millie :•)

cw: nightmare comfort, mentions of past abuse Triggered. Terrified. Confused. Startled. Angry. Sad. Dissociated. Hypervigilant. Sweat. Warmth. Tears. It wasn’t real. It’s not real. This is real– the blanket. Yes. You are in the bedroom. Your bedroom. “Princess~?” Soft. Our bedroom. Footsteps. I know they belong to her. Closer. Louder. “I thought I heard rustling in here, my little blanket kicke~-” Sudden. Shuffles. “Hey, hey, you’re safe. No one will hurt you. I promise, I pinky promise honeybun.” —--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mommy held me for a really long time until my edges weren’t so jagged and she could get through to me. She always knew how to ground me– rocking, deep pressure, and rubbing my back were my kryptonite, but so was her. The way her pheromones mixed with the shampoo, body wash, and perfume she adorned was the most soothing Holy Trinity. She continued, long after my heart rate decreased and my temperature dropped. Her voice winced, “I’m so so sorry you had another nightmare, baby.” My eyes scanned my view of the room from over her shoulder as I calculated a response. They sank to the bottom with the slightest frown. But despite my best efforts, nothing coherent came to mind. “I’m sorrrrry! I- I’m okay! Y-you can leave if you want please don’t feel obligated to stay this isn’t your problem and and I interrupted your work and and— I promise Ill be quie- ” I sobbed between hiccups. She pulled me back. Gently. Maybe metamorphically as well. “Look at Mommy, muffin.” I instinctively whimpered as I met her gaze. She took my hands into hers. “I am your Mommy, not your Mother, I don’t care how much space you take up. I won’t come in here to tell you to quiet down and continue my day. I won’t laugh at you or downplay your feelings either.” “Bu-” Mommy shushed me, putting her finger on my lips. “Ah ah, Mommy isn’t done.” “Sweet girl, I am your Mommy. I love you. My actions will always show my love for you. My door is always open and I choose to walk through yours in every universe. There is nothing I wouldn’t drop or put on pause for you, and I don’t care how many times I have to tell your sweet little soul this until it sticks.” I scanned her facial expressions and detected no hint of malice, no coerced compliance, no disdain, just nurture. “But I also know how your stubborn,” She began to boop my nose for extra emphasis,  “little, noggin, works, so here are some quick reminders: No I am not mad at you for this, you are not wasting my time, you are not codependent and giving me the sole responsibility of your mental health and or regulation, I promise I can handle this, and I still love you to the Moon and back.” “The Artemis II way or Apollo 11 way?” I chirped. Mommy chuckled before she kissed my forehead, “Always the Artemis II way, never in a million years would I cut corners with you, my little astronaut” A quiet, little voice bubbled to the surface, “Kay mama I love you toos.” Mommy picked me up and set me on her hip. To me, she was always the strongest Mommy in the whole wide world, she could carry all my weight, no matter the type or amount. “I think we need to get you some sunlight and movement, how about a scavenger hunt? We can find some bug friends, flowers, leaves, everything my sweet baby girl likes?!” She cooed. I gave a small nod, Mommy always has the bestest ideas! And the adult voice in the back of my mind knew she’d slip away for a few minutes to wash our sheets, but the little girl in control paid no mind, and as far as she knew, Mommy was just slipping away to get her a popsicle and iced water in her baba.

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Teeheehehe more self indulgent self insert comfort fics hehehehe! We was sad but I wrote as a good opposite action thing! I always share my writing cuz it seems to comfort you guys when you need it or just brighten ur day or maybe remind you that theres hope and just maybe its something worth trying for. kay bye fwends!!

- That’s Dana’s little lamb right there, and absolutely nobody in the Pitt is allowed to argue otherwise.

- Emma loves coloring. Give her a fresh coloring book and the giant 128-pack of crayons, and she’ll disappear into her own little world for hours, tongue poking out in concentration while Dana quietly works beside her. Dana keeps coloring books everywhere now - In her house, in the car, even stuffed into her work bag for bad days.

- Emma is a deeply anxious little, so Dana is rarely allowed out of arm’s reach once she regresses. Fingers hooked in her sleeve, clinging to her hand, curled against her side, Emma attaches herself to Dana like a baby koala.

“You’re my tiny shadow, y’know that?” Dana teases one day. Emma just nods solemnly and clings harder.

- Emma goes absolutely insane for watermelon-flavored anything. Candy, lip balm, slushies, gummies, you name it. If it says watermelon on the label, Dana’s already buying two.

- Emma is ridiculously giggly. Dana lives for it. She’ll do dramatic readings of discharge paperwork in a princess voice, pull ridiculous faces across the kitchen island, or loudly accuse Emma’s plushies of tax fraud just to hear her dissolve into helpless little squeaks.

- Princess play is sacred in Dana’s apartment. Emma owns dresses in every possible color and texture, complete with plastic tiaras and sparkly shoes she constantly trips over. Dana rotates between playing the brave knight, the queen, and the big bad dragon.

- Dana kisses Emma constantly without even realizing she’s doing it anymore. Forehead kisses while passing by. Cheek kisses during movie nights. Tiny absentminded kisses pressed into Emma’s curls while she’s half asleep. - Emma is obsessed with Barbie movies and Disney films. Dana swears she’s heard the entire Moana soundtrack often enough at this point. And yet, somehow, she still catches herself singing along. - Emma’s plushie collection amounts to a small army. Dana keeps saying she’s cut off from buying more, and then Emma gives her the biggest puppy eyes, and suddenly Dana’s carrying another plushie to the checkout counter. - Emma is painfully shy around other littles at first. Dana usually has to gently coax her into group activities, rubbing circles into her back while Emma hides behind her shoulder, but once Emma warms up, she’s the sweetest little thing in the world.

