ugh of course he has two mothers. they just had to make it woke. and one of them's made of cloth and the other wire too. sick of this forced diversity bullshit

No i didn't "forget to pack a toothbrush and a phone charger" its called on site procurement. Solid snake does it too

guy whos email is mario19 cuz he is 19 years old and when hes 20 he deletes the old mail and resigns up to every service with mario20 and when he gets to mario25 and its in use already he solidifies into a stone statue and stays in stasis for a year

you're cute and it's tuesday

my dipshit husband needs me to check in on him after he asked to be locked in a cage. if i dont do this tedious femdom bullshit with him he says hes going to go to the police about my insane southern gothic style relationship with my quasimodo style brother

The 'ingredients you can pronounce means it's healthy' line implies a world in which the kind of nutrition a person requires scales with their biology education and grasp of phonics. Which isn't true, of course, but sure would imply some interesting worldbuilding if it were

"Potassium cyanide. Arsenic trioxide. Polonium 210. Tetrachlorodibenzodioxin," I say, smugly and with full confidence, before downing the glass of wine my political rival insisted on pouring for me. Seconds later, she watches with a smirk as I collapse writhing to the ground, in the knowledge that I never could hit that "R" in "pinot noir" quite right

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

whoever's idea it was to have womens t-shirts have those tiny sleeves that go way up into the armpits must have done that maliciously

it's kind of crazy climate change has occurred at such a remarkable pace that I and everyone else around my age can remember a completely different climate in our childhoods. I truly watched winter gradually disappear in my life.

"You're too young to remember this, but there used to be so many insects outside that you would have to clean them off the windshield after a long car ride" is the kind of sentence that would have been in a cheesy scifi short story earlier in my life, perhaps submitted to a literary magazine and accepted to show support for its environmentalist message - now it's something I've said in earnest.

Free service with no ads: Okay so these guys are stealing my data