Yeah So Youtubers Huh?

???they’re using imessage

Im her

Always reblog

As a former zookeeper we would hear this a lot. “If you don’t study hard you’ll end up cleaning poop for a living.” It’s the one time we’re allowed to go off on the visitors. I once heard my boss rant for five minutes at a lady, in front of her kids, about how he had a Master’s degree, how people literally worked there for free, and how dare she judge people without bothering to know anything about them. Later that day his boss came by and said, roughly, “She told us what happened. Thanks for not throwing anything this time.”

pick your battles. pick… pick fewer battles than that. put some battles back. that’s too many 

raccoons and their… little hands

Date someone who will date you

Need me a freak like that

I…. ordered something online several weeks ago, very late at night, when I was not thinking clearly. I forgot about it until I got a shipping notification in my email two days ago, and now I just have to live with myself knowing I actually purchased it. I’ll share photos when it arrives, because I’ve decided that shame should be felt sparingly and only for deserving things, but. Ugh. I can’t believe I actually bought that. 

I really hope it’s a mandolin because once my friend blacked out, bought a mandolin online, got said mandolin in the mail about 2 weeks later, and then subsequently decided, “Eh, what the shit, I’ll learn mandolin.” which is a pretty good way to take up an instrument, I think.

this item has no functional use and is way stupider than you’re probably imagining 

Look, I know I’m a lightweight, but I still don’t think “one cider” counts as drunk. 

all letters in my name are actually silent

it’s pronounced like *gust of wind*

Are we talking a poetic autumn breeze or a fart here

depends on your accent

“We didn’t used to have all this ADHD and Autism and stuff” I think what you mean is that people used to go undiagnosed and get absolutely no help and were forced to suffer through their life because they had no support or understanding whatsoever but sure, Janice, pretend my generation invented Autism.

My grandfather was legit diagnosed with ADHD at the age of about 80 and he was like “OH”

“we didn’t used to have all this cancer and septicemia and stuff, people just randomly dropped dead because the gods were angry.”

This is the first time in a decade that we’re having an Olympics without an accompanying Mario vs. Sonic videogame.

The greatest trick the health care industry ever pulled was to convince us they have to work in their pajamas

where’s my oscar for acting like i’m not falling apart 

@ people who write fic of siblings: we don’t constantly call each other “big sis” or “little brother” stop doing that

girls w low or raspy voices are hot don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

and this most DEFINITELY includes trans girls

@ all of u that hate mint ice cream: what happened

if you think i’m gonna eat frozen toothpaste you are Mistaken 

this forces me to believe that you’ve either never had mint ice cream or have never brushed your teeth