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Serena Hawke

He gets to the cottage a day before Ilya's due to arrive to get all the groceries and snacks they'd need for their two weeks, but also to check the new arcade and it's absolutely perfect. He's so excited going to fetch Ilya he can barely contain himself. He thinks that he'll like it, but there's a small part of his mind that's like is it too much though?

"Excited to be going back?" Ilya asks, taking the hand Shane's been nervously drumming against the wheel. And Shane can't even really speak. He just nods, and brings Ilya's hand up to his lips to kiss it.

When they get to the cottage, Ilya immediately starts dragging him off in the direction of the bedroom, and Shane digs his heels in. Ilya turns around looking concerned.

"Something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," says Shane, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I just have something to show you and I'm not going to be able to think about anything else until I do. Come with me."

Ilya only looks marginally less worried as Shane leads him to the games room.

"See anything new?" he asks, and Ilya dutifully looks around for anything that looks different from last time.

"You have bookshelves now," says Ilya. "I did not know we would be doing so much reading this time."

And Shane laughs and tells him to take a closer look. When Ilya approaches the bookshelf and notices the little wooden loon, Shane knows his plan will work. As soon as Ilya tries to pick it up, presumably to chirp him about it, it tips and the bookshelf springs forward on one side. Ilya turns back to Shane looking like a kid at Christmas.

"You have a secret room now? A sex dungeon? My Shane, are you planning to do wicked things to me in here for the next two weeks?"

"Just go look, asshole," Shane laughs, following Ilya into the room, heart catching when Ilya sees it for the first time.

"An arcade?" he asks, awestruck. "You have an arcade?"

"You have an arcade. Or, I mean, we have an arcade." Ilya turns to look at him. "I know you've always wanted one and I want the cottage to be yours as much as it's mine so I, uh—"

And that's all he can say for the next few minutes because suddenly he finds himself crowded against a claw game being kissed to within an inch of his life.

"You're so fucking crazy, Hollander," says Ilya when they eventually part, pressing his forehead to Shane's. "A fucking secret arcade. Thank you, lyubimyy. I don't even know how to say it. Just thank you. I love you and your big crazy heart so fucking much."

And Shane laughs and presses a small kiss to his lips.

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Like, he’s generally fab with kids anyway but he has a near lifetime of knowledge figuring out what makes Shane tick (and twitch) and this is just a child who isn’t able to control their environment or modulate their responses to things in the way that Shane can.

So when they’re having dinner with the Pikes and Jackie is tiredly recounting the ongoing process of getting Amber tested and how lost they’re feeling, Ilya is like, oh, I have been training my whole life for this. And when 3yr old Amber inevitably starts having a meltdown, Ilya jumps up and says, “Here. I will fix. You stay.”

And they’re like, you know what, sure, have at it.

Within a few minutes of Ilya disappearing with Amber, the crying stops. When they track the two down a half hour later, they’re in the basement on the rug with all the lights off. Amber is wearing a pair of Christmas Pjs (notably a bamboo/cotton mix) despite the fact that it’s February, and she’s laying on Ilya’s chest, ear to his sternum, alternating tapping along as he hums, spinning his ring on his finger, and rubbing his shirt (also a Nice Fabric since obviously Ilya’s whole wardrobe is Shane-approved).

And when Amber sees the family + Shane trooping down the stairs and starts to get riled up again, Ilya is immediately like, “Turn off hall light. It is Dark Floor Time. Only quiet people allowed to join, okie?” And Amber lets out this relieved, shuddery little breath because she has someone who understands and can advocate for her which nearly ends Ilya’s life but also Shane is like, oh shit, yeah, I’m the the best at floor time, I love being quiet and grounded and aimlessly touching my husband, lets fucking go.

So even when the other Pike children get antsy after a few minutes, and their parents take them upstairs, Shane and Ilya stay, letting Amber crawl all over them and get chill before they get her ready for bed.

Afterward, Ilya gives Hayden and Jackie an exhaustive rundown of all the various things they might want to consider for clothing and food and overstimulation and regulation and they’re very grateful but Shane is listening to this going, okay some of this I obviously knew about myself but some of these things I didn’t even notice? Holy shit? He pays such close attention to me?? Hold on, some of these things I haven’t done since middle school. Ilya, did you talk to my mom about my childhood behavior?? And yes, Ilya gives Jackie Yuna’s phone number for additional consult until they get Amber’s official diagnosis and are provided with more resources.

(And maybe at first Shane wants to be annoyed about the fact that Ilya has been, what, researching and compiling some sort of manual on how to handle him? Right up until Ilya reminds Shane that Shane has an Ilya Spreadsheet that now contains over a dozen tabs of Ilya’s likes and dislikes, injuries and recovery protocols, training and diet and supplements, depression treatment with behavioral red-flags and mitigation techniques, and even sexual preferences. And Shane is like, oh yeah, okay, that’s fair)

But anyway. As the Pike kids grow up, Ilya tries not to be obvious about it, but it’s just Known that Amber is Uncle Ilya’s favorite. And everyone is mostly okay with that.

His doting is so quietly impactful for Shane, though, because here is a child who reminds Shane of his own younger self: a little odd, who struggles to articulate what she feels and needs, who gets overstimulated easily and has obsessive interests, but even so, Amber is a favorite and so loved and accommodated by his husband. That’s gotta be healing.

Also, as much as they try to get Amber to hyperfixate on hockey, I think it’d be hilarious if she became a horse girl and Ilya literally buys her a pony.

(Hayden: Oh my god, Ilya. Do you know how expensive horses are?? Ilya: Yes, yes, maybe for 15th best player on the Metros with one hundred other children, horse is big cost, but not for best player in the league married to second best player in the league with Yuna Hollander in charge of sponsorship deals. I set up fund for board and train. Is couch money.)

There is a character named Robert Thomson.

At work, he's known as Robert by his coworkers and Thomson by his boss. At home, the people in his neighborhood call him Rob. His parents, spouse, and closest friends call him Robbie. His best friend from childhood calls him Robbie and also sometimes calls him Roberto. The children in his neighborhood call him Mr. Rob but when he does volunteer work at the library the kids there call him Mr. Thomson. Children in the wild who don't know him personally call him sir. When he goes to anywhere with reception, he's typically addressed as Thomson.

But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.

And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.

Fictional characters are objects.

Stop telling people to encourage the cop inside their head.

How you treat fictional characters, given they are entirely objects of fiction, does NOT necessarily speak to your own character, and you do not need to be "careful".

It is not dangerous to imagine dark things happening to fictional characters. It does not mean you are secretly a bad person. It does not mean you unconsciously want to hurt people in real life. It is not a "slippery slope" to doing bad things to people in real life. You cannot damage your brain or turn yourself into a bad person by consuming "dark" fanfic.

Ok class, art literacy time. This image "Ceci n'est pas une pipe" (This is not a pipe) is meant to illustrate this exact lesson. A pipe is paraphernalia, a tool used to consume tobacco and drugs. Some places make it illegal to carry one on you. But this is AN IMAGE, not a pipe. It is art depicting a subject. You can have feelings about pipes and their use and risks but when you begin censoring art, you begin to surrender your freedoms as a human being.

A fictional story about a fictional person being abused is not abuse of an actual person. As uncomfortable as our society has become with so much as using the words for uncomfortable subjects is indicative of our society's slide towards fascism and puritanical repression. Art depicts life and, whether we as a society like it or not, abuse, domestic violence, rape, suicide, incest, child sexual abuse, addiction, homelessness, sex work and murder are all actual things that actually happen and most real life villains are never caught by the legal system. Burying discussions, censoring depictions and silencing artists only helps these villains.