Paige

But how about a new take: most of Batman's rogues call him off limits, because they find out he is their benefactor, when/if they try to reform?

Mr Freeze won't touch him because when he's in Arkham, Bruce is the one who finances the research to help Nora Fries.

Poison Ivy won't touch him because he had been the one supplying her with plants, while in prison.

Harley won't touch him because he's just a great guy an' gotham needs guys like that.

Riddler won't touch him because he was the secret backer that time Eddie tried to open a detective agency.

Croc won't touch him because he's one of the few people who ever talks to him like a person.

But also: Harvey is screaming at him like “f*** you dude, that guy was my best friend. Also, he visits me in Arkham and treats the both of us like a damn human being.”

And Two-Face being like “f*** it, that’s fair. i’ll flip a coin and see.”

Harvey: “you most certainly wILL NOT. Just walk away, man.”

The GCPD, shielded behind their cars, staring in shock and confusion: “what.”

Bruce slowly forming an amicable relationship with the Rogues is such a fun concept to me, because as much horror as these people have caused, Batman’s whole shtick is that everyone deserves a chance. So, while he doesn’t forget that these people are in Arkham for very legitimate reasons, he also takes the time to treat them as human beings

Riddler gets asked one day by a detective why he seems to explicitly avoid anything Wayne related, and he’s just like, “oh, he’s actually helping me draft plans for escape rooms and puzzle boxes and stuff as a positive outlet for my implicit need for attention and a constructive way of using my intelligence. It’d be just rude of me to bother him, ya know?”

Ivy: “how many billionaires do you know that seem to genuinely care about our planet and make actual, tangible efforts to create technologies to preserve what we have? The man is a rarity. Also, he convinced the guards to let me have a few plants with me—for comfort. Nice guy.”

Freeze: “he’s basically the only person who’s every given a damn about helping me save my wife. No way in hell am I crossing him.”

Deadshot, scrolling (or whatever) through his potential contracts: “Wayne? Oh hell no. I thought I blacklisted those ones. Delete. Begone. Live your best life Mr Wayne. Payday will come from somebody else.”

Harley: “I just think he’s neat. Also I know he’s Batman and he’s a cool dude, but I’m not gonna tell anyone that sooooo yeah.”

Waylon (Croc): “he saw my previous cell in Arkham and flipped made sure I got an actual habitat, and not a shoddy hole in the ground filled with sewer water, which made my stay there much more livable. He gives me food sometimes when he sees me in the wild. Nice guy. 10/10 will not eat.”

All the other villians in Gotham simultaneously, regardless of distance:

Bruce: I love him so so so much. I don’t approve of his methods. I’m glad he’s here in Gotham and I believe in him and cherish him. I worry that the lives he takes will weigh on him and that he’ll lose himself in the violence.

TH: Wow that’s quite personal, it sounds like you know him?

Bruce: He’s Batman’s son and we both know he doesn’t deserve him

TH: Batman’s son????

Bruce: yup

Bruce *leaning closer to the microphone*: his son

Bruce *looking directly at the camera*: who he loves but doesn’t deserve

TH: o-okay then um moving on… uh about the rumors about your and Batman’s relationship-

Reporter: Oh my god- is that the Red Hood?

Reporter: Red hood sir? Can I ask you a question?

Red Hood: uh yeah?

Reporter: How do you feel about Bruce Wayne’s recent comments on the Late-night Gotham Talk Show?

Red Hood: I hope that Wayne gets custody of me during the inevitable break up. (Grapples off)

~

Reporter: Tim Drake-Wayne! How do you feel about the possibility of the Red Hood becoming your new sibling?

Tim: (eyebrow twitching) delighted, god only knows I need more murderous siblings.

Reporter: Elaborate on the ‘more’ part?

Dick:

Alya: What?

Adrien: Don’t all women carry a hairdryer in their purse?

Alya: Have you ever met a human woman?

Adrien: Marinette does it

Alya: Marinette is weird

*later*

Chat Noir: Do you carry around a hairdryer in your purse?

