The Den of WORDS WORDS WORDS.

If I were Jesse I would take full advantage of Walter thinking I’m a dumbass and believing he’s the smartest person in any given room by saying progressively dumber shit and seeing how long it takes him to realize I’m fucking with him. “Mr. White what month was 9/11” and watch steam come out of his ears like Yosemite Sam

AAA video game publisher voice: "Look. The goose layed a golden egg, and that's nice! Everyone loved that egg. But keeping the golden goose means paying for bird feed and I don't want to, so I killed the goose."

it must be so freeing to be as stupid as a ceo. not a single thought echoing through that hollowed out skull. you get paid more money in 20 minutes than a handful of small countries make in a year combined to say the biggest number you can think of and if your company doesn’t hit that number you get to fire all of them

Girls who have been taking the medicine that makes you grow boobs for years will look in the mirror and go “what the hell I have boobs now, that’s so cool, wow” and then do the same thing again every few days

johnny cash's little brother jimmy pennies is 3 inches tall and has a voice only dogs can hear

Kelp gull (Larus dominicanus)

Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of someone else's actions that I am directly impacted and severely affected by

do you want a warm, weighted, vibrating plushie that acts like a heat seeking missile and intermittently stabs you? What I have just described to you is Felis catus and there is a dark secret to it

Imagine your bike has been at the Wright Brother’s repair shop for weeks and you see Orville suddenly whiz over your head in a contraption

hey. if someone tries to smear you on the internet for something asinine, what you need to do is block every single person engaging with the post and remind yourself that absolutely under no circumstances are you obligated to draft a PR response defending some out-of-context screenshot or kink fanfiction or thing you said when you were 15 or whatever put your blood in the water. you are not a public figure or a brand. you do not have to respond to something if you know in your heart it is bullshit.

Lots of good advice in the link above, but the one line that really sticks out to me: Don’t try to satisfy a public that is setting out not to be satisfied.

wish i could have been a fly on the wall for THAT conversation! not because i wanted to hear it or anything but because i'd be a lil buuuuug