Tʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏғ SURVIVING !

hello and welcome to my roleplay blog ! call me BELLUM, she / her, 32 years old, a writer at heart and a softie who's also an expert at puppeteering heartstrings. (consider yourself warned ❤️)

this blog is PRIVATE and INDEPENDENT. private meaning I only roleplay with mutuals (people whom I follow who also follow me ; does not apply to sideblogs so long as I follow your main) and independent meaning I am unaffiliated with any roleplay groups. I am moderately selective and sporadic activity. (sometimes I take long breaks / hiatuses, but I usually come back stronger than ever !)

MULTIFANDOM and MULTIMUSE. a host of different fandoms including Steven Universe, Baldur's Gate 3 / Dungeons and Dragons, Disney, Undertale / Deltarune, Five Nights at Freddy's, and more ! I adore crossovers and will often craft verses for specific fandoms for my own muses who aren't in said fandom.

dark and triggering topics will be present with some muses, so while I do my best to tag triggers and dark things, tread with caution.

but

some Jack and Vic thoughts before I pass out tho

"you're weird, Vic. that kinda gets me off." (she says this to literally all her partners, it's a line from her canon, but holy fuck is it ever more present with Victor, he's very odd in the most adorable way and it has her wanting to jump his bones)

she WILL NOT say no to that actually well fitted suit, don't you worry, and she looks fucking good in it

she really will spend his money if he actually wants her to. after being reassured he doesn't expect anything in return. she won't go CRAZY wild but like. he should come watch her get a new tattoo and pay for it "yeah I'm treating my girlfriend, she really wanted this" ugh makes her all tingly

SHE WANTS. THOSE NAILS. MARKING HER SKIN.

quiet late night talks where she tells him about all her horrible exes and the things they did to her (she doesn't mention the worst of it. she doesn't want him to think she's damaged goods. but she tells him enough.) and how she's not used to guys being so nice to her and "if you want something from me... like, really, if you do, it's okay. I'll understand. but if you want something from me, you gotta tell me now before my heart decides you're actually a nice guy and does something stupid like fall in love with you."

doing her best to take care of him during the withdrawals. her exes expected it and would get snappy and more abusive with her when she didn't want to or in the beginning when she didn't know what to do or would freak out. but she's calm about it now, even if she's worried. and Vic doesn't expect her help. but she wants to help.

he can TRY to take her on fancy dates to nice places. okay. he can TRY. everyone will stare and judge her, and she won't know how to act, but he can try, and she'll appreciate the effort. 'cause like. he thinks she's good enough to take someplace nice ? fuck. that does funny things to her chest.

she loves. loves loves loves. to cuddle up to him with his arm around her waist after sex. especially if it was sex where she was on the bottom or submissive. it just gives her this warm feeling of being cared for.

BELLUM. actual footage of Jack when she realizes Visi trusts her with like her entire heart

she knows how FUCKING HARD that is and the knowledge just unravels her and you better believe she is never ever going to break that trust

not a lot, not a wide variety, and a lot of them reacted badly with her brain chemistry because of the implant Cerberus gave her as a lot of drugs tend to do, so ... she hasn't really done them often

a couple of her exes were addicted to drugs, and they'd expect her to help them through overdoses and withdrawals, so at least she DOES have some idea of what to do

and she does have one type of drug she does semi regularly

painkillers

she tries very hard to keep it to things that probably won't cause her too many issues ; hydrocodone, when she can get her hands on it, and after she has a prescription for it following when she joins the Phoenix Program

and she isn't addicted, and she doesn't abuse it, and she HAS been evaluated by the program's doctors (which was a struggle in and of itself given her trauma around medical procedures) to determine that, yes actually, Jack DOES need a painkiller on hand that's a little stronger than over-the-counter

the implant Cerberus gave her that makes her so powerful, combined with the damage to her body caused by all the surgeries they performed on her and the scarring she's been left with, has her in chronic pain every day

some days are better than others, some days she's almost pain free, some days she's in so much pain that moving is difficult. it depends on the day. Cerberus and their experiments and surgeries well and truly fucked her body up and it's unpredictable as to how the pain will be day to day, so she DOES genuinely need to have a prescription painkiller that she can take when it hits

the doctors who evaluated her also asked offered a prescription for medical marijuana, but she's found that makes her paranoid, and the tradeoff for pain relief isn't worth it to her

to be perfectly honest, given her trauma, she tries not to take the hydrocodone unless her pain is really, really bad. having to take medication even when she knows she needs it and it will help her pain often triggers a panic attack. how does she know that what's really in it is what it says on the label ? what if the side effects are different this time ? what if it makes things worse instead of better ?

