Hewwo?

Let me talk to you about something I learned recently. People with a mental health condition like anxiety disorder or OCD are not truly afraid of what they think. For example, a person afraid of heights or the dark or germs is not truly afraid of those things. On the outside, fear manifests every time they are exposed to that trigger but in reality, they are afraid of something else, a core fear, buried deep inside.

That's exactly what's going on with Twilight. Let's dig deeper and find out his core fear.

These last chapters, Twilight has been completely out of control. Obviously, being surrounded by SSS agents was a huge trigger for him, BUT I think the possibility of Yor telling Captain Curtis about their previous interrogation was even a bigger trigger. Why? Because that would make a member of the SSS suspicious of everyone close to Yor, which in turn opens the possibility of losing his family. That was the real trigger.

If you read chapter 134, Twilight was actually holding up well under the circumstances. Although the SSS was interrogating him, he remained composed. However, the moment he remembered he had disguised himself as Yuri’s captain to interrogate Yor, he completely lost his nerve. Just look at his face—the man was utterly terrified.

After that, he totally lost it and began to act recklessly. We see Twilight ruminate in a constant state of panic and come up with countless scenarios as well as crazy ideas that would put him at risk such as:

Using force to keep Yor away from Captain Curtis. In Twilight's mind, that Captain is more dangerous than the Director of the SSS.

2. Drugging his wife with a tranquilizer gun IN FRONT OF COUNTLESS SSS AGENTS! Seriously? What was he thinking? If it was any other person and under any other circumstances he would know that was too risky.

3. Starting a fire. No comment on that.

Do you see what I mean? He was not only risking the mission, he was risking his life. That's exactly what triggers do; they make people act recklessly; all to avoid getting into the situation that they fear the most, which brings us back to...

Twilight's Core Fear

Do you want to guess? Let's analyze some of Twilight's fears:

Being caught by the SSS. Nope, it's not being caught by the SSS, nor being killed in action. He had risked his life plenty of times and he knows that could happen to him. It's part of his job.

People discovering his identity. That's not it either. If he gets discovered, he knows he can run away.

War between East and West. Warmer, but that's not it. This, however, is what Twilight tells himself. He thinks this is his biggest fear, but it's deeper than that. We're getting close.

I'll give you a clue:

This was the worst moment of his life. A traumatic event so big he can't even remember it. It was a moment of total despair, vulnerability, and most of all, fear.

When Twilight says he became a spy so no child has to cry, he is sincere about that. However, what he really means is tied up to his core fear: Twilight is afraid of losing everything and finding himself in a situation of total despair, vulnerability, and fear again.

So yes, he'll do everything and risk anything to avoid going back to that. He thinks that if he prevents a conflict between Westalis and Ostania, this will never happen to him again.

And, if we add something to the mix, we can get something even more specific:

If we combine that deep fear with his upbringing, it's easier to see why he has that need for control.

What does his core fear has to do with Yor?

She's the antidote. Their relationship is part of his healing. Yor represents safety and that's exactly what a person like Twilight needs. When you see it like that, it makes total sense that he would risk everything to keep his only safety.

Look at him being vulnerable. He can only do this with Yor:

Do you see it? Yor is the only person he trusts 🥹

And I think he's starting to realize that too:

This small panel is very telling! He KNOWS he's relying on her. And he WANTS to rely on her. And probably he feels ashamed of that need because for many years he has relied on no one but himself.

Bounce light is something I didn't cover but I adore it!

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As many of you, I'm over the moon Yor finally admitted she has feelings for Loid. Everything since the chapter in which she went drinking with the office girls to the last chapter when she had a date with Loid had slowly but surely pointed out that Yor has fallen in love with Loid and I am so glad Endo decided to pull the trigger on that 😌

Remember the fake and the real twiyor moment? On my past analysis, I told you the fake moment happened when they held hands. I wasn't sure whether we would get a real twiyor moment, but we did. It's this one:

This means that Yor carries Loid in her heart 😌

In case you missed the post about Fake Twiyor Moment and Real Twiyor Moment, let me catch you up: a fake moment usually happens for appearances and it's what a "normal" couple should do, like holding hands. A real twiyor moment is perhaps non-traditional but it's something that brings them closer together (you can see other examples of this here.) As you can see, this moment, even though Loid isn't even in the same room, brought them closer together.

Now, where do we go from here?

It's a huge advancement for Yor's character to finally acknowledge her feelings for Loid. And not only that, she also knows perfectly well that these are romantic feelings *giggles*

Here, Anya tries to understand what her mama means by comparison hehe. By the way, what a beautiful thing was to see that Yor is able to talk sincerely about her feelings with Anya. It's a reflection of their mother-daughter relationship; these two are really close.

Yor knows she has romantic feelings for Loid, she understand that it's different from the love Anya feels for her papa, which is fantastic. She's being completely honest with herself!!

However, as of right now, Yor doesn't plan on acting on her feelings and that's okay. It's still brand new and she still has some growing to do before she finally gets that welcome home kiss 😊

In my opinion, it's a good thing that she's taking things slowly because her husband is not ready for any of that yet. (Let's face it, the man is at flight risk 😂)

Here's what I think it's going to happen:

I fully expect Yor to act flustered around Loid and think about him and her feelings A LOT. She will struggle a lot with this because she'll probably want to respect Loid's boundaries because she thinks he doesn't see her like a possible true romantic partner. HOWEVER...

Twilight is already distracted by her behavior and after this chapter we know that he will get closer to Yor to try to get to know her better in an attempt to keep her in the marriage "for the mission" 😆

Although he denies it, he already has feelings for her and spending more time with her is only going to make those feelings grow stronger. Same applies for Yor.

