blake kathryn
we're not kids anymore.
titsay
⁂
taylor price
dirt enthusiast
i don't do bad sauce passes
AnasAbdin
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Product Placement
d e v o n
@theartofmadeline
Andulka
Show & Tell
Cosimo Galluzzi
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
trying on a metaphor
seen from United States
seen from South Africa
seen from Oman
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Curaçao
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
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@trademarkednothing
And when Noah got to his ark,
the tears washing him up inside,
he didn’t know what to do,
but to pile the animals
one on top of the other--
panda chicken bear flamingo tiger--
higher and higher
until he was sinking
in all the things God promised him
and floating in all the life he left behind.
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Spoonie Problems
My friends think it’s cute and funny to make fun of how tired I am all the time, but it actually really hurts.
It’s today. But a year ago. But what does a year matter? What is with these cycles we must call something worthy to address remembrance by? Go on, silly turmoils. Go find somewhere else, something else, to be sad about. This one is just a reminder that oh how things change, and is it true that I walked through that moment without an eminent sinking feeling, or am I only now forgetting? This is what happens when you confuse the current moment with who you are and who you always will be.
Things I am learning:
CW: sexual assault
1. There’s no casual way to bring up
that you were repeatedly sexually fondled at age 5
by your much older cousin
and that your aunt blamed it on you
and that your mother, years later,
invited him over for Thanksgiving, and you
had to look him in the eyes across the table and
pretend nothing happened, and tell your mother
you loved her
before you went to sleep
2. People will say that Rape
Aggression Defense classes are good
and make sense, but when you
bring up that would have done
nothing for you when
your ex boyfriend followed you
into the shower when you were in
extreme pain
and drugged up
and rubbed himself all over you
after months of taking advantage of you,
because when you were 5 your aunt told you
you should just let him hold your stomach
like that, and you thought you
had to obey your elders when he wanted more
and ever since then
you think, shh just go with it
and don’t make a fuss
and it will be over soon
before you think no--
people just look at you a little
funnier
3. Reporting it will just give him a better
motivation to kill you
when he already thinks of you as just
a receptacle,
and you’ll suddenly develop
a pattern of locking all the doors
twice and of
not being able to catch your breath
whenever you hear
footsteps
from behind
4. People that preach forgiveness
may actually believe in it, but they
also may have bought it from the infomercial lies
of abusers who
wanted a get out of jail free card.
You’re not required to use this
in a game
of monopoly, but your peers
may be internally required
to beg of you for it for nothing
but to save their own skin and
make you look like the bars
of the cell.
This is not just a game
5. People will tell you
a lot of things
about what they think
or don’t think
about how women’s bodies are treated,
about how rape-ees
should act,
or how they get the whole
wanting to rip someone’s clothes off
before the yes,
and you’ll smile awkwardly and
wonder if you say anything about yourself,
they’ll be sympathetic
or defensive.
You’ll spend a lot of time just
smiling.
You’ll hate yourself for this,
but the smile won’t
leave.
(Be happy.
Be happy.
There is good in everything.
Everything happens for a reason.
Be happy)
For though a very few hours spent in the hard labour of incessant talking will dispatch more subjects than can really be in common between any two rational creatures, yet with lovers it is different. Between them no subject is finished, no communication is even made, till it has been made at least twenty times over.
Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
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Why I didn’t report my sexual assault
Because I didn’t have any proof that it happened
Because it happened before and who is the common denominator in the situation?
Because I tried but when I opened my mouth, no sound came out
Because I might have been able to stop it, but I didn’t
Because they say fight or flight, but they never mention freeze
Because does this make me culpable for my own crime?
Because is hanging out with guys when you don’t know how to scream no like holding the barrel of a gun to your throat?
Because if all it is now is a memory, will it be less real if no one else knows it happened?
Because I would have, but when the concept of rape is brought up at the dinner table, it’s usually as a joke
Because my pastor emphasizes forgiveness
Because I didn’t want to be the bitter bitch
Because there is such a fine line between justice and revenge
Because sometimes I have to imagine he’s sorry and everything is okay or I can’t go on living like I’m worthy to be alive
Because they said it would ruin his life
Because he said he would kill himself
Because no one asked me if I wanted to kill myself and I confused this for thinking I had no reason to want to
Because I wasn’t thinking about the future
Because I was barely surviving in the first place
Because it’s not something you can bring up without running into a debate
Because I didn’t want to make my trauma into a trial
Because when they mean not enough evidence, they say not guilty
Because I was emotionally exhausted
Because who’s really on trial? Me or him?
Because the burden of proof is heavy and I am already suffocating
Because I have a habit of avoiding things like not thinking about them will actually make them not exist
Because I’ve read the comment section on a news report about assault before
Because I wasn’t ready
Because by then, I waited too long
Because by then, this somehow is suspicious and everyone will pretend they would have known how to deal with my trauma better than me
Because I don’t feel comfortable when people look at me anymore
Because how do you casually bring up that someone pleased themselves using your body when you just wanted to be left alone? That someone made you feel like an outcast in your own home?
Because I was trying to think of anything but that
Because we have mutual friends and I couldn’t bear the thought of them supporting him
Because I’d rather live in the fantasy world in my mind where everyone supports me
Because sometimes I can’t stop crying and sometimes I can’t start and apparently both of these make me look suspicious
Because I carried on like normal for months afterwards
Because I didn’t want it to be real
Because society asks me to be a survivor, not a victim. So I’ve been trying not to act like a victim
Because I am trying to survive
Because will he kill me? Will he hunt me down? Will I ever be able to turn a corner and not be afraid to see him there?
