kutner akgae

– 4x08 you don't want to know

Hi all!

With Rhod’s birthday coming up on October 18th, I wanted to do something a little special. I’ve had a small batch of custom-made pins produced, which I’ll be selling, with all proceeds going to Velindre Cancer Centre in Cardiff.

Choosing Velindre was an easy decision: Rhod has supported the charity for over a decade through his fundraising work, and it’s also the hospital that treated him following his cancer diagnosis. You can read more about that here: [click]

I have added some more information under the read more re: how to get these pins and availability.

She's not tainted(in house's mind) by addiction or disability. She loves Wilson fiercely and sweetly and doesn't use Wilson in the ways we know House to.

The death of Amber is like the death of the Ideal House. Either House before his infarction, or before his father (perhaps it was a gradual thing).

She represents all of the needs House has, but hates about himself. His loneliness, his need to be right, his sharp edges. When Wilson loves her it shocks House. When Wilson loses her, he tries desperately to save her. As much as he hates her and resents her (or those parts of himself), he understands how important she is to Wilson.

When she's gone, when House's addiction has hidden those more vulnerable sides away, his worst fear happens: Wilson leaves.

And the fact that she died runs into another big theme of House, that even though he is at fault to some degree for asking her to come get him, or making her drink, he's not at fault for the bus crash, or for her taking those flu meds. Bad Things Sometimes Happen.

it seems like thirteen really tries to give off this aura of someone who's calm, cool, collected, and confident; unattached; likes to have fun; very liberal and free-thinking; not quite 'bound' to the rules. a thrill-seeker, at times. and while i do think some of these are accurate (she does like to have fun, in both the 'enjoy yourself' party sense and the 'enjoy yourself, it's later than you think' sense- and also in the silly, goofy sense! see her w foreman in s5), some of them are disproven early on (calm and unattached specifically- in 4x08 she reveals that she's been afraid and hiding it through the entire 'competition' thus far). i think that she is not nearly as 'free' or open as she'd like people to believe. in fact, i think that thirteen is actually really fucking repressed, in every way except for her sexual preferences (because she is certainly not sexually repressed, especially not with everything we see in 5x05).

yes, she sleeps with strangers. she does illegal drugs and parties and fucks 'till the sun comes up . why, though? in lucky thirteen, she tells foreman she wants to have fun with the time she has left... but at no point in this episode does she look like she's 'having fun'. in fact, for most of the episode (except for her bonding with spencer), she looks downright miserable. so: i don't think she's doing any of it for fun (she even alludes to her partying as being a result of anger rather than a desire to have a good time; she tells spencer that after a terminal diagnosis "...you get angry... tell yourself nothing matters anymore. start doing stupid things [clubbing, drugs, sleeping with someone different every night]." we know from season four that thirteen's primary coping mechanism is avoidance (see: you don't want to know and wilson's heart). given that, i think that her bad habits are just another form of avoidance instead of indulgence. she's getting wasted and partying so she doesn't have to think- so she doesn't have to feel the fear of her uncertain future now that she knows she's terminal. and, like house said: "you get off on controlling women because it's as close as you can get to controlling what's gonna happen to you." it's not about the sex. it's not about having fun. it's not about pleasure. it's about pushing back the fear, the dread, the anger, just a little longer. it's about taking those little moments when you're drunk, or high, or lost in someone's arms, where time feels frozen, and stretching them out as long as you can.

this is what i mean when i say thirteen is repressed: thirteen is deeply in touch with the physical aspect of her body (which makes sense, considering she's been hypervigilant for probably years, wondering if every tremor is a huntington's symptom)- it's the emotional and psychological that she shuts out. she forces her emotions aside so she doesn't have to feel them, and they stew under the surface until something pushes her over the edge, and then they start to flood out bit by bit. we see it over and over- fear before her diagnosis, a different kind of fear after her diagnosis, the guilt about her mother she's been carrying in secret for years. we see it each time house pushes her to face what's going on: she starts out trying to stay neutral and set her boundaries, but nearly always ends up snapping at him in some way (whether it's actually a snappish tone, or saying something that hits hard and cuts deep) when he really hits a nerve with her. (<- i could write an entire separate post on house & thirteen's dynamic and how house interacts with her specifically irt: her emotions).

on top of all that, she doesn't let herself want things, not until season eight (at which point she's been to therapy for her terminal diagnosis)- and even then she's still plagued with guilt for just wanting something so simple, yet that she feels is so selfish. she tells House, "I just want to be happy", and despite that, House later correctly predicts that she's waffling on whether or not she'll come back to the team because she feels guilty about leaving her job in medicine. she WANTS to be happy, but she can't let herself! that's why house has to fire her. she can't- doesn't- let herself want. we see this back in season five, too: she doesn't admit that she wants kids until "big baby", when she's already in the clinical trial and feels confident that she's got a shot at extending her life and slowing the disease progression. In the same scene, while talking to Foreman, she references the fact that before then she never thought her having kids in any shape or form was possible for her. Thirteen is someone who would rather go without the things she really, truly, from the bottom of her heart wants, than deal with the pain of wanting something and then having life take it away.

My friends father passed away over night as well. I was wondering if the House MD community on here could help a fellow fan in their time of need.

I promise this isn't a scam or a compromised account post; happy to answer any questions.

“WE do need a bigger refrigerator”

“She [Cuddy] hurt my [boy]friend”

“Changing OUR address”

The actual conversation between Wilson and House when they were talking about moving into the condo together at the end of the episode ‘Wilson’ was actually very casual, but Wilson did say all those things to House. Below is the actual transcript:

“We do need a bigger refrigerator.”

“She [Cuddy] hurt my friend.” - buying the condo that Cuddy wanted to move into, was if I correctly recall, a power play by Wilson because in the Thanksgiving episode (it was either one or two episodes before ‘Wilson’) that Cuddy genuinely asked House to show up for Thanksgiving dinner at her sister’s house and Cuddy ghosted him to an empty house where I believe it was Cuddy’s sister or a cohort of Cuddy was waiting to give House a cold turkey sandwich. It was actually heartbreaking to watch to see House actually try to be social for his friend (and trust her) only for that to happen to him.

It also could be related to how Cuddy didn’t tell her two best friends that she was dating Lucas the PI and they both found out during the oncology conference because Cuddy, House, and Wilson hardly keep secrets like that from each other.

What normally happens is that House finds out that something is up, and continues to poke them until they spill the beans or he finds the truth. The whole ordeal with Lucas came out of left field for House and Wilson.

“Changing our address.” - At this time House still had 221B, but was under Wilson’s watch per House’s psychiatrist, so they had both been living at Amber’s old house. Wilson thought that changing to a PO Box Address when they moved into the condo would be better so they couldn’t be tracked by people from the hospital, but a few episodes later that was proven to be false. Either someone overheard them talking at work and started talking about it to everyone…until Lucas got wind of it.

this is so adequately put together i love ur thoughts about this

and yes!! i meant that they were Written Like Boyfriends/Partners As A Joke (bc haha homosexual funny /s)

for context ive watched the entirety (and rewatched nearly all of it again, im just delaying on watching the ending LOL)

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