and Victor ... has some nice suits

so like

whatever you do

don't imagine her stealing one of them to see how she looks in it bc she wants to dress up but refuses to wear skirts and dresses

" Well, shit, what do you expect when your ANCIENT ASS couldn't get it up ?? Fuck you and your performance anxiety. Maybe if you weren't such a dick, yours might behave. "

tagged by : I stole it from @multis-sermonibus

for such an intense person, you get the sense she's making love to her partner (well, being made love to ; both in the canon scenes and in the female Shepard scenes that were cut and added back in by mods, Jack takes a submissive / bottom role) rather than simply having sex or roughly fucking

it's not meaningless or just for physical satisfaction, it's INCREDIBLY emotional

and that is. very new for Jack, I think

she's so much more used to lust and meaningless sex that doesn't have emotions mixed up in it

to the point that if you have sex with her before any emotions are involved, she basically doesn't want to talk to you again because, well, you had your fun, didn't you ?

but sex with feelings involved ... shit. it opens her up and takes her apart

even when she's the one in the top / dominant role, it's getting to take care of someone else, it's someone trusting her, it's still someone treating her gently even though that someone is underneath her and she's the one in control

considering her past as a survivor AND her past of basically only indulging in meaningless sex ... like. the first time she has sex with someone, who likes her, who cares about her, with emotions stitched into it, that is THE first time she's had sex where she actually feels ... like. TRULY fulfilling ??

I could talk about this part of her forever honestly. she THINKS she doesn't need the feelings side of it to be fulfilled during sex, but the truth is, she does. she needs to feel like someone cares about her beyond just her body, even though they very much like her body. she needs them to touch her and want to be touched, and still be there in the morning and want to kiss her and want to have sex with her again but also want to hold her hand and let her cuddle them and comfort her and let her comfort them

she loves sex. don't get it twisted. but to be actually fulfilled and feel genuinely safe in a relationship and not feel like she's being used, the ROMANCE needs to be there. she has to trust them to touch her without hurting her (unless she says she wants to have some pain), she has to know they trust her for the same, she has to know that if she says "actually... can we not right now?", they won't be upset, that they're happy just to BE with her, and she has to trust that they know she won't be upset if THEY aren't in the mood

this applies to ALL OF HER SHIPS djlkfjadslkfa

she will say it, to your face, that you're weird and you being weird turns her on

for all that Jack enjoys Visi being mean to her

and all that she enjoys being mean to Visi

good GOD when Courtney just like accidentally hurts herself or something

like imagine she's cutting vegetables or some shit and manages to cut her hand

not a bad enough cut to need to go to the hospital, but not a little tiny nick either

the way Jack just takes control of the situation

grabs Courtney's hand, washes it off in the sink, grabs the first aid kit and goes to bandage it

stays COOL AS A FUCKING CUCUMBER because she doesn't want Courtney to panic, she's taking care of it, it's gonna be fine, everything's okay

she gets it all bandaged up and leans in to give Courtney a kiss and gently run a hand through her hair

"there we go, all better. good girl."

GOOD GIRL

FUCKING "GOOD GIRL" FOR JUST SITTING THERE LETTING HERSELF BE TAKEN CARE OF AND NOT PANICKING HERSELF INTO AN ASTHMA ATTACK OVER A CUT

Jack is 100000% the dominant person in their relationship OVERALL because she's always just taking charge of even little shit like this and you can't change my mind, she doesn't want Courtney to have to worry about ANYTHING and she wants to praise her even for small things like not freaking out while Jack bandages an accidental little cut

they're obviously all in separate verses (unless any of y'all would be DOWN for a verse where they're in a polycule because the way I would eat that up)

she's very well established with Visi

she's on track to get ready to go steady with Sonar

like how does she have this much rizz when her charisma stat is actually in the basement, and more importantly, who's next

WHO'S NEXT

WHICH ONE OF THEM IS GONNA BE THE NEXT TO LET HER PIN THEM TO A TABLE OR PIN HER TO A TABLE

and you see them and you're like "wow I wonder what those two are doing because they obviously can't stand each other like what task is forcing them to spend time in each other's vicinity"