holding not held

i hate making accounts. what do you need my email address for you little pervert

they don’t call me fucking dumbass shithead idiot for nothing

he didnt say this -_-

on a scale of 1 to john oliver commissioning a competing picture book about mike pence’s rabbit with a storyline about same sex marriage and democracy and tolerance, releasing that book a day before the release of mike pence’s picture book, and then donating proceeds from the book to the trevor project and aids united, how (righteously) petty are you

being in your 20s is like. every day i am playing with forces i can barely understand

i was trying to remember the “live long and prosper” motto from star trek and for a solid 10 minutes the only thing i could think of was “live big and die”

I just laughed for a solid minute at this

That’s jim’s version

had the worst toast-buttering experience today

This is my favorite meme on the internet. More compilations please.

Sometimes humans are just. Good.

From frog to Bossa Nova 🤌🤌🤌

Hey rb this!!!

@chitratxt​

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."