Unsorted Nonsense

And it seems like maybe, maybe, they might get just one more cup. It goes down to game seven, and Shane makes a spectacular no-look pass to Ilya that keeps them in the game, it’s all tied up when the quick, new, young left wing from Seattle tips one in at the buzzer.

And they’ve lost, and Shane will probably drive them both crazy for the rest of their lives occasionally going back to that game tape. And Ilya is knocking into him, disappointed but he knows this team (sans them) will be back there soon) and telling Shane it would have been almost greedy to have that last one, Shane has 6 after all. And telling Shane that he’ll make it up to him when they get to the hotel (they will make out and nip and fall into separate beds so they can stretch out and arrange ice bags as needed)

But as they watch the cup being passed around and the players’ families coming out to the ice, Ilya nudges Shane and they watch as a young D-man, he just finished his first full year in the MLH, wraps another young man in his arms and smacks a playful kiss on his cheek before turning his head and kissing him sweetly.

He’s just an average player - Shane thinks he could have a decent if not spectacular career if he keeps developing - and he kisses his partner right on the ice. The cameras don’t pause over the scene, no one on his team gives it a second look, it’s not even mentioned when Shane watches the game coverage.

There is a finite amount of memory on any given device.

No matter how good your game is, players will want memory for other things on their devices.

I was watching the scene again where Scott gifts Kip the tux, and it's hanging in the closet.

Now, we've already talked a lot about the metaphor of the tux being in the closet, Scott being in the closet, their whole relationship being in the closet, and everything that comes with that. But there's one thing I want to bring up that I feel a lot of people tend to overlook.

I've noticed a lot of people kind of shit over, or be overly critical of Kip, for wanting Scott to come out, or for being the one who essentially ended things, particularly around the "I miss my father" moment. People point out that Scott doesn't even have a father, and I get that. But it feels like a lot of people don't really seem to be looking at things from Kip's point of view.

Scott's Position Is Hard: But So Is Kip's

Like, I get that Scott is in a very difficult position.

It's not like he likes being in the closet. It's not like he's staying there out of his own enjoyment. It's that fear. He has been in the closet for such a long time, and everything around him, the environment, the NHL itself, the fact that not a single gay player has ever come out in the history of the NHL, all of it is a lot of weight on him.

He would kind of be the first one. And it's not like he's thinking about creating any kind of legacy or any other such grand thoughts. It's just that he doesn't have any kind of support system to fall back on.

Usually, for players, even for small, menial things, losing a match or getting an injury, there are usually subcommunities within the bigger NHL, within professional sports leagues, where you can find people who have gone through similar things.

There are health communities for injuries ranging from small injuries to really serious, career-ending ones.

Then there are informal communities of various kinds, like for people who find it difficult to be away from their families for long periods of time. Communities for people figuring out how to have a family while being an active player who's probably not going to be home for days, weeks, maybe even months at a time.

There might even be a community for people who have pets, and how to handle that while being an active player. But is there any community of openly queer players that Scott can turn to? In the PWHL, yes. But at that time, you're not really thinking about all these things so clearly.

These are things you can only see better as a third person, from the outside. But when you're in that situation, it's not always that clear.

So I understand Scott has a lot of pressure on himself, and his situation is not easy. He's not doing any of this out of his own enjoyment. It's not like he's staying in the closet for some malicious or selfish reason.

You can say it's a little selfish in the sense that he just doesn't want to lose the life he has worked so hard to build, but it's not selfish in the way that he wants to hurt other people or is getting some kind of sick enjoyment out of it.

But I also think a lot of people seem to disregard how difficult it must be for Kip to essentially go back into the closet.

Kip Has Already Done the Work

Imagine being someone who has already gone through that struggle. And I don't think it matters where you come from, whether you're from a more accepting and progressive place or an extremely regressive one.

I think every queer person does go through that struggle of that journey of figuring out who they are, having a lot of concerns about it, because suddenly you are out of the norm. You are not "normal" anymore.

Anything that you want to seek out as a representation of yourself, you have to seek it out. It's not just instantly given to you the way love stories are, spread out across all media, for children, adults, teens, young adults, everything in between.

Books, films, TV shows, songs, poetry. The love is always between a man and a woman; that is it. And it's like, the man will find that perfect woman for himself, or the woman will find the perfect man for herself. It's just there.

You don't need to go seek it out. That is the difference. You don't need to actively seek out hetero media of any sort. It's just there. You're faced with it, in all of its innocence or adult version, but it's just present. It's a part of life. It's 'normal'.

But anything with queer media, queer spaces, that is something you actively have to seek out. You have to take that step, or two, or three, to actually seek them out. And in that seeking out, even in taking that first step of wanting to look into queer media or queer spaces, there is always a struggle there.

There is a lot of struggle that happens when a queer person starts to recognise their identity and the fact that they might not be fitting what society labels as normal.

Then, going through that entire process where you try to fit back into the "normal" format, and it doesn't feel normal. But you also feel, Am I not being honest? Am I just giving in to woke culture or something? Am I straight and just fetishising it?

And sometimes even the queer community is not always instantly welcoming to a person, especially when they are still figuring out their identity.

