waste of bandages

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

hey sorry I snapped at you, I've just had a really hard day and [remembers focusing on myself is selfish] maybe it's your fault for provoking me?

"This person has a secret onlyfans!" "This artist does NSFW commissions!" "This author writes porn on the side!" I cannot begin to tell you how swag and awesome that is.

if you've ever pet more than a few dogs you'd Know what dog residue is

crazy that you can meet heterosexual people on the internet. im so used to gay people in my phone. sometimes there are straight people in my phone too. big news if true.

Heterosexual pride flag

I’m putting in my too weak notice.

I feed my white son clear broth

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

I like the sweater you are wearing

Thank you

Where did you get it from

I thrifted it

Oh

Yeah I thrift a lot of my clothes for the authentic vintage vibe

Yes and it’s good for the environment too

Yes because it doesn’t support fast fashion

You’re right

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

I Have Softness For You

i have milk for you

Stop.

Cut the baby monkey in half

have fun with your "slutweed" or whatever, Im fine with my smartweed. [puffs on a corncob pipe while stroking chin thoughtfully] [clearly has a raging erection]