self-control is a myth

I’m sorry your romantic foibles were overshadowed by a big ass atomic lizard thing.

Edit: this post is blowing up so I’m gonna shamelessly plug my art account. Follow me and I’ll draw the Godzilla lesbians @thenonbinaryfriendnamedcrumb

and the truth is that the team was playing against someone ilya and/or shane ESPECIALLY hates, which means shane was dropping the most vicious, lethal reads known to man and making ilya crack tf up to the point that they were attracting attention and the coach was just afraid of someone reading lips and getting them all in trouble

and signficantly, the three person buffer between them just keeps shane from SAYING his comments

After The Clouds Clear

Wait.

I.

Well.

https://wheelofnames.com/dng-wgq

yada yada I'm a native russian speaker etc etc here I go

ok so! the weirdest thing the show does in its notably well-done use of the russian language is the whole names thing. because they for some reason use full names all the time for some characters and it's just Weird. for example: calling someone alexei all the time is like Only calling someone Elisabeth. so. let's go through the characters:

alexei - full name. weird. bizarre. the usual dimunitive for alexei is Lesha. so that's like what ilya would call him if this was written by a russian

Leha - you are Extremely casual with this man. you are bros

Alesha - you are this man's parent/partner. you like him a lot. can be offensive if used with enough disdain

Aleshen'ka - so saccharine it's offensive. if aleshen'ka in question is over like, 9, he will probably deck you

svetlana - the normal short version of the name is Sveta. this is what ilya would actually call her

Svetka - dimunitive, casual, would be used in a jokey manner

now. ilya itself is a name that is a bit unusual bc it doesn't have a commonly used Short Form. so he would still be ilya to everyone around him.

Ilusha - dimunitive, sweet.

Ilushka - again, so dimunitive it's offensive.

What is curious about the "whiny fag" quote is not even the use of ilushka. it's the fact that the "fag" is also used in a dimunitive and softened form. alexei calls him "педик" which is, sure, a form of fag, but like, it's so soft and so commonly used it's not even evocative of the original meaning. obviously I do not know what the writers had in mind, but in general calling your brother a pedik like this would not mean "I Know What You Are". this exchange is more like. "you are being a whiny bitch, bro, knock it off". with additional layer of "I will always have authority over you because I am your older brother".

now. I am begging you, english speaking writers. do not attempt to invent dimunitives for shane. this is a fool's errand. I can't come up with anything normal sounding.

anyway. here is a short list of russian pet names that I think ilya could reasonably go for. I will write them out in russian and I encourage you guys to just plug it into google to learn how they sound bc it will be easier than my attempts to transliterate them

солнышко - "little sun"

солнце - "sun"

милый - "the one I like" (the word also means "cute" but when it's used like this it's more of the The One My Heart Favors)

котенок - "kitten"

ёжик - "little hedgehog"

зайка - "little hare"

I was going to say we see this in TLG but we actually see it in the show with the pool scene. He’s got a circle of kids hanging on his every word, he baits them on Shane Hollander and half-making one get out of the pool, and then he does the shark and pretends to drown himself while Shane is pointedly still looking at the kids and applauding.

"it would be preferable to have no structure or standardization and just go by vibes" ❌

For the sake of context, I'll say that I have one child who I used to homeschool and who now goes to public school. I taught him for his pre-k/young 5's/kinder years, including teaching him to read, and he is now almost done with his second year of public.

What I wish more parents understood is that, no matter how you school, a minimum of 50% of active learning takes place at home. And that is the absolute barest minimum percentage I can estimate, literally scraping the bottom of the give-a-fuck barrel. They may be going to a place that exists just to teach them for eight hours a day, but they're also going somewhere where they are contending with, among a great many other things, loud noises, weird smells, disruptive behavior, social awkwardness, and one teacher spread entirely too thin.

And all homeschooling does is replace a lot of that with not wanting to learn shit from whichever parent is teaching them because they already listen to that person telling them to act right at any and every other time of the day. One of the biggest reasons we don't homeschool anymore is that my kid didn't want to do a single thing I asked him to do when it came to learning. Every single lesson was an uphill battle. And now that he's in public school, guess what? He's the most perfect student any of his teachers have ever seen. His teacher last year literally said he's a model example of what a homeschool student should be, and I almost fell out of my chair because ma'am, if that was true we would still be doing this at home.

