Play Hard Work Hard

Ilya wanted a Canadian passport and his contract was up, so Shane devised a plan that got him to Canada, to a team that would pay him his worth, and came up with a pretext for them to spend more time together and start to dial down the rivalry narrative.

Shane mentions how much he hates hiding and asks if Ilya is ready to spend another year hiding, and Ilya deflects.

Shane asks how Ilya is feeling, noticed he's struggling, and Ilya deflects.

Shane thinks about all of Ilya's trauma and gently suggests therapy, and Ilya shoots him down.

Shane doesn't leave Ilya to rot in Ottawa while he lives his life carefree - he's locked into a contract for three years longer than Ilya is (so Montreal probably offered him an 8-year contract while Ilya took a 5 year deal from Boston, both very normal choices) so it makes more sense for Ilya to be the one to move so they can be closer, and also, ILYA WANTS A CANADIAN PASSPORT. If Ilya had wanted to go for American citizenship, then that's a different story and maybe they should have talked about Ilya staying in Boston and Shane moving once his contract was up, but Ilya specifically wants Canadian citizenship and his contract is up first so it's an utterly moot point.

Shane asks after Ilya's mental health and gets stonewalled. He provides openings and opportunities for Ilya to speak up and gets rebuffed or Ilya doesn't take them.

myilya knows this about myshane and will take on ‘feminine’ roles like his life depends on it (his husbands happiness and comfort do, so basically the same thing).

someone asks a weird invasion question of “whos the girl?” and myilya is looking at them like they are the stupidest person alive and responding “it is not obvious? he is built like a fucking tank, i am manhandled into next week every night. you are in May? i am already in October from his dick.”

someone makes a comment to them about kids? myilya is looking down holding his lower stomach and sighing wistfully “will be a long 9 months, i am still convincing him that we are ready for a baby.”

someone chirps shane with some racist comment about the size of his dick? myilya is behind myshane with his fingers pointed up his hands slowly moving apart till he gets to around the size of myshanes dick and grins like a fucking madman and nods while he bites his lip, only thing he says to the player is “feels great”. myilya also makes the jerk off on you motion while passing the racist player and laughs.

Husk: Uh, Angel? I own every casino downtown? We got money.

Angel Dust:

Angel Dust: Huh.

(also his brother never becomes an asshole and addicted bc he didn't need to deal with their father + depression + their mom's death and his feelings about it)

Anyway ofc Ilya still pursues Shane with all he has and ofc Shane kind of fold for him (in every ways ehehehheheh i'm hilarious)

But also I have this scene in mind where Yuna and Irina talk during the draft after party and Yuna is internally grinding her teeth bc this woman's son took her baby's spot and victory but she is still being Polite so she's making small talk and.

Yuna: And what about your husband? He must be proud of your son too, right?

Irina, unfazed: Oh, he died a few years ago.

Yuna, assuming Ilya's parents were about the same age: Oh, I'm sorry! Was it an accident, sickness?

Irina, very obviously still in her thirties-not-yet-forty: Oh, no. Old age :)

Yuna, Who Knows How To Do Math: Ah. I see.

they're at the kingfisher after a game in new york and scott and some of the other admirals are there along with a majority of the cens and they're all having a good time. ilya and some random admirals player are chirping each other and ilya says something a little mean in the asshole way he does with a small tilt of his lips. and shane can suddenly feel eyes on him from scott and carter and troy and various other players, and for a second he doesn't get it. he doesn't get it, until all he does is snort in response, because well, it was true and also pretty funny and ilya really is the funniest person he knows, okay, and ilya nudges him with a small smile when he hears it, but then the stares slowly morph into something like confused gapes, and all of a sudden, he gets it. it's not the first time it happens and it definitely won't be the last, but shane starts noticing it a lot more and it continues to piss. him. the. fuck. off.

