We Deserve Respect

This shows us something fundamental about how the people who use tma/tme think. In particular, that the only meaningful way to discuss your own oppression, and in particular transmisogyny, is in terms of comparing oppression.

It is a hard mindset to break from and very easy to fall into. It's also an astoundingly prejudice way of thinking. It is one of the major roots of all exclusionist movements within the queer community. When I compare tma/tme to gold star lesbian, I mean that very genuinely. I don't think everyone who uses it is a bad person, but they are getting caught up in something that will end very poorly and be remembered as this incredibly toxic and prejudice thing that grew out of this need to directly compare your oppression to others - or in reality, the wildly inaccurate assumptions you make about how others are oppressed.

And it all seems so reasonable at the start. I get that. I really do. Just like it seemed so reasonable and obvious that lesbians are more oppressed than bi woman, and bi women would never really understand.

I don't think most of the early rad fems were bad people. I think they were trying to come to terms with and explain the problems they were seeing and experiencing and many of them inadvertently fell into prejudice ways of thinking. They tried out ideas and rather than dismiss them when they proved a problem they became attached, dug in.

The same thing is happening now. I don't think the people using tma/tme now are bad people. But they have adopted prejudice patterns of thought, have become attached, and are digging in.

Many people have pointed out how this idea poses being detransitioned back into being a cis woman as a privilege, or a less cruel fate.

But here's what I think those who believe detrans is better than death are missing, and also what they are implying.

They are missing/ignoring the countless trans men who would fight tooth and nail to remain as trans men. The ones who would refuse to go down without a fight. Who would rather be killed than made into someone's pregnant and barefoot trophy wife. And subsequently the consequences of doing that.

And then the implication is that detransitioning, for trans men, is either "not that bad" or...trans men would just comply. We would be told "You aren't a man, you're a woman, now lay down and get pregnant" and just...accept that? That we are somehow so malleable, so placid, that if enough people told us to stop being men, we just...would?

Like this is just some big game of pretend we're playing, rather than some major part of our identities?

Y'all know what I mean? "Society JUST wants trans men to detransition" as though us trans guys would just huff and sigh begrudgingly as we are institutionalized, forcefully wedded, and so on? That it's some mild inconvenience to be removed of our autonomy, and forced into something we aren't?

That we would just go along with it, while our trans sisters are murdered in the streets??

Like, are you fucking serious?

Plenty of transphobic cis folks are green. Virtually every trans-positivity account is red except for the ones who are unapologetically transphobic to at least part of the community. Countless trans women who vocally uses the term transandrophobia are marked red. Several trans women who dont even use the term but have at least on one occasion defended or sympathized with trans men are red. Several trans women who are bigender/NB/Etc with inclusion of any "male" or masc terms are red regardless of whether they seem to have anything to say about trans men.

It is BLEAK. I've been trying to remove reds and greens as I assess, but it is really really gross that it was a pretty well-known soft rule a decade plus ago that you didn't mark trans people red at all even if they were shitheads, unless they were actual proud terfs, because the flagging was guaranteed to isolate them from community.

Inability to assess risk and a total aversion to narratives that contradict what you assume to be the case for others is getting people into a lot of trouble.

If your advocacy for Black people stops at Black queer people your allyship is conditional. If your advocacy for Black queer people stops at Black trans fems, your allyship is conditional. If your advocacy for Black people has terms and conditions you have unchecked racist beliefs to unlearn and combat within yourself. That is something you desperately need to address in order to be a genuine ally to the most vulnerable demographics of Black people within our community.

Demi Lovato / Symere "Lil Uzi Vert" Woods / Stephanie "Jimquisition" Sterling

Demi Lovato identifies as nonbinary and pansexual and uses they/she pronouns; they are a singer, songwriter, and actress. Lil Uzi Vert identifies as gender non-conforming and uses they/them pronouns; they are a rapper, singer, and songwriter. Stephanie Sterling identifies as transfem, pansexual, and non-monogamous and uses she/them pronouns; she is a Youtuber and game journalist.

Christopher "Bob the Drag Queen" Caldwell / Jack Haven / Samira Ramírez

Bob the Drag Queen identifies as nonbinary, pansexual, and polyamorous and uses he/him and she/her pronouns; he is a drag queen, comedian, and activist. Jack Haven identifies as nonbinary and queer and uses they/them pronouns; they are an actor. Samira Ramirez identifies as nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns; they are an actor.

Jane Schoenburn / Alex Newell / Alok Vaid-Menon

Jane Schoenburn identifies as transfeminine and nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns; they are a director. Alex Newell identifies as gender non-conforming and gay and uses all pronouns; they are an actor. Alok Vaid-Menon identifies as nonbinary and transfeminine and uses they/them pronouns; they are a writer and performance artist.

Leo Baker / AJ Hikes / Suzy Eddie Izzard

Leo Baker identifies as transgender and nonbinary and uses he/him and they/them pronouns; he is a professional skateboarder. AJ Hikes identifies as queer and nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns; they are a social justice advocate and is the Deputy Executive Director of Strategy and Culture at the ACLU. Suzy Eddie Izzard identifies as genderfluid and prefers she/her pronouns; she is a comedian, actor, and activist.