Nino: I—why the hell would I know how to pick the lock, Adrien?

Adrien: *sigh* Fine. Do you at least have bolt cutters on you?

Nino: I think you know the answer to that.

Adrien: *grumbles* Marinette would have them.

*later*

Ladybug: He didn’t even have bolt cutters on him? That’s insane!

AO3

"Feeeelix," Adrien whined and gave his cousin the most pitiful look he could muster, but the other boy wasn't impressed. Instead he put the small cup down and moved on to the next stall offering test samples of their coffee.

Adrien gave a muffled groan and tried to keep up with his cousin. He was tired after walking around this food fair for hours. He wasn't even sure what his cousin was looking for. He stopped at every stall selling coffee beans, sure, but Adrien knew that his cousin's preferred beverage was earl grey tea. He also couldn't be looking for a gift for aunt Amelie, since coffee didn't agree with her.

And Adrien didn't know anyone else his cousin would be willing to run around for hours to find the perfect gift for. Honestly, his curiosity to find out was the only reason he hadn't made up an excuse to leave and join Marinette at her family's stall.

He could really do with a croissant right now. Or a pain au chocolat. Or some macarons. Or all of those! He had been running around for so long, he surely would have earned some sweets, right? Some sweets and a hot chocolate and a nice, comfortable chair to give his poor aching feet some rest. As long as Nathalie and his dad wouldn't know, it would be fine.

Half an hour of sulking and pouting, which was handily ignored by his heartless cousin, Felix stopped and gave the cup of coffee he was sampling right now a thoughtful look.

"This one," he stated, although Adrien had no idea what he was talking about. "I would like a pack of these beans and two cups to go."

His cousin gave him a questioning look, but Adrien shook his head. The only things he wanted were somewhere to sit down and something to eat. Today he had had enough coffee to not sleep for the next decade!

After purchasing the coffee he followed Felix again and was surprised that they ended up at the stall of Marinette's family. He sunk on one of the chairs next to the counter and watched his cousin waiting a few meters away.

"Could I offer you a croissant, son? I just came back with a fresh batch," a voice next to him offered and he looked up to see Tom Dupain smiling down at him. He nodded and eagerly bit into the soft, fluffy, buttery heaven of a pastry.

"Please, can you adopt me?" he asked, giving the big man in front of him his kitten eyes. M. Dupain just gave him a deep chuckle and gently patted his back. He seemed to think this was a joke. Adrien wasn't joking. He loved his dad, but if Marinette's family would be willing to adopt him, he would be gone faster than his dad could tell Nathalie to tell him to not be ridiculous.

The next moment he got distracted by a loud enthusiastic shout. He looked back and noticed that Marinette didn't stand behind the register anymore, her father had taken over for her.

Now she stood next to Felix, one of the travel cups in her hands. She beamed up at his cousin as if he had just saved her from months of torture, a blindingly bright smile on her lips and stars in her eyes. Adrien watched as Felix gave her the beans he had bought and Marinette rambled her thanks and hugged him.

And Adrien also noticed the faint blush colouring the tips of his cousin's ears, the adoring look he gave the girl, the way his everlasting smirk had softened into a small genuine smile and the pride swelling his chest.

Huh. Maybe his cousin wasn't quite as heartless as he had everyone believing. On the other hand, this was Marinette, if someone would be able to charm his standoffish cousin, it would be his sweet, talented friend. Good for them!

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It was weird at first. Having other people around was awkward, and Mari was even more stressed than normal. Chloe actually enjoyed their company and tried her best to make sure Mari got her down time. Things got better as the Sirens stuck to the rules Mari implemented, and the ones she added after the fact. Things like Bud and Lou weren’t allowed to destroy the furniture, or Ivy couldn’t just let her plants wander around the house. And the big one being that they were forbidden to train in the house. The garden was more than big enough and after the fourth broken window Mari was ready to commit murder no matter who paid for it.

As expected, the Bats were livid. The few times she or Mari left the property, one of them showed up immediately to try and figure out what was going on. The fact that the Sirens were maintaining their promise not to talk to any of them had everyone even more on edge. It was hilarious. So Chloe wasn’t surprised to walk out of the house and find Red Hood arguing with Harley, but what they were arguing about was another matter.

