🌐

• puberty

• child is not the same as adult

I suffered from depression and suicidal ideation from the age of eight. The few times I brought myself to ask my parents for help, they deflected, insisting that I was just sensitive, shy, a deep thinker. I did well in school and I obeyed my parents, so they didn't think it was a problem. At my worst points, I couldn't be alone with my thoughts at all. Hundreds of times I day, I thought about how much of a worthless burden I was, that I and everyone in my life would be better off if I was dead and gone.

As an adult, I tried numerous medications and treatment plans, some of which alleviated the depression briefly, but it wasn't until I sought out a psychologist that could do ketamine therapy/electroconvulsive therapy as last resort options, that she recognized/diagnosed me with ADHD. It's commonly overlooked in women and girls and often manifests as long-term, treatment resistant depression. I now take a combination of Vyvanse and Auvelity and my suicidal ideation is almost non-existent. Weeks and even months go by without me thinking about dying/killing myself.

The state of the world, especially for women and girls, is harrowing, but giving up on finding the right medication/treatments for a nineteen year old is unbelievably cruel. If my parents or any of the professionals I'd seen over the years had said, "Yes, you're right. It would be for the best if you were dead, and here's how to do it," I would not be alive now.

At age 28 I switched psychiatrists, and after another suicidal crisis was put on Adderall. I don't have suicidal thoughts anymore. It took 15 years to get to the root of the problem - I don't regret living any of them, horrible as they could sometimes be, and now I have so many more to look forward to.

her name was Marsha P Johnson, and we have her to thank for so much.

remember, the first Pride was a riot, and she was one of the brave souls who endured it to help carve the path which so many of us walk today. she helped found several activist groups regarding LGBT safety and wellbeing. and she was absolutely radiant, too.