doordash driver in cute lil dog ears came in earlier and i was like “omg i love your ears!!!!! so cute!!!” and she got flustered and was like “thank you i wish they were real…” and i love her so much i hope i can become her friend

no way you got the puppygirl doordasher high roll

They grow grants there like rhubarb

I’m watching The Big Bang Theory in its natural setting—playing in the background of a hot spiral room—and I can say within that specific context, it is a very charming show. Like the saltine crackers of media.

Hospital room. A hospital room. Not a hot spiral room. What a nightmare idea. And you all rolled with that idea. The idea that I was sitting in a hot sweltering spiral prison watching the Big Bang theory is actually what hell is. Bazinga.

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

hope is a skill

hope is a weapon you are trained to wield

8/27/2023

i suggest hope

my dead wife. the ad free internet

am I unforgivable or is it just thursday

sorry, i mythologized your boyfriend. yeah i took him and a few other boyfriends and merged them together with local folklore and mystic elements into one legendary figure. he's going to be really hard to pin down historically. sorry about that. I can make you his consort in some stories if that helps.