So there are a lot of phases, levels you go through as a queer person finding your identity. A lot of anxiety, struggle, fear, insecurity, questions, a constant turmoil when you're trying to figure it out.

So I imagine Kip must have gone through that as well. Even if he realised his sexuality at a very young age, that doesn't mean he didn't go through some of those things.

But imagine having overcome all that, by the time Kip meets Scott, he is a very out and proud gay man living in New York. He has his life together, or as together as it is. He is happy. He is content. He has finally found his place in life, at least for that time. He's found his community, his people.

He seems to be an active part of the queer community. He is not some repressed person. And he is now used to being very open. He's not used to hiding because the people he surrounds himself with, his family, everybody knows.

He doesn't need to hide himself anymore. He doesn't need to hide who he loves or who he is involved with. He and his friends share stories, little anecdotes about their partners, all of that. He probably hasn't had to hide himself in a very long time.

But now, suddenly, because of Scott, and I'm not blaming Scott, Kip can't really share a part of his life that is becoming very important to him, with the people he cares about.

He can't share it with his father, his parents, his friends, or his community. He has only Elena, at the very least. And even there, he's so confused and anxious about what he can and cannot share.

So that scene basically is a very accurate visual representation of exactly this. It's not just that Scott's love exists in the closet; Scott himself is in the closet. And if Kip wants to be with Scott, he also has to take that step back into that closet. And that closet is lonely.

It is a small, enclosed space with just Scott and nobody else. Nobody else. It's very isolating for Kip to suddenly be unable to share.

When you have such a big secret that you cannot share with anybody, not your parents, not your friends, and even the one friend who does know, you cannot share properly with her.

You can't openly gush about your boyfriend. Everything is layered under a lot of repression and anxiety, what you can say and cannot say, what if somebody hears, what if somebody connects the dots, what if Elena accidentally says something to someone. There is also probably a level of paranoia there, no matter how much he trusts Elena.

"I Miss My Dad" Is Not the Whole Sentence

It's a very, very isolating time for Kip. And I know a lot of people are like, Kip is being rude to Scott by saying 'I miss my dad,' and how he can easily visit him. But it's not about that.

It's about how this one lie is basically making it almost impossible for him to interact with the people around him, because everything is coated in those lies.

Also, okay, how long can he really divert away people's questions and attention?

His parents ask him, "What's happening with your job?" Then they'd ask what's happening in his life, are you seeing anybody, and what is Kip supposed to do? Is he supposed to lie? And he doesn't like lying. He hasn't had to lie in a very long time. So what is he supposed to say there?

And the thing is, Kip wants to share how happy Scott makes him, how much brightness and love and good things Scott is bringing into his life, and he can't share any of it.

So he just becomes quiet. And then there's this weird, awkward pause with even the people he is so close to. He's never had to experience that awkward pause before with them.

So I just feel like a lot of people gloss over how isolating that time must have been for Kip. And yes, Scott is not some big bad evil person who's keeping Kip as a prisoner in his ivory tower or something.

But it is making it very isolating for Kip.

He cannot hang out with his friends properly because what if they start inquiring into his life? He can't hang out with his parents. He cannot be truthful with them.

He can't even fully be with his man as much as he wants to because he has his own commitments with his career. It's just a very isolating time.

This is not even going into how Kip himself is going through an existential crisis regarding his own career, where his life is going, witnessing the people around him move on to bigger and better things, while he himself remains stuck in that same position. Not having achieved the things he had thought he would have by now.

And I just don't think a lot of people understand how it must be to have already gone through that whole journey of accepting yourself, being proud of yourself, no matter what society keeps saying, because newsflash, homophobia still very much exists, even in places that are more progressive and have laws and everything.

You know, legally, everything is like, you know, in a straight and narrow pun, not intended, but at the same time, like the people are still very backwards in thinking that doesn't, that doesn't change, you know?

And so just imagine having already gone through that whole journey of accepting yourself, building your own little community, and then having to go back into the closet.

Just imagine how mind-fucking that is for Kip. And he never gives Scott an ultimatum. He never says choose me or lose me. He's just saying, I miss my dad. I miss my family. But what he's really saying is, I am isolated. I don't have anybody.

(Personally, I do think this isolation is better captured in the book, where we get multiple scenes of Kip by himself, in an empty apartment, or even when he's out with friends how difficult he finds it to stop himself to expressing what he really wants to say. Scott also notices it and acknowledges it verbally himself, even letting Kip know that he is not alone in that feeling and that Scott feels it too. Both a validation and a support.)

Scott thinks of Kip as sunshine. But what he's trying to do is capture that sunshine and keep it in the closet with him. And you can't capture sunshine. You can't keep it locked away in a closet. That is not where it can exist. It will eventually grow dimmer and dimmer until it dies, basically.

A lot of people latch onto the very literal meaning of "I miss my dad" and don't see all the things that are being left unsaid in that moment.

It's not just that he's missing his dad. It's not that Scott is keeping Kip locked up in a dungeon with like, handcuffs and everything.

It's not like that.

Camera rotates to reveal bat has been hanging upside down above a human doing the exact same visual gag and each ruined the other's bit.