“Oh come on! It’s poker night. Can’t we just call a truce for a few hours? I need time away from everyone judging everything about me, and this is the only time that happens. We can play outside if none of you want me in the house, or we could go back to your place. I really don’t care. I just want to lose money and drink.”

“Sorry sugga, we made a promise. Why don’t you go to the Iceberg Lounge? I’m sure there’s plenty of people there willing to take your money.” The man actually pulled off his helmet to pout at her. He still had a mask on, at least.

“But you guys are more fun. Not to mention I can bitch about B and you won’t use it against him or me later.”

“You’re the one that was laughing at Nightwing when I called him out in civies.” The voice startled everyone and Red Hood even let out an unmanly yelp. Mari was just standing under a tree studying him. “You’ve died before.”

“Uh, yeah. So?” Chloe wasn’t certain which part of Mari’s statement he was agreeing to.

“You should get the Pit residue removed before it causes permanent damage.” Harley and Red Hood both froze.

“What do you mean, removed?” He sounded somewhere between shocked and insulted.

“The Lazarus Pits are an impure form of healing magic. You can get rid of the residue using a pure form of healing magic. Honestly, how does the Justice League not know that?” And now Mari was pissed, just what they needed.

“What constitutes a pure form of healing magic?” And now he just sounded confused. Chloe had to hide her own reaction since Harley was studying her and Mari. She had no idea what Mari was talking about, but no one else needed to know that.

“Wait, is this why Batman is looking for Ladybug?” Red Hood scoffed.

“Like I ever rated that high on his priority list.” Oh, finally a crack in the bat team’s lines. This could be useful. “Do you really think she could do it?” His voice was softer, and it seemed like he was trying not to get his hopes up.

“The Miraculous are powered by Gods, there isn’t much they can’t do.”

“Then why was Paris left in ruins?” Chloe was perfectly ready and willing to go for the jackass’s throat, but Mari just rolled her eyes.

“Ladybug could have made a world altering wish to reverse what happened. In doing so, she would have completely unbalanced the universe. At best, it would have created even more disasters around the world. At worst, it would have literally destroyed the universe. Please tell me what you would have done in her place.” Red Hood just gaped at her. “Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.”

“You seem to know a lot about this magic.” While it could have sounded accusing, Red Hood’s voice was soft and held a question more than anything else.

“I lost everything in that last battle. My home, my parents, my grandparents… I wanted answers, and I got them. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.” It made sense, but Chloe could tell Mari wasn’t telling the whole truth. She could only wonder if she’d ever get the real story.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Most of us were under the impression that Batman told Ladybug about her worthless partner at their last meeting before the fight. It doesn’t excuse anything, but I also won’t make excuses for the head asshole the way Nightwing does.” That finally seemed to ease some of Mari’s tension. Not much, but some.

“I appreciate that. You guys can use the gazebo to play if you want.” Mari wandered back to the house after that. Harley and Red Hood were just shooting each other confused looks.

“The whole not discussing us or anything you’ve seen here still stands, of course.” Chloe said it more to break the silence than because she was worried. The Sirens hadn’t shown any sign of breaking their word, and Chloe still didn’t get any mixed signals from them. Red Hood raised his hands in a placating gesture.

“I swear I’m not here to mine information. Honestly, watching B almost have a stroke every time the topic is brought up is more fun than I’ve had in years. Being able to say I was here playing poker might just finish the bastard off.” He sounded thrilled at the thought. Chloe was left wondering if Red Hood was just psychotic or if Batman did, in fact, piss other people off as badly as he had them. Probably both, if she was being honest.  

Red Hood turned out to be semi prophetic. They were in the middle of the game, Chloe had stayed to watch just in case, when Batman himself showed up on the scene. The man didn’t show much expression, but he was radiating rage. Before he could open his mouth, Chloe stalked up to him.

