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Actually the real reason I transitioned was because my parents joked so many times about returning me to the child store I decided to void the warranty.

Actually the real reason I transitioned was my dad complained about women in golf so much I knew it was a sure fire way to make him stop trying to teach me golf.

Actually the real reason I transitioned was because I'm really supportive of my wife but I wanted to make shopping for their tampons feel less awkward.

Actually the real reason I transitioned was to prove to a point about the ending of the Scottish play to my 8th grade English teacher.

Actually the real reason I transitioned was because slutty shorts for men went out of style and I couldn't give them up.

Have you considered doing standup comedy?

I prefer to sit.

Well then have you considered sit down comedy?

For sure, every time I stand up for open mic night, they says to me "sit back down."

one cool thing about having an autistic dad whose special interest is underwater spearfishing is that when he catches fish he'll just call up a nearby chinese restaurant like "hi. i caught a fish. can you cook it and i'll bring my family by?" and they're like "yeah sure come on over white boy" and the fish is delicious.

it's worth adding that my mom is chinese and she always gets embarrassed by this. like she doesn't want to come to the restaurant with us. she doesn't want to be seen with the white man she caught plus the fish that her white man caught. everyone who works at the restaurant thinks my dad is awesome and compliments him + her for choosing him and we all find this very fun except for her.

hate when people say something along the lines of "we must get along so well because you are/i am [some astrological sign]" to me. what are you fucking talking about. we get along because im fucking nice. a decision which i regret when you say shit like that

this post is a good rent lowering gunshot. in case anyone needs one of those

Nothing in the rule book says a dog can't play basketball. There are a couple rules against trans women, however, so she'll have to leave.

Maybe one reason time seems to speed up in adult life is because when your full time job leaves you roughly 5 hours of free time a day plus two days off a week your life turns into a sort of monotony that makes the days blend together and creative pursuits move in slow motion as you can only get to them when other your commitments are done.

When you look back and think damn 2019 wasn’t that long ago where did the time go? Job. Your Job took it.

Times are hard at the cafe so they only got Something bagels