10 Simple Things Transgender and Nonbinary People Actually Do Want From You
(written by an American in the context of USA culture/politics)
1) If you misgender someone, just say "oops" or "sorry" and immediately repeat the sentence with the correct pronoun(s), then move on. This shows you're taking it seriously, helps you build better habits. It's best to catch yourself, but you can use this method whether it's you or someone else who catches your mistake.
2) Outing is when you make someone's status as transgender known without their consent. This is bad. Sometimes it's a safety issue, and it's always rude. This is still true even when you think you're keeping someone anonymous and talking to random people, especially in these dangerous times. Need to process someone's transgender identity? That's fine, just be sure to talk to a therapist or someone else with confidentiality requirements.
3) If you know a transgender child, never ever post about that child's transgender status on social media. Ever. Outing is bad (see #2), and the risks are far greater to children.
4) If you know transgender people, ask them today how they want you to handle it if you hear people misgendering them, especially if you haven't asked them since all the changes that started happening in January. And then ask them if there are any contexts in which their answer is different. A lot of trans people will have different answers for different contexts for safety or other reasons.
5) If your state has anti-trans bills or laws (almost all do, even in liberal sates such as CA, OR, and WA), contact to your state reps to oppose them. If your state has pro-trans bills, write to your reps to support them. Regardless of whether you think your rep is on your side or against you, they tally every call and letter. It makes a difference. Get your friends and loved ones involved too. We need your voices, because state laws are how we are going to survive the Trump/Republican administration's assault on our rights.
6) Delete all references to Harry Potter from your social media profiles, and stop consuming any HP content/merchandising/theme parks in any way that gives Rowling money. Transgender people have been begging you to boycott HP and Rowling for years because she uses her HP money to fund significant anti-trans work with impressive/terrifying real life results.
7) If you have money to donate, give it to the ACLU, SPLC, or local organizations in your area that support transgender people. The ACLU and SPLC fight for everyone's civil rights, and local trans-supporting orgs save lives in ways you can't begin to imagine.
8) If you didn't already know that transgender people are being systematically targeted at historic rates by both state laws and the Trump/Republican administration, please sit down with your favorite search engine for 10 or 20 minutes, or read through the transgender politics blog Erin in the Morning. It's painful that it's happening, of course, but it's terrifying that most people don't seem to know. (Reminder: this is the sort of topic that AI is particularly likely to get wrong.)
9) When you take an action to support trans rights (calling your member of Congress, donating to the Lavender Rights Project, etc.) post about it on social media. Let yourself simultaneously act as a beacon of hope for your transgender friends on the platform and a role model for everyone else. It's not performative when you're building hope and encouraging others to take meaningful action. For those who like scripts: A short little post about what you did, why you did it, and a link for others who want to do the same is all it takes.
10) Honestly? Just be a real friend. We need it. Show up in the ways above, sure, but also all the standard friend things too.
