Space Slut

this almost makes me want to go back to law school

i deliver pizzas & sometimes funny things happen

K.K. Dancing in the Moonlight

baseball different from how i remember it

all of human history and language has led us to this exact moment. holy shit.

Life is a garden and Death is the caring gardener

so this might be tmi but the first time i jacked off it was like 2005? I was playing the sims 2 for the first time and i didn’t know anything about Gay but i made my male sim kiss don lothario, which i didn’t think would work. i then googled “2 sims kissing (boys)” and that led me down a rabbit hole (lol sims 3 reference there), and yeah, ya know, I did the self-woohoo. that same night there was an oprah re-run about teenage pregnancy and i was horrified. oh my god, i was convinced i was pregnant, nevermind that i am a little cis gay boy with no uterus. nevermind that i was a virgin. i was CERTAIN I was pregnant. Like, 900%. I had done the nasty and had become filled with my own vile seed. I started getting really self-conscious about my belly expanding. I didn’t want to google anything about masturbation leading to pregnancy out of fear it would confirm all my worst fears. My male sim got abducted by aliens and came back with morning sickness. He gave birth to twin aliens. that confirmed it in my mind that it was biological possible for men to carry children, perhaps even their own.. what was i going to tell my parents when i gave birth to myself? anyway I went to the doctor with a cold and he asked me what was wrong and i told him i was pregnant and he pissed himself laughing. this whole ordeal lasted about 5 months, but the lasting effect will probably follow me to the grave.