“This is private property and I want you off it. Now.” He had been focused on Red Hood, but now turned his glare to her. “Oh please. I’ve dealt with far scarier things than an overgrown furry. Get the hell off my property.”

“What did you just call me?” Red Hood sounded like he was about to pass out from laughing so hard behind her, but Batman just sounded confused. It shouldn’t be possible that he hadn’t heard that comment before.

“A furry. Go look it up on your own time.” And back to the glare. He really needed a better emotional range.

“Red Hood is coming with me.” It sounded like a demand, and Chloe couldn’t stop herself from making things worse. Baiting him just felt too good at this point.

“No, he isn’t. He was given permission to be here and it would be excessively rude to leave before they’ve finished and settled up for the night.” Red hood was still laughing, but he had toned it down a bit. She couldn’t see or hear the Sirens, but given the way Batman was glaring behind her, they weren’t much better. Before he could yell at them, another voice sounded behind him, filled with a cold fury.

“You were told to leave. Do so before we’re forced to make you.” Chloe felt herself shiver. She’d never heard that tone come out of Marinette before. The rage in it was bad enough, but there was a deadness to it that put her on edge. Batman turned and Chloe got a good look at the other girl… were her eyes glowing? There was no way that was a good sign.

“I only wish to speak with you-” Mari cut him off before he could continue with his obviously rehearsed speech.

“No, you want to interrogate us about things you have no right to know. Have you not done enough damage? Have I not suffered enough for you?” A smart man would have noted the ball of pent up fury and desolation in front of him and retreated to fight another day. Batman, apparently, wasn’t a smart man.

“What happened in Paris was regrettable-” He didn’t get any further before Mari stormed up to him, grabbed him by the clasp on his cape, and pulled him down to her eye level. It was the most terrifying and hilarious thing she’d ever seen.

“Do not use such insipid language to discuss Paris. Better yet, don’t talk about it at all. You have no right to. You and your team came in, did nothing useful, and then left with your tails between your legs. Don’t pretend you have any idea what Paris suffered under Hawkmoth’s reign, let alone the devastation that followed. Now get off our property and don’t come back.” She released him with a little shove and Chloe got to watch Batman barely catch his balance. It was a shame. She would have loved to see him fall on his ass.

“I hope your pity party is worth the consequences.” It felt like time had stopped. Chloe was too stunned to react properly, or she would have gone for his throat. Movement behind her broke her out of her trance, but Mari’s expression of pure disdain kept her from interfering.

“And what consequences would those be? If there was an actual threat, you would be dealing with it rather than harassing us.” He continued to glare at her and Marinette just huffed and turned to go back into the house.

“The magic users in the league think that the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous need to be active in the hands of a balanced pair to combat the fallout from what Chat Noir did in Paris.” Batman was obviously gritting his teeth, and it sounded like the words were being dragged from him. Mari stopped cold and tensed, but didn’t turn around.

“Then have one of them come talk to us about their concerns. I have a few things to say to them as well.” Her tone was firm, but there was a panicked undertone. Chloe was fairly certain that no one else would catch it, but as Mari stalked into the house, she thought it was best to shift their focus.

“You have your marching orders. Now leave.” Batman turned to scowl at her, but she just raised an eyebrow at him.

“I do not take orders from civilians.”

“Then you won’t get any information, period, and you’ll have the indignity of being removed from the property. It would be better for that inflated ego of yours to bow out gracefully.” He looked like he wanted to argue, but Ivy had apparently decided enough was enough. As vines began surrounding him, Batman sent a glare at the group.

“We’re not finished.” He tossed a smoke canister and disappeared. Chloe could only roll her eyes at the display.

“He’s off the property.” She assumed Ivy knew that because of her plants. Chloe felt the need to go after Mari, but she didn’t want Red Hood to think anything was wrong. The man seemed on their side, but she didn’t trust him not to say anything to the rest of his team. She also wasn’t certain Mari would want her there right now. The girl tended to shut down any time the Miraculous were brought up. She spent a good ten minutes panicking about it internally until Mari sent her a text.

Come up to my room once Red Hood is gone. I need your help.

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