Imagine you got a paper cut. But, it didn't feel like a paper cut. It felt like your finger got grotesquely ripped off your hand.
At first the pain is so intense you're afraid to even look down. You're in pure survival mode, panicking at the overwhelming pain.
But the people in the room are looking at you funny and telling you to look at your hand. It's fine. There's just a tiny paper cut. Calm down.
But you're screaming in agony. You can feel the blood gushing out. You don't want to look. You're begging them to help you. But they're getting annoyed. They think you're faking it or at best just dramatically overreacting.
Eventually you do look down. You see the paper cut. You understand they were right. But. You still feel the pain. And now, you also feel a wave of shame and embarrassment. Why does it hurt so much? Why couldn't you handle a paper cut?
Did you really overreact?
The pain was real. You could feel it. But the stimulus itself (the paper cut) doesn't usually produce it. Most people don't feel like that when they get a paper cut. But you did.
You were reacting exactly how most people would react to the amount of pain you were in, was it your fault that it took less of a stimulus to put you in that much pain?
Anyway this post is about a lot of things. Rejection sensitive dysphoria, chronic pain, sensory processing issues, all sorts of things can make very small things feel excruciatingly big.
So the next time you think someone is "overreacting" I invite you to try to understand it from their perspective. Their reaction may actually be more measured than it appears.
And I feel like I have to clearly specify here, that I'm not saying you should agree with their perspective. In my metaphor here, instead of getting annoyed and telling them "it's just a paper cut" try engaging with compassion.
"I see you're in a lot of pain, and I want to help you. But all I see is a tiny paper cut. Please help me understand what you need right now."
Sometimes just having someone acknowledge that my pain is real is enough to help regulate my nervous system. A little compassion, even when you don't understand, goes a long way.
