I am afflicted with the tragedy of having many friends yet feeling isolated and distant from every single one. Am I too picky, or am I too much for them?

Since I was a child I have been stuck in a constant loop of overwhelming grief for the unconditional love I deserved but never received and I am unsure if I will ever get out of it.

This yearning will kill me. I am sure of it.

For the longest time, fictional characters were just that - fictional. My favourites all seemed to share the same qualities and traits and I never thought much of it until I fell in love with you. You are all of them and so much more and nothing will ever terrify me more than that.

All I have ever wanted was to leave the hell that I was born into, and to run for from the people who broke the very essence of my being. Yet despite it all, I always care whether it is good for me or not, and I am terrified that breaking free will hurt me more than staying.

To walk around with a heart bowing under the weight of pining for another heart on the opposite end of the world makes me want to peel back the skin from my bones in anguish yet I would gladly spend my days with lonesome eyes and drooping shoulders instead of facing a wall of numbness that separates me from you.

You smile and for a fraction of time it is as though you have cut through the wall of numbness my body has caged itself in. I feel like a butterfly caught half beneath rubble, flapping feebly in the breeze.

Thoughts of you torment me, clawing at my flesh and ripping their way through my chest. They come with both agony and bliss, and I ache for the sweet burn they provide.

I've never had a place to call home. I wasn't sure I'd even recognise what home felt like, until I met you.

I would take feeling everything ten times more than feeling absolutely nothing at all any day. When I feel everything I feel as though I want no one but you. But when I am numb I feel as though I want everyone other than you. And there is nothing more terrifying than that.

Numbness doesn't fade like a wisp of smoke. It shatters like my head has ripped through the surface of the ocean. Suddenly I can breathe again and the air has never tasted so sweet.

Loving yourself and appreciating your own company can only help so much. It is entirely useless when the loneliness begins to creep in again.

To cut off a friend will always be more agonising than one realises. It cannot be painless to remove a vein that had been thoroughly weaved through one's system.

Sometimes I wonder if perhaps my cause of death one day will be from loving too much

From sadness, to resentment, to indifference. To grow out of a difficult friendship is something so bittersweet that I am unsure if I am supposed to hurt, or feel relieved.

Loving you is the best part of my life. 

Days carved from hell disintegrate into nothing when looking into your eyes feels like coming home