FEELINGS

God left me no title

You never loved me and it hurts. You told you me loved me and it hurts. You made me love every part of you and I’m hurt. You made me leave the only things that made me happy and now all I feel is hurt. I have no worth to my love or my name. And every time I think of the things you used to say my heart can't take the pain and wishes you would've just stayed.

I wish you could just love me. Please just love me.

I can feel that you don’t love me.

There’s a man that loves me. Maybe he’s not a man, but a boy. He truly loves me like a child. With a warm and gentle heart that follows me wanting to kiss all of my boo boos goodbye. The ones that you left. He wants to play doctor and give me a new heart but every time he tries I kick and scream like a baby. I take his heart instead and throw it on the ground before he can take mine and crush it like a bug. I push him down like a bully only doing what those in the past had done to me. I’m only protecting myself from the monsters under my bed. The ghosts in my room that haunt me. I am not worthy to love. No one will ever love me. I learned that from the man I once followed and praised. I will never forget my ABC’s. I will never forget the lullaby you engraved in my head. The song I will forever sing until I am dead. Lying empty on my bed. I am not worthy of love. No one will ever love me.

To know him is to love him, and I do.

I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

I will always love you. I know that now. I know that a part of me will always remember and cherish the little “love” we shared together because it was one of the best and worst things that had ever happened to me. Thank you.

After all this time, I’ve just now come to realize that you never cared about my heart and what you did with it. Good or bad. It was never your concern. You weren’t worried about wether I was in love with you or not. I was addicted to you. And that was all you needed to know. That’s why you didn’t blink when I turned away and tried to take my heart back. Because you knew… You had, and always will have control over my weak, weary heart.

I thought any thought of you had left and would never return. I found myself feeling completely empty and thinking about our “love”. I started bawling. I thought I was done. I don’t want you anymore, because I see you for the monster you are. But I guess I will always love you.

What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you.

The only feeling that remains from our loveless lust session is disgust. I’m disgusted with myself. How could I ever love something so pathetic as you? I’m disgusted with you. How could you let a love so strong it could hold you forever, go? I fucking loved you. I gave you all of me, and you spat in my face like a child.

Do you think you'll ever love thinking about me again?

I am so, so sorry that I can’t be strong enough for you. I don’t wanna cry. I don’t. But I really miss you. I can’t tell if anything is real anymore. Because being without you, is completely unimaginable even though I’m living that horrible reality. Please don’t leave me here. I don’t want to die without you. I love you so, so much.