hayden giving him an expectant glance when ilya is half-yelling and groaning with a few cens in the bar at the soccer game on tv, like shane is for some reason gonna tell him to quiet down. scott giving him a quick side-eye when ilya chirps about his age on the ice, like shane is gonna tell him to stop; like he doesn't find the multiple layers to ilya's chirps to scott genuinely impressive, like he doesn't find it amusing. evan, though to his credit he was mostly joking, making a sly comment about shane needing to hold ilya back from fighting during a game, like shane would do that when ilya is well-fucking-aware of when to pick fights and when not to because he is the second-best hockey player in the league; like shane doesn't also find it unbearably hot when ilya has a little blood on his knuckles and dripping down the corner of his lips as he calls out mean little quips at the other team with a smirk on his face

because the thing about their relationship is that shane is undeniably attracted to ilya being an asshole. he thinks it's funny. it almost definitely also turns him on. and he likes when ilya is mean and smug and rowdy and a little shit. he likes when ilya is an asshole to him because that's their banter and their foreplay. he likes when ilya is an asshole to other people because he pretty much always thinks what ilya says is hilarious. (plus it's the fact that shane is also an asshole; it's just that ilya says it out loud more often than he does)

and so the thing about their relationship that, for some fucking reason, other people don't get is that shane, from the very beginning, has always and will continue to like when ilya is an asshole. and yes, they're married (shane also thinks some people seem to forget this, because why would shane marry ilya if he truly doesn't like ilya's personality. he thinks other people are a little stupid sometimes.) but they're also best friends and bond over being the best at what they do and how competitive they are and that they're both a little bitchy at times

Ilya cashes out everything he has to buy the team and turns it around with astute trades, reckless charm, and re-investments. He hits every business leader's 30 under 30 list by 27. The team loves him. Boston loves him. He, of course, meets Shane Hollander at an All-Stars game. 

Shane had been outed and booted from the Montreal Metros and took a season off for “personal reasons”. He had to reckon with his anxiety and internalized homophobia because the worst had happened and he was still living. Everyone thought that would be the last of the once-in-a-generation talent. But he re-emerged as the new captain of the Ottawa Centaurs and shocked every hockey fan with the comeback story of the century. The Centaurs are fiercely protective of their captain and Ottawa would die for him. 

Ilya and Shane fall in love as per usual and are outed as per usual. The press is obsessed with the narrative that business mogul Ilya Rozanov’s true genius is seducing star center Shane Hollander into joining the Bears. Ilys scoffs at the idea he needs professional motivation to sleep with his beautiful Shane but is quoted as saying “it would be nice for moya lyubov to live in Boston, my penthouse has such good morning light and a yoga studio around the corner” with a shit-eating grin. 

Tearfully the Centaurs ask if Shane is going to leave Ottawa to be with Ilya and Shane has really had enough of it. In his next interview, when he is asked about “his close association with the owner of the Boston Bears” he is ready. As coyly as he can, he responds, “You know, I know Ilya wouldn’t mind if I moved to Boston, but relationships are a two-way street and Tom and Greta (the owners of the Centaurs) are looking to retire, but want to make sure the team is in good hands, someone who has a reason to love Ottawa and it’s players and with deep pockets to make necessary improvements for how our team has grown. My parents,” Shane looks straight down the camera as he continues, “You know Yuna, Ilya, who takes you to farmer’s markets and talks finance with you? And David, who learned how to make Russian dumplings for you and can’t wait for you to visit again so you can start the new puzzle he just got? They love coming to my games, but would enjoy it more if a new owner could improve the stadium seats? And while I know your place in Boston is nice, so is the cottage here in Ottawa. You could swim everyday and I’d always have a towel ready for you.”

Because, really, why couldn’t Shane be seducing Ilya into buying the Centaurs? 

Now Boston is shaking in its boots, how can they compete with waking up to Shane Hollander everyday? 

- I 100% agree that Shane does not experience Queerness like Ilya does, I am fully in the camp of give this man a butch lesbian bestie and let him talk about Sports - he has a lot of internalised homophobia to take care off buttttt I love the idea of after he's like, accepted himself he goes. Right. Time to be good at Gay™. But like, he buys books on theory of sexuality and different identities, books about Stonewall riots and the politics of Queerness in Canada, goes to a Gay Event with the other hockey gays and is like, why is everyone drunk and grinding and wearing makeup, why does no one want to talk about Robert Dover who competed in the Seoul 1988 Olympics, the first openly gay Olympian, what the fuck is a Beyoncé

Ilya does love seeing old photos of Shane. Fat Baby Shane™ in all his forms, toddler Shane in his little hockey gear, Shane in elementary school with a big missing-teeth smile, Shane blowing out the candles on his 10th birthday, Shane holding up his brand new driver's license at 16. The list goes on.

