Do not mix with bananas

ITS GOING TO BE OKAY! YOU HEAR ME?

The spank just kills me

I keep going back to watch this video it just captures my sense of humour perfectly

Demön

When an NPC warns chaotic-aligned players to not do something

Demaaan?

I’m very grateful that our eyes don’t steam up like glasses lenses

it really be feeling like they do sometimes tho

that’s called ~d i s s o c i a t i o n~ baby

i dont dissociate bitch i just cant see

you need glasses

i have glasses

Life is an STD. Sexually transmitted and 100% fatal.

Living is not a fucking disease

Yet, it is one of the causes of every disease.

Isn’t the aliveness of viruses actually a hot debate topic?

Maybe EXP is real and nobody has killed enough to level up

Maybe it’s only for unarmed hand-to-hand combat….. Since if it’s not then the guys who dropped the a-bombs during WWII would be wearing epic armor.

Or..... We don't know how to spend those EXP points.....

Maybe EXP is real and nobody has killed enough to level up

Maybe it's only for unarmed hand-to-hand combat..... Since if it's not then the guys who dropped the a-bombs during WWII would be wearing epic armor.

Maybe EXP is real and nobody has killed enough to level up

Maybe it have to be hand to hand combat... or the guys who dropped the atomic bomb would have some epic armor right now.

Reblog in 10 seconds and $1700 will come your way

I have nothing to lose and 1700$ to gain

FOREVER REBLOG

I snorted so hard I was not expecting that

OH GOD!

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

i live for stories like these

You’ve never lived until you’ve Love and Logic’s complete strangers.

Cackling