#sad post

My relationship with my mom reminds me of being with an abusive boyfriend. He constantly cheats on you and goes on about how much he likes other girls, never missing a chance to mention how sorry he feels that he can't find a beauty like them next to him, and how he longs for love and affection - as if your very existence doesn't matter. He convinces you that he's laid the whole world at your feet, but you cry every night, degrade yourself in every way possible, and beg on your knees for him not to leave when he once again shows you coldness and indifference - only for him to later shower you with love again, love that makes you feel guilty, love you'll have to justify when he inevitably tells you that you're not doing enough and that you're not even putting effort into the relationship. And on top of that, you constantly have to chase after him as if you two had never even met.

So I just found out one of my fav actors died today :”P

Sam Neill, he died being 78 years, his family said that it was sudden and unexpected but he died surrounded by his family which I find nice, no one should die alone. He battled Blood Cancer but his death was unrelated to it because he was Cancer Free (If you want to know more details you can look it up)

I knew him from Jurassic Park.

Jurassic Park is my favorite movie ever, (which is shocking maybe because all I talk about is Star Wars xD) But his Role as Doctor Alan Grant is just so cool and I loved seeing him return in JW Dominion.

But Sam was also in other movies, and is doing an amazing job in them.

It is sad that he’s gone now but he lived a happy life, he left his footprint in the world and I doubt he will be forgotten.

as angry as i am at you, i hope you find peace some day. i hope you find a person who is willing to give you the same grace and the same care and love i gave you, but with someone you trust to open up to more than you ever did with me. i hope some day they’ll be your safe space, and you the same to them.