One day Yuna finds an old disposable camera. The expiration date on it says 2009. She tells Shane about it; it might have some old photos from his graduation on it or something. She'd gotten a digital camera around that time so she can't remember what she used this one for. Shane is pretty indifferent about it.

Yuna sends the camera off to some company that still develops old camera film. It's about 15 years old at this point, though, so whatever is on it might not even develop correctly.

A few weeks later Shane and Ilya are over for dinner. Yuna tells them she got the photos back and they actually turned out ok. She hands over the stack of 10 photos. Shane rolls his eyes, but Ilya grabs the photos and starts flipping through them. The first two look like they are from some school event; there's Shane surrounded by similarly aged kids in an auditorium. There's one of the three of them on Thanksgiving that year and another of the three of them with Yuna's parents at the same dinner. Two of David asleep on the couch with the family dog clearly taken on different days. One of a Christmas tree in the Hollander's living room. The next two are Shane on the ice in a rink that Ilya recognizes as the one in Regina. The one from their first World Juniors Tournament.

And Ilya freezes. The last photo in the stack is a close-up of Shane. He's in a white hoodie with a black coat over it. He has on a dark green beanie and he's standing next to the door to the rink. He's smiling for the camera and his freckles are crinkled near his eyes. It's the Shane that so awkwardly and so confidently introduced himself to Ilya the first time they met. The Shane that had tried so hard to talk to Ilya then. The Shane that Ilya could admit to himself now that he'd had a bit of a crush on already. His Shane.

But this year he's not in Russia, and he slips into this warm syrupy slumber while Shane pets through his hair (incidentally making a disastrous mess of his curls) and reads his book. When Ilya eventually rouses, with a happy grumble of contentment, nuzzling closer into Shane's stomach, he can feels Shane laughing gently at him almost before he hears it.

"Did you sleep well?" Shane asks, and that sounds warm and syrupy too, and Ilya rolls over so he can smile at Shane and revel in the smile he gets in return.

And then Shane says, "Are you hungry? It's almost dinnertime," and Ilya realises he's been lying here, napping and pinning Shane to the couch and wasting both of their time, for hours, and he jackknifes upright so suddenly that Shane startles back.

"Fuck!" Ilya spits out. "I was--fuck, has been so long. Why didn't you wake me up?" already guilty because Shane had wanted to make some pasta thing that he was weirdly excited about and they'd talked about maybe playing more Chel but now the whole day's been napped away and--Ilya sneaks a look---Shane's book is lying closed on the couch, bookmark set neatly aside, so Shane had finished his book and not even been able to get up to go do something else.

And he's just smiling at Ilya, completely unconcerned that Ilya's been idle and asleep and... and... lazy, all afternoon, just glad Ilya had a good nap.

Shane's frowning in mild confusion at him. "Why?" he says, genuinely not seeing the problem. "You were napping, it was nice. I mean, if I'd needed to pee or something I'd have got up but I was fine." He reaches out and smoothes some of Ilya's hair down. "Oh, the pasta. We can do that tomorrow, we have all that salad from lunch and rolls and there's peaches if we want dessert."

Ilya must have responded somehow because Shane beams at him and says, "Cool, I'll go set the table if you want to go wash your face." He smirks and pokes at Ilya's cheek. "Got a little drool there." And then he smacks a kiss on Ilya's head, gets up, and trots over to the kitchen while Ilya just sits there reeling.

SIKE

THEY'RE GAY

And they're not some rare exception to the rule, either!!!

About 25% of black swan couples consist of two swans of the same sex (typically, two males).

These couples will court each other, build a nest, and raise their young together in a more-or-less committed monogamous relationship.

In fact, these same-sex couples have a high success rate of 80% when raising their young to adulthood, as opposed to the 30% of their heterosexual counterparts! Two big buff papa swans are better than one when it comes to stomping on invaders of nesting territory.

"But," I hear you say, "where do their baby floofballs come from? Does mpreg exist among black swans?"

Alas, no, but there is a very elegant solution to this. The swan couple may simply temporarily associate themselves with a female swan.

Afterwards, the female swan deposits their eggs and swims off free to live her single girlie life if she wishes (or, find a boyfriend. Preferably one who isn't already committed to another boyfriend.)

So whenever someone commits the naturalistic fallacy "homosexuality bad because unnatural >:(" I like to point out not only their glaring illogicality, but also, respectfully, there is homosexuality happening in the local lake right now.