Chella Man / Jiavani Linayao / F1NN5TER

Chella Man identifies as nonbinary, genderqueer, and pansexual and uses they/them pronouns; they are an actor, model, and artist. Jiavani Linayao identifies as queer and uses she/him pronouns; he is an improviser, drag king, rapper, and actor. F1NN5TER identifies as genderfluid and bisexual and uses he/she pronouns with a preference for he/him; he is a Twitch streamer, Youtuber, and OnlyFans model.

& then you can also consider how nonbinary people are less likely to have gotten surgeries than binary people (from here)

Access to gender-affirming care (GAC) varied across gender identity when comparing trans men to AFAB nonbinary individuals. For example, both groups highly desired top surgery; however, trans men were significantly more likely to have already undergone the procedure (32%) compared to AFAB nonbinary individuals (10%). Both groups also showed interest in hysterectomies, though access again differed, as 10% of trans men had undergone a hysterectomy, while only 2% of AFAB nonbinary individuals had. Overall, this indicates that while transgender men and AFAB nonbinary individuals often seek similar forms of care, nonbinary individuals experience a larger gap between desiring a procedure and receiving it, possibly due to systemic barriers or variations in how medical providers approach nonbinary transition-related care. When comparing across gender, some similarities exist between transgender women and AMAB nonbinary individuals in their desires for certain procedures. For instance, both groups wanted laser hair removal at high prevalences (54% of trans women and 58% of AMAB nonbinary individuals). However, transgender women were far more likely to have undergone the procedure (40%) compared to AMAB nonbinary individuals (15%), suggesting a greater gap between desire and access.

& not only that but it is harder to get surgeries that don't seek to create peritypical cis-typical genitalia, like penis-preserving vaginoplasty or nulloplasty. this is why it is so insidious that other trans people, who are FULLY capable of treating dysphoria as genuinely life-threatening when it comes to binary dysphoria, act like nonbinary people aren't seriously affected by dysphoria and especially when they take this to the point of talking about how we don't have the Trve Transsexual Material Positionality tied to the need for hormones and surgery and that's why genderqueer advocacy is to blame for transphobic legal attacks on the community.

like. okay so we all agree that dysphoria can kill people and cause immense suffering and this should be treated as an emergency. UNTIIIILLLLL its a nonbinary/genderqueer person and then its all "well just suck it up and get over it? what do you expect." hmmm i wonder why it might be that nonbinary people has such terrible mental health

I don't even just mean no operations, your health insurance won't pay for hormones bc nonbinary people apparently don't need them.

Troons be like "I was treated like shit by men and that made me want to be one instead of finding solidarity with other woman' and then say they aren't mentally ill 😭. And a father who forces femininity onto his daughter is a pretty standard experience for women. The way you female troons genuinely believe you face some magical extra form of oppression because you're delusional is so damn narcissistic. I truly cannot wait until ya'll get old and all the physical costs you've inflicted on your body in your attempt to play class traitor catches up and you can't stop waking up screaming because you don't remember why your breasts aren't stapled to your chest no more. Karma will be so beautiful 😍

The base logic this TERF used is no different from that of all you queers that refuse to accept transandrophobia exists. By calling it just "misdirected misogyny," you are agreeing with this TERF when she says it's a "standard experience for women." By saying we're not affected by a unique intersection of transphobia and misogyny, you are agreeing with this TERF when she calls us delusional and narcissistic (which is also ableist & saneist). By saying we need to shut up because we don't have it any worse than cis women, you are agreeing with this TERF when she wishes me prolonged suffering and calls me female. By lumping us in with cis men, you are agreeing with this TERF when she implies trans men transition to get male privilege or become part of the male social class.

Like I’m sorry but is this NOT just blatant fucking lesbophobia?

Fucking. ““Lesbians” who post nothing but male blorbo with the sunset lesbian flag”.

Are they a choice he has made, or are they a circumstance he simply has to live with? Is he low-income, does he have health care, does his health care cover gender confirming surgery? Does he have medical conditions that make binding dangerous? Will his family block him from pursing the surgery? Does his partner beg him not to lop them off because they’re so fun to play with? Will his transphobic boss get suspicious if he takes time off and returns with a flat chest?

Why are we assuming that the choice he has made now is the choice he will make forever, or a choice made without coercion?

And if he does retain his breasts fully of his own volition... why are we disparaging him for making a decision about the shape of his own body?

Every day tumblr users get closer and closer to saying you can only be trans in a god honouring way.

These screenshots are literally just white supremacist, right wing talking points about conformity to the status quo being more "transgressive" than people who actually transgress social norms. It's quite literally no different than Christians, MAGA, the right wing, etc. thinking they're the ones who are actually oppressed despite engaging with ideas, values, and presentations that have actually been the ruling class status quo for centuries. It's all taken from the same self victimization playbook.