And I mean this with my entire everything: unschooling is a fucking garbage concept from start to finish. Your kid can absolutely have things they want to learn more about, special interests and hyperfixations galore. But I cannot over state that if teaching them doesn't feel like work, you. are. doing. it. wrong. They need to be actively taught basic skills, or they will fail as adults, full stop.

I firmly believe that the literacy crisis that is only continuing to escalate in the US is caused by sheer laziness on the part of parents. You have to put in the effort.

“Would be a long drive,” Ilya said with amusement, “from Washington.”

“Thirteen hours,” Shane smiled sheepishly. “I looked it up.”

TLG AU - post near crash but Shane does that 👆 after hanging up

spoilers for TLG obvs - just go read it already

Ilya is in a Florida IHOP booth with Harris, Wyatt and Luca Haas and he doesn’t feel real. He knows distantly that this is the combined effect of a hangover and the massive adrenaline crash after the near death experience yesterday. It’s unbearable and he doesn’t care and it feels like it will last forever.

He's been staring out the window at the parking lot without seeing it for probably too long.

“Too bad Chiron isn’t here,” Harris jokes. “That would cheer everyone up.”

Ilya’s mind fills with terrified puppy noises and his attention snaps back to his companions. “Then Chiron would have been on the plane. What the fuck, Harris? He would have been so scared!”

Harris puts his hands up, startled. “I was just saying. A puppy would be nice right now.”

Ilya glares and takes a bite of his toast and feels completely justified but also like he needs to bury himself in his phone. He pulls it out of his pocket while Harris tries to be cheerful.

He finds texts from Shane, the first of the day. They came in just a few minutes ago. Ilya feels his pulse lower and loses track of the conversation around him.

J: I did something stupid J: good morning also J: where are you

L: morning L: harris made us get pancakes L: what did you do?

J: IHOP or Denny’s?

Ilya’s cheek tugs a little like he might smile. He only ordered black coffee and toast for himself - he had no appetite - but maybe he'll take a picture of Luca's pile of whip cream just to gross Shane out. He's not sure why it matters if it's IHOP or Denny's (Florida is ridiculous, the two places are right next to each other in a hideous parking lot across the street from the hotel) and he doesn't care; he likes that Shane is texting like normal and not like they were both crying over facetime 12 hours ago.

I: IHOP, thank god, I could not have dealt with denny’s bacon today

J: oh good J: wyatt, luca and harris are cool right? Like they’re not… dallas kent?

I: they're cool

Ilya frowns after hitting send and scrolls back up through the short conversation. He never told Shane who he was sitting with.

I: shane... I: what stupid thing did you do?

There's a timid knock on the glass door of the restaurant, the one Ilya was staring out of minutes ago. He looks up again very slowly.

Shane Hollander is standing there in the Florida sun looking exhausted and anxious. He's in pajama pants and a McGill hoodie. There's luggage on the sidewalk next to him. He's shifting his weight from one foot to the other like a kid who has to pee. His face splits into an overwrought smile when their eyes meet and he waves and then winces at himself and crosses his arms.

"Roz," Wyatt says, "you okay?"

Is he? Probably not. He's hallucinating, which can't be good. Shane is in Washington. Shane's worst fear in the world is being abruptly outed. Shane doesn't like Florida.

Or maybe Shane feels like Ilya does, and all the reasons to stay hidden seem very, very feeble right now, so fuck it all and here he is, waiting for Ilya in broad daylight.

The hallucination knocks again, loud enough for Harris to glance over his shoulder at the door. Harris turns back to Ilya, his eyes wide and his mouth a perfect "o" of surprise.

"Is that... Shane Hollander?" Luca squeaks.

That's enough proof to get Ilya crashing out of the booth and running to the door. Shane pulls it open just as Ilya reaches it.

They collide together and barely keep their feet, stumbling in a circle across the sidewalk, Shane's arms tight around Ilya's neck, face buried against his throat. Ilya knots his hand in soft, dark hair and tries to pull him closer.

"Fuck," Shane is saying, "fuck, you scared me, fuck, fuck fuck-"

"How-how-"

Shane laughs against his skin. "D-don’t ask what I spent on that Uber."

ABSOLUTE CASSANDRA CAIN ONE-SHOT!!!11!!

Full art of Absolute Cass:

he's ripped

I just couldn't resist the pun!

MORTICIA ADDAMS!!!!

In Second Place We Have...

MISS PIGGY!

And Last, But Certainly Not Least We Have...

IZUMI CURTIS!!!