It's very logical: what happens when you spend a lot of time with someone you are in love with? You fall deeper in love.

Theory Time!

At some point, I think Yor, after spending a lot of time with her husband, will feel more confident and may think that she has a chance with Loid. If this happens, my theory is that she will confess and maybe even kiss him. This is pure speculation, but it makes sense for her character arc.

As for Twilight, I fully expect him to remain in complete denial until the day his wife finally confesses and kisses him. Don't get me wrong, we'll probably see plenty of signs of him being in love but he won't be able to see it.

This could potentially become dangerous for the relationship because once Twilight realizes it, it's going to hit him hard. We're talking about a guy who constantly tells himself he should not feel anything because he's nothing but a tool to achieve peace.

I suspect (and again, remember this is still pure speculation) that when Yor finally tells Loid that she loves him, he is going to reject her, precisely because he's in love with her.

Think about it. The first time he thought she had feelings for him, his immediate reaction was to set a honey trap. I believe he felt attracted to her, but he also wanted to use her and take advantage of her feelings. So, when this happens again, and he knows for sure she does love him, his own feelings will prevent him from using her...because he loves her!!

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I'll be throwing everyone's names into a randomizer on April 10th and pull 4 times to see the winners. I'll publicly post the winners here, and then DM to see what they'd like to request!

Thank you everyone this is extremely unexpected!?

Must have already been a follower before this post to participate!

Requests for winners still follow my commission rules I'll put it under the cut here

Disclaimer: Though I have been using a cane for 6 years, I am not a doctor, nor am I by any means an expert. This guide is true to my experience, but there are as many ways to use a cane as there are cane users!

This guide will not include: White canes for blindness, crutches, walkers, or wheelchairs as I have no personal experience with these.

This is meant to be a general guide to get you started and avoid some common mishaps/misconceptions, but you absolutely should continue to do your own research outside of this guide!

The biggest recurring problem I've seen is using the cane on the wrong side. The cane goes on the opposite side of the pain! If your character has even-sided pain or needs it for balance/weakness, then use the cane in the non-dominant hand to keep the dominant hand free. Some cane users also switch sides to give their arm a rest!

A cane takes about 20% of your weight off the opposite leg. It should fit within your natural gait and become something of an extension of your body. If you need more weight off than 20%, then crutches, a walker, or a wheelchair is needed.

Putting more pressure on the cane, using it on the wrong side, or having it at the wrong height will make it less effective, and can cause long term damage to your body from improper pressure and posture. (Hugh Laurie genuinely hurt his body from years of using a cane wrong on House!)

(an animated GIF of a cane matching the natural walking gait. It turns red when pressure is placed on it.)

When going up and down stairs, there is an ideal standard: You want to use the handrail and the cane at the same time, or prioritize the handrail if it's only on one side. When going up stairs you lead with your good leg and follow with the cane and hurt leg together. When going down stairs you lead with the cane, then the good leg, and THEN the leg that needs help.

Realistically though, many people don't move out of the way for cane users to access the railing, many stairs don't have railings, and many are wet, rusty, or generally not ideal to grip.

In these cases, if you have a friend nearby, holding on to them is a good idea. Or, take it one step at a time carefully if you're alone.

Now we come to a very common mistake I see... Using fashion canes for medical use!

(These are 4 broad shapes, but there is INCREDIBLE variation in cane handles. Research heavily what will be best for your character's specific needs!)

The handle is the contact point for all the weight you're putting on your cane, and that pressure is being put onto your hand, wrist, and shoulder. So the shape is very important for long term use!

Knob handles (and very decorative handles) are not used for medical use for this reason. It adds extra stress to the body and can damage your hand to put constant pressure onto these painful shapes.

The weight of a cane is also incredibly important, as a heavier cane will cause wear on your body much faster. When you're using it all day, it gets heavy fast! If your character struggles with weakness, then they won't want a heavy cane if they can help it!

This is also part of why sword canes aren't usually very viable for medical use (along with them usually being knob handles) is that swords are extra weight!

However, a small knife or perhaps a retractable blade hidden within the base might be viable even for weak characters.

Bases have a lot of variability as well, and the modern standard is generally adjustable bases. Adjustable canes are very handy if your character regularly changes shoe height, for instance (gotta keep the height at your hip!)

Canes help on most terrain with their standard base and structure. But for some terrain, you might want a different base, or to forego the cane entirely! This article covers it pretty well.

Many cane users decorate their canes! Stickers are incredibly common, and painting canes is relatively common as well! You'll also see people replacing the standard wrist strap with a personalized one, or even adding a small charm to the ring the strap connects to. (nothing too large, or it gets annoying as the cane is swinging around everywhere)

(my canes, for reference)

If your character uses a cane full time, then they might also have multiple canes that look different aesthetically to match their outfits!

When it comes to practical things outside of the cane, you reasonably only have one hand available while it's being used. Many people will hook their cane onto their arm or let it dangle on the strap (if they have one) while using their cane arm, but it's often significantly less convenient than 2 hands. But, if you need 2 hands, then it's either setting the cane down or letting it hang!

For this reason, optimizing one handed use is ideal! Keeping bags/items on the side of your free hand helps keep your items accessible.

When sitting, the cane either leans against a wall or table, goes under the chair, or hooks onto the back of the chair. (It often falls when hanging off of a chair, in my experience)

When getting up, the user will either use their cane to help them balance/support as they stand, or get up and then grab their cane. This depends on what it's being used for (balance vs pain when walking, for instance!)

That's everything I can think of for now. Thank you for reading my long-but-absolutely-not-comprehensive list of things to keep in mind when writing or drawing a cane user!