catgirl, fangirl, just vibing~

Snom (Paradox Drive)

But since I’ve gotten too disabled to fight anymore, I… find myself coming back to that maiden in a tower. It’s that funny thing, where subverting femininity is powerful for the people who have always been forced into it… but for the people who have always been excluded, the powerful thing can be embracing it.

As I’m disabled, as I say to groups of friends, “I can’t walk that far,” as I’m in too much pain to keep partying, I find myself worrying: I’m boring, too quiet, too stationary, irrelevant. The message sent to the disabled is: You’re out of the narrative, you’re secondary, you’re a burden.

The remarkable thing about the maiden in her tower is not her immobility; it’s common for disabled people to be abandoned, set adrift, waiting at bus stops or watching out the windows, forgotten in institutions or stranded in our houses. The remarkable thing is that she’s like a beacon, turning her tower into a lighthouse; people want to come to her, she’s important, she inspires through her appearance and words and craftwork.  In medieval romances she gives gifts, write letters, sends messengers, and summons lovers; she plays chess, commissions ballads, composes music, commands knights. She is her household’s moral centre in a castle under siege. She is a castle unto herself, and the integrity of her body matters.

know people love talking about this but what if! instead of trying to make plural notions connect to the events of the game! we just focus on how these characters connect to the experience of systems!

Sora

classic childhood host who doesn't realize his inconsistencies are reflective of something more complex vibes. he's super adaptive and can do anything and be infinitely sturdy and able to lock in at all times no matter what but he's just built different :) nothing's wrong he's so happy don't worry about it :) yeah sometimes he says stuff super impulsively and he doesn't really know why but that's probably just him being silly!

figuring out the system definitely leads to him having like. literal years of slowly pulling apart his entire identity to reflect on and figure out which parts of him are truly him and which parts are habits from masking other people's presence in front

it's hard to be your own person when you spent the formative years of your life letting other people pretend they're you, so for a while Sora's convinced he doesn't really know what he likes. he just does things that other people enjoy and likes making progress for them while they're gone. it's almost via elimination, when they have a hobby or favourite thing that nobody else in the system feels particularly drawn to, that Sora finally relents and admits that this is His Thing. believes that he's allowed to exist for his own sake, and not just as ambassador for the system

Roxas

protector/co-host who just thought he was Sora when locked in. recognizing their plurality made Roxas realize that he's not actually the person who's been here the whole time. "his" life isn't actually his, the life that HE'S truly lived is a mere fraction of everything he thought he'd experienced, and that is like. shattering, yk? feels like everything's been stolen away from him. he isn't who he thought he was. Sora took all that away and what does Roxas have left? the ability to keep Sora safe?

he wants so badly to protect Sora just like he always has, the brother he didn't realize he had, but he also resents him so deeply for everything that he represents. everything that it feels like Sora took from him

eventually he starts to figure out his personhood and how to be himself but it's hard, because he's ultimately part of a whole. yes he is his own person but this version of him could only ever exist in tandem with everyone else in the brain. it takes Roxas a very long time to find the balance in all of this, that he is both his own person and a vital part of a greater whole. the idea used to scare him, but now this collective love makes him feel right at home

Xion

she's the kind of trauma holder who's scared she's burdening everyone by fronting. every time she's front it's so exhausting and distressing and she needs so much help that it'd be really easier if she just didn't front, right? she should hold this trauma and go far away into the corners of their mind, lay down and be forgotten so that everyone else can breathe easier knowing that she won't hurt them by bringing back everything that's ever hurt them

but Roxas would miss her, he tells her. he already misses her every time she takes extended stays away from front, he couldn't bear the thought of never hanging out with her again

so Xion tries to front. she figures out what she likes, herself, as an individual. she lets herself have bad days and meltdowns and she doesn't switch out of every flashback. sometimes she does, because she can't handle it and she needs someone else to hard reset the brain - but other times she holds on, and Roxas helps calm her through it, and she manages to eventually ground herself down into the present reality that is safe and comfortable

Ventus

spent a long while dormant and only wakes back up when the analysis of systemhood makes everyone realize that someone from earlier in their life is unaccounted for, and somethign subconscious manages to drag Ven up to reunite with everyone that he didn't realize he knew, but also feel like such immediate family

he's a bit of a time capsule to days long past, he still has these little habits that everyone else grew out of. he talks and types different than everyone, he doesn't really care about most of their modern hobbies, and the world can be really overwhelming sometimes - but everyone missed him and he missed them back, even if none of them were fully conscious of the ways in which they knew each other

yet in spite of how hard it can be, how distant and removed he feels from their current life, it's ironically easy to relish in his individuality because he knows he isn't anyone else. he knows he slept in a time machine and woke up in the future. he starts to lead by example, trying new things and declaring favourite games and songs, because he's well-slept and ready to see what life is like when he recognizes the person that he is

Vanitas

persecutor who thinks he's helping the system by hurting it... everyone is mad at him but he's been hurt so much and these supposed """bad decisions""" kept them safe most of their life, so why is everyone telling him to stop??? he's always kept them safe and suddenly they don't TRUST HIM????

he's always been built of self-hatred but it just gets stronger because if everyone is mad at him then he has to expect them all to hate him or else it'll hurt too much so he just lashes out in turn, he tries to punish them for endangering the system by telling him to stop all the things that keep them safe, everyone just hates him they want him gone so he has to-

but then they like. they don't. everyone genuinely cares about him, and is trying to show him love and care in every moment possible while still keeping the system safe from the things he's trying to do. they know he doesn't actually want to hurt them, but they're trying to explain that he is. they have new coping mechanisms now. they're safe, Vanitas is okay, he can rest. these tactics helped them before, but they don't need them anymore. there are new ways that he can help keep them safe, without hurting them in turn