not beating the catboy allegations

there is a really stupid and embarrassing darkness inside of me

sob emoji is up there with the period and the comma

it is actually so important to me to be alone at my house

it is actually so important to me to be alone at my house

it is actually so important to me to be alone at my house

So I read (well, read and listened to, it was a hodgepodge) The Honjin Murders by Seishi Yokomizo, and y'all. Detective Kosuke Kindaichi is a tumblr blorbo just waiting to happen. He doesn't appear until halfway through his own book. And the literal moment he does he completely changes the tone. We start in the 1940s version of a gritty true crime podcast, and then in walks our man and we are suddenly in an episode of Columbo if Columbo was also a twink. He's just a silly little guy. He's a shabby slob. He is god's favorite little boy. I can only aspire to find someone who loves me as much as the author obviously loves him. He got bored at school and sailed to another country where he got hooked on drugs. Then he solved a famous murder and got offered a full ride scholarship to university (which he accepted because he was getting bored of drugs) by some random businessman who liked the cut of his jib and decided to make him an honorary nephew. ALL OF THIS IS JUST DROPPED IN BACKSTORY LIKE "OH BY THE WAY" IT'S NOT EVEN PART OF THIS INVESTIGATION. Despite that saga of a backstory he is only twenty-five. He is so excited to solve this (truly bizarre, literally how, I refuse to believe anyone besides the author actually solved how the murder was done in its entirety) case that he is stuttering. He is the babygirl of the entire police squad who start stuttering back at him, lovestruck, and his response is to go "are you making fun of me? 🥺😘" Anyway. I'm on hold at my library for the next book (third book? numbering gets wonky with translations done out of order), during which I have been told he has even more intense sugar baby vibes with an old buddy who is now a yakuza boss, and honestly I believe it.

*looks at polyamorous triad* so which of you is the soldier and which is the poet and which is the king

n-ooh-ooooh-body!

I love tumblr more than IG bc IG feels like I’m posting looking for a job but on here it’s like I already lost the job and my wife and the house and I’m just sitting on the curb talking to myself

GAY BRITISH JOHNNY CASH: [realizing this bit is too many degrees of separation from the original and opting for a bait and switch punchline] I shot a man in reno just to watch him die

We’ve all heard of masculinity in a peacock way, but I’d like to pose a new idea: femininity in an anglerfish way

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

love it when a location is evil. when a location fucking sucks. when intrinsically it is so bad and evil that it literally is in the air . this kinda works if its only something special can you imagine a parking lot being evil oooooh every time you park into me i subtly adjust my lines so that you're always slightly tilted

turn up the harpsichord. I can't hear the harpsichord.