretch it on a pan, stab the fucker all over with a fork, add toppings, bake 425*F 15-20 minutes. Roughly the same process for pizza pockets, just with more filling and pinching it shut before baking.

Bread Sticks: Make snake-shapes, let rest on pan 10-ish minutes, bake 400*F 10-20 minutes.

Dinner rolls/Pullaparts: Make ball-sized (yes those balls) balls. Place on greased pan, let rest 10-20 minutes to rise. Egg-wash and bake 375*F 25 minutes.

Bread: Lightly score (cut) the top, let sit for 20-ish minutes on/in whatever you’re using to bake it, egg-wash, bake at 375*F for 20-ish minutes. It’s done when it sounds hollow if you knock on the bottom. If it sounds solid, it’s still doughy.

You bet your ass you can deep-fry this shit for cheapie yeast doughnuts. Roll that shit in sugar or dip it in whatever, it’s fucking tasty.

Bagels: YES. YOU. CAN. Form bagel-shapes out of the dough and boil them in salty water for about 2 minutes. Egg-wash them and bake them at 400*F for 10 minutes.

Cinnamon Rolls: Roll that shit out into a rectangle. Brush it with a mix of butter, cinnamon, sugar, and a pinch of salt (no exact amounts here, do it to your taste). Roll it up into a log, and cut it into discs. Let them sit 20 minutes in a pan and then bake at 375*F 15-17 minutes. I can personally vouch for these coming out amazing! If you bake them long enough, the filling will caramelize on the bottom of the pan into pseudo-crunchy-sweet-buttery candy, and if you’re using parchment paper it’ll pop right off for indulgent consumption. 

You can add whatever you want to the dough for some variety, just if it’s dried spices remember you really only need 1-ish tablespoons. I personally like making bread with about 1 tablespoon of dill in the dough. Roll it out flat, sprinkle it with cheddar, roll it into a log, squeeze the ends shut, and bake it like a regular loaf of bread. Cheesy dill bread OMNOMNOM.

That got a bit long. But yeah. Bread’s expensive, yo. Save your wallet.

Pete Townshend

Pete is best known as the tall, short tempered energetic guitarist and writer of almost all of the songs by The Who. He was the member who came up with their trademark move of smashing the instruments at the end of each show, and became a voice for youth at the time with one of their many hits 'Talkin 'Bout My Generation.' He came out in his memoir as well as an interview in 1989, saying he was bisexual, and also said he identified as both a woman and a man, saying: "I know how if feels to be a woman because I am a woman, and I won't be classified as just a man."

Debbie Harry

Lead singer and writer for the band Blondie, she's a bisexual woman well known for her colourful taste in fashion and unmistakable voice. Her musical career started out in the punk genre but she is best known for writing and singing some of the most popular new wave songs including Heart of Glass, Call Me, and One Way or Another.

Janis Joplin

Often cited as the face of American blues, folk, soul and rock, Janis Joplin is WLW and had numerous relationships with men and women in her life. She was famed for her distinctive husky voice and powerful and captivating stage presence that left audiences stunned.

Dave Davies

The guitarist in 60s British invasion group The Kinks revealed he was bisexual in his autobiography in 1997. The more outgoing of the Davies brothers in the band, of which he had a difficult and fiery relationship with, Dave also experimented with makeup and women's clothing in the 60s and 70s. Many people claim his riffs were the very earliest beginnings of heavy metal.

Sir Ray Davies

Ray Davies wrote and sung most of The Kink's songs, including their most successful song Lola, which is about a transgender woman. Although quieter and more laid back than his brother, he does not have a quiet tongue either. His endless brotherly quarrels with Dave continue to this day, although they live next door to one another. He labels himself as bisexual.

Kim Deal

As well as playing Bass for the late 80s indie rock band The Pixies and fronting the 90s band The Breeders, Kim Deal has studied and worked in cellular biology. She has said that she is asexual and also identifies as a feminist. Kim Deal has a unique philosophy in recording music, as she uses no modern means of production such as digital recording, computers, and auto tuning.

Sister Rosetta Tharpe

Recognised as the inventor of rock and roll, Tharpe was a pioneer for combining blues and gospel to create a unique sound partnered with her electric guitar as early as the late 30s. She is WLW. Her relationship with Marie Knight became a controversial topic when it was discovered by the public, especially from her religious background.

Rob Halford

Singer and songwriter of the popular heavy metal band Judas Priest, Rob was initially uneasy about coming out as gay due to heavy metal's often homophobic following, but was surprised when he was overwhelmingly supported. He now calls himself the 'stately homo of heavy metal' and speaks openly about the ongoing struggles that LGBT+ people face.

Marc Boland

In 1971, a tiny 5"4 Marc Boland performed in his band T-Rex on Top Of The Pops wearing glitter under his eyes. This is widely recognised as the starting point of the glam rock movement. He had relationships with men and women in his life, and close friends have described him as being bisexual. He was proudly Jewish and he became a style icon of the 70s for his corkscrew hair, colourful fashion and whimsical happy-go-lucky attitude.

Lou Reed

Lou Reed's infamously dry humour and deadpan voice set him apart from other rock stars of his time. As a child his parents put him in a mental hospital and he was given electric shock therapy to try and 'cure' his interest in men. He grew in popularity in the 60s as The Velvet Underground's lead singer and guitarist and went on to have a successful solo career, where he frequently wrote and sung about LGBT people. Reed is MLM and also Jewish!