Because restraining orders are only a piece of paper
Because if I didn’t believe he would ever do this, how could anyone else?
Because the sexual assault counselor told me that guys in our society were just raised that way- rough and without manners, like he just forgot to say please
Because I was ashamed
Because this made me crazy and depressed, and he’ll tell them that I’m only saying this because I’m crazy and depressed
Because it’s not hard for them to believe that a woman might be crazy
Because that’s a lot easier than believing someone would want to treat me like an object
Because I know this
Because I’ve been there
Because it wasn’t clear cut like they make it seem it should be
Because I woke up the next day still in love with him
Because I wanted to believe he was still in love with me
Why I Did Report My Sexual Assault
Because he started dating someone who looks kind of like me Because she could be someone like me
Because I want to finally be able look into a mirror and say, I love you and mean it
Holidays are so shitty when you’re a victim of incest.
Just always be waiting for me
Peter Pan
J. M. Barrie
Leave unsaid unspoken Eyes wide shut unopened You and me Always between the lines
Sara Bareilles, Between the Lines
Somewhere, her dark hair
is flowing over your shoulder,
tickling your collarbone, as she
presses her fingers into your rib cage.
Somewhere
the two of you are coloring each
other purple.
100 miles away, I am green as
the mad hatter. I am spoon-feeding
myself soup, mashing together all
the alphabet letters, swirling on my
tongue, mixing in incoherent
phrases
Y
Y
Y
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Why asking women to adjust their behavior to not be raped isn't the answer
Quite frankly, because it hasn't helped anyone and has actually had the opposite effect. So now, instead of having less rapes and rapists in the world, we have victims who are raped and then feel responsible. These people don't feel like they can come forward, or even admit they have been raped, because they feel like it's their fault and that they are guilty for not stopping it. It's created a blurred line for what rape is, and it's silenced victims further. This often leads to where they don't even feel like they can fight back or say no loudly during the assault because they already feel guilty for getting themselves into the situation. They think it's their fault for trusting someone, or kissing someone, or drinking, etc, and then the real cause of the rape (the rapist) is left off the hook. This is not a way to stop rape; it's a way to silence victims.
Cat Call of the Day:
*guy circles back around on his bike to talk to me* "You're cute. Are you nervous now?"
You can't rape the willing, so this time,
When he touches me, I fold into him deeper I sigh, I flutter, I do anything. Sit. Roll over. Doggy style.
You can’t rape the willing, So when I see boys, I smile, all lipstick and pretense. Running tongues over teeth, short skirts, bare feet, twirling.
I grow my hair out long, hand over the reins, I become careless with clothes, watch my body poised in the mirror, dead limbs like mannequins You can’t rape the willing, So I become unrapeable. Arms open, legs open, Heart– [closed]
This time when he slides his hand up my thigh, like a butcher smoothing out the skin of a pig he is about to slaughter, I drag him in closer I am unstoppable, inconquerable
I let the no’s poised on my lips pass for ohh, ohhhs! My voice suddenly clear, screaming
When you know something is going to happen, you anticipate its existence, when it’s no surprise, but then you finally hear about, it comes crashing in and it’s suddenly Real and you can’t rest on hope anymore, and everything hurts and the blood drains from your heart and you forget to breathe for a second That feeling? That feeling sucks
Taking advantage of someone’s inability to say no is not consent
This post is not gendered. Because gender doesn’t matter when it comes to this. Everyone can be a predator, everyone can be a victim.
Now that I made this clear, I just want to say how fucking vile it is to take advantage of someone’s inability to say no. Especially if the person taken advantage of is a survivor of csa / rape.
It is still fucking rape, even if it’s not physically violent, even if they go along with it, yeah, even if they don’t fight back at all.
Because guess what?
If someone’s too scared to say no and only agrees on it because they’re scared, scared the other will get angry, scared to get hurt, scared more violence will be used, scared a no won’t matter, then it’s still rape. It’s not consent. Consent is something given freely. Consent feels safe. Consent because of fear is not consent. It’s fear.
If you were in such a situation before and you had no possibility to escape, in a similar situation, it feels like you have no control over the situation. Even if it doesn’t look like it.
And it’s not that easy to just say no if you repeatedly had no chance for a no, never learned that you even have the right to say no and to act on that no without making everything worse.
I can’t say enough times how fucking furious it makes me.
Make sure the other person is really okay with it, before doing anything. Make sure the other feels safe to consent. Before touching them. Before kissing them. Before even hugging them. I know a lot of people that think it’s okay to see if someone’s okay with it by trying and if they don’t get rejected, they will keep going. And no, I don’t agree with that. Because to some csa / rape survivors it already feels too late to say no if the other one already started.
It’s also not okay to try to convince someone who doesn’t want it, to agree. Or to say you love someone just to get sex. No. That’s not okay. If you do it you’re vile and disgusting.
About consent, because is really important.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
“He’s like a Golden Wrecking Ball”
Spoonie Problems:
Needing to take some magnesium supplements that will hopefully lessen the leg cramps you're getting from your period (thanks adenomyosis ☺), but not being able to because you have to wait at least 4 hours after taking your thyroid medication or it won't absorb effectively 😊😊😊😆 Gotta love those overlapping diagnoses that make your life hell
