bah.

Having memory problems because my brain is so messed up really makes me feel useless. I mean, I can't remember anything, I forget everything, I can't retain information in my brain, nothing stays with me for more than a minute. I feel like an idiot. I was thinking when they asked me my name, MY NAME, when did I become so stupid? I don't even recognize myself.

I hate having BPD because what do you mean by saying that no matter how good and calm my life is, I'm always going to relapse for the smallest stupidity or for no reason at all, simply because my brain decided so on any given day?

I think they deleted my friend's account- aaaa, voy a llorar. (/´△`＼)

It shouldn't be so tempting to relapse this month, dude, or maybe it's just me.

Trying to have a good relationship with your parents is so hard when they're such jerks. I hate them, and then I feel bad for hating them because I love them too, but they don't love me. If you love someone, you don't treat them like this. You don't treat them badly just because SOMEONE ELSE upset you. It's not my fault. I didn't say anything to you. Why are you taking it out on me? It wasn't my fault. Treat me well. Love me. I love you. Please love me.

"I'll always be with you" BRO JEEBJSHWJAJAHAJAAJJAJAJAJA.

This year sucks, 2027 will be my year.

I'm really proud of my scars, it's like, bro, I'm really good at this.

Ya la cague, me voy.

"You are not alone!" I literally am.

I haven't had a breakdown in a long time, and I know I should be happy about that, but I miss having breakdowns. I miss how it feels. I miss feeling this bad. I miss the rage. I miss the anger. I miss the urge to break things and hit myself. I miss feeling so awful. I miss being able to scream. I miss having breakdowns so much. I don't know how to explain it, I know I shouldn't but I really do.

I feel so alone, it's not even funny anymore. I'm completely alone, I have no one. I try so hard to keep people in my life, but they all drift away. What am I doing wrong? I want someone to tell me so I can change. I don't want to feel alone. I feel like I have no one. I'm always there for others, but no one is there for me. They only come to me when they want something or when they have problems. I like help. Don't get me wrong, but I'd like to have friends I can talk to every day, people who truly care about me. I want friends who don't stop talking to me for months for no reason. I want to stop begging people to be with me. The worst part is that they apologize, but they don't change. What's the point of apologizing if you're not going to change and everything will stay the same? I love them very much, but they don't love me back. I'm just the person they vent to and then ignore for months. They never invite me when they go out, they don't make plans with me, and they never consider me unless they're going through a tough time. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing them to be my friends anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore.

I feel so stupid for surviving, it's like, bro how could you fail at that? Damn.