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Cosmic Funnies
trying on a metaphor

Xuebing Du

tannertan36
styofa doing anything
Cosimo Galluzzi
we're not kids anymore.

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

Misplaced Lens Cap

@theartofmadeline
Sweet Seals For You, Always

★
NASA
Jules of Nature
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Stranger Things
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@tryingtoread
I'm sorry but I have to share these tags

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it's midnight on the 1st of june aest
I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:
Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.
Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"
Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."
They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.
and every time, they sit in their seats like
the worst part about cardio is the laundry
“ancient Greeks exercised naked for spiritual or sexual reasons” no they exercised naked because they didn’t own automatic washing machines
severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person

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you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life
Tonight's affirmation: no one hates you, you probably just need to fucking sleep.
the cens intern came up to the team to do a tiktok trend “i’m passing the phone” that was approved by harris, he’s been promoted to director of communications. the players were having fun passing the phone with the most absurd comments about each other until it came to shane that hasn’t understood the trend and just said normal stuff “im passing the phone to my husband” “shane, no”
therapyspeak jigsaw: are you in the right headspace to play a game that could possibly hurt you?

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For a city to be walkable. It must also be sittable.
#every time I read this phrase the same thing happens#I read it as shittable and go wait that can't be right#oh right they were talking about public benches that makes more sense#but public bathrooms available without fees should also be a thing tho#cities should definitely be shittable#it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME
it must also be shittable
she's platonic about it but in my opinion, stratt 100% treats grace as her dead wife. she keeps a tacky fox trinket in her coat pocket. there's a framed photo of him in her study . he's grinning goofily in it (bc he's a dork). new guy like: is that her husband? / no, dumbass, it's dr. ryland grace, 1/3 of the hail mary mission. / oh, fuck. were they... ? / yeah, it's unclear. black-and-white montages of grace messing around in high-level meetings play every time stratt contemplates committing more environmental crimes. she looks up at the night sky and vaguely wonders if he's enjoying his space ramen. that's her dead wife. she killed him.
the obligatory trolley problem post
dirty dirty dirty

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it's so funny to me how scott and kip are drinking smoothies and buying novelty socks and moving at the speed of lesbians, meanwhile shane and ilya are stuck in individual saw traps but the saw traps are their minds and they forgot the instructions
I was half asleep daydreaming and I came up with the most cracky idea
Shane has been in face offs against Ilya for years, even if they didn't have their thing of the ice, he knows his face by memory. Which is why he notices when a mole in the underside of his jaw gets bigger.
It's the 2015-2016, middle of the hookup era, and he is truing to get this motherfucker to see a dermatologist, but nothing he says works. Ilya either distracts him or dismisses him with some stupid denial like russians don't get melanoma.
But the mole keeps changing and now its not even the same consistent color and Shane has googled the signs so he says fuck it, I'm gonna make him.
Shane uses his barely active public account to tweet a list of Boston based dermatologist and tags Ilya in each one.
This of course goes crazy with the fans because what the hell? Shane Hollander? Tweeting at Ilya Rozanov? Doctors? This is a very advanced very strange chirp? Is he calling his moles ugly?
The next time the Boston Raiders have a game the media scrum doesn't even try to pretend they came for another thing, they want to know about the Dermatologist Thread.
Ilya, at this point frustrated because his moles are fine, they're perfect, why is this a problem, so he answers.
"Hollander should mind his own businesses, he wants me to visit stupid skin doctor because he sees mole. I have lots of moles, always had, there's no problem here, it's normal mole!"
And Shane is getting out of his own game a few hours later, prepares himself to answer about the fumble in the second period when the media comes, and it's surprised when, instead, he gets shown a clip of Ilya's earlier interview. Now, this fucking reckless motherfucker, Shane explodes.
"You fucking asshole! You want to die by driving a Porsche into a wall be my guest! But you're gonna die of the most stupid thing in existence! A MOLE! A mole you decided not to check even if it changed size and color and it's in your fucking face where we can all see it every fucking face off with arena lights shining right into it! Why? Because you're stupid and you don't want to go to the doctor and you don't respect the sun. You're gonna die from a perfectly preventable thing and then what are I'm gonna do? I'm gonna be the best hockey player in mi generation with 10 cups and Harts and Conn Smythes and no competition because you're gonna be in the history books as that one promising dude who died from a mole. A mole! Go to the fucking doctor and use fucking sunscreen."
That one goes viral. That one breaches containment and goes internacional meme viral.
Shane Hollander Skin Cancer Awareness King.
There's "Go to the fucking doctor and use fucking sunscreen" T-Shirts.
Shane Hollander angry sneering face with the text "RESPECT THE SUN" under it.
Ilya Rozanov gets bullied relentlessly about it, everyone asking if he has gone to the doctor yet. He doesn't answer. Eventually, he appears with a new scar in his jaw where a wonky mole used to be.
A new meme begins, Shane Hollander has saved Ilya Rozanov's life. From a malignant mole.
@hr-rep you see the people of the internet are going to argue if Shane Hollander was the guy who noticed a suspicious mole in his lover's face and had to resort to public pressure to get him to get it checked
Or if Ilya Rozanov was the dude who fell in love because "oh god my hot rival started screaming at me and saved my life"
Chicken or egg situation and they never confirm it one way or the other.