- Dana loves swaddling Emma in blankets after especially hard days. Emma gets all warm and sleepy almost immediately, blinking slowly up at Dana before inevitably passing out against her chest.

- Emma absolutely adores playdates with the other Pitt littles, especially Victoria. The two of them can spend hours playing princesses, coloring, or lining up plushies for elaborate tea parties while the adults supervise from nearby. Dana also finds endless amusement in teaching Cassie the very serious art of caring for little girls.

“No, see, the strawberry detangler matters,” Dana explains gravely. Cassie looks exhausted already.

- Bath time is one of Emma’s favorite parts of the day. Dana’s bathroom has slowly been overtaken by bubble bath bottles, bath bombs, tiny toys, and approximately fourteen different lotions.

- Dana adores Emma’s curls. Wash nights became a whole ritual without either of them really meaning for it to happen. Warm towels fresh from the dryer, detangler that smells like strawberries, soft music playing quietly while Dana patiently works through Emma’s curls section by section. It’s one of the few times Emma gets completely still.

- Emma loves being read to, even though she can absolutely read by herself. It’s never really been about the story. It’s Dana’s steady cadence and the feeling of being tucked safely against her side while someone she trusts reads the words for her.

- Dana learned how to braid hair entirely because Emma liked “princess hair.” There are bookmarked YouTube tutorials all over her phone now. Some mornings, Emma walks into work with little star clips or ribbons woven into her curls, and everybody immediately knows Dana had time off the night before.

- Emma is obsessed with stickers. Puffy stickers, glitter stickers, scented stickers, any of them. Dana has absolutely shown up to rounds with a sparkly dolphin sticker mysteriously attached to her ID badge.

- Consequently, Emma loves sticker charts. Dana jokingly made one once for things like drinking water, taking meds, and getting enough sleep, and Emma became deeply invested in earning sparkly stickers.

- Emma likes sitting on the bathroom counter while Dana does skincare at night, kicking her feet while handing Dana products like a very tiny assistant.

“Moisturizer,” Dana says, holding out her hand. Emma passes it over with the seriousness of a surgical nurse.

- Emma thrives on routine when she’s little. Same blanket. Same bedtime snack. Same movie she’s seen a hundred times already. Dana memorizes all of it without even trying because consistency makes Emma feel safe, and Dana would do just about anything to preserve that safety for her.

- Thunderstorms are terrifying for Emma in little space. Dana eventually turns stormy nights into cozy nights instead. Blanket nests in bed, Disney movies, warm tea for Dana, and watermelon juice for Emma, counting the seconds between thunder while Dana holds her close until the storm passes.

- Dana keeps emergency regression supplies in her hospital locker now without even thinking about it anymore. Crayons, Watermelon candy, hair ties, Strawberry detangler spray, and a tiny plush lamb. Nobody in the Pitt comments on it, mostly because everybody already knows exactly who it’s for.

Little nonverbal/semiverbal one, drawing on a little whiteboard.

Taking a while to tap buttons on a text to speech app, asking for juice or cuddles.

Watching cg or friends and just laying over laps and feeling content.

Rambling with markers on paper, babbling with spirals between sentences and cg reading over your shoulder and answering.

Pointing and making noises! Whining or meowing or going babababa or doing the throat raspy thing.

Making little secret gestures with friends or cg so you can communicate easily across rooms or in crowded places.

Stimming by repeatedly tapping the same symbol on text to speech app - meow meow meow meow

Borderline doing pantomimw when not understood immediately and your people slowly getting better and better at knowing what you mean.

People reading to you and you listen and tap things in the book .

Playing videogames with someone and them being okay with you using ingame chat or not talking or pausing the game so you can type or sign or write etc.

Quiet parallel play dates, maybe listening to cds together while doing stuff!

Okay. Hear me out on Autistic!Little Baran, inspired by @/doe-eyed-hashimi , my own experiences and the fact I dislike Robby!

Baran doesn't publically announce her autism to people. Of course she doesn't, it's hard enough to be taken seriously as a female person of color in the medical field, much less a disabiled one. So, she keeps it close to her chest. Not quite hiding it but not being open about it either.

Baran who feels fake in relation her autism sometimes because she doesn't fit the neat expectations of a female autistic person. She isn't super socially awkward, she didn't only start showing symptoms during puberty, she doesn't have societally acceptable interests. She learnt how people behave over the years and mimic them. She has shown clear and obvious signs since she was a toddler. She has a life-long special interest in reptiles and a special interest in the human body that started in her teenage years.

Baran who didn't get a nice, normal childhood. Parly because of her autism, partly due to her seizures, and partly due to other factors. Things she keeps even closer to her chest than her autism. And because of this, she age regresses. A mix of voluntarily and involuntarily involuntarily. Primarily involuntarily until she finds a caregiver or two that she really, truly trusts.

Baran who experiences verbal shutdowns when overwhelmed or experiencing strong emotions of any kind. She becomes completely unable to talk, and it's quite frustrating for her. Mainly because she never has been properly accommodated for it.

Baran who sensory seeks, especially when little. She likes feeling new textures, listening to music or TV in the background, exploring new smells. She likes petting every animal she sees and books with textures inside. She doesn't just explore the world through her eyes, she uses her whole body.

Baran who sensory seeks but also has sensory issues. She hates loud noises that she doesn't prepare for. She's picky with her clothes textures. She is weird with food. Yes, it doesn't make sense. She doesn't get it either. But she can't help it.

Baran who gets hit hard with burn out. It leaves her unable to get out of bed unless she has to work, struggling to get up even to eat or use the bathroom. She spends alot of that time little, too, unable to handle big thoughts alongside her bone-deep exhaustion.

Baran who has a really hard time expressing affection and love for people in a way that is socially acceptable or makes sense. Words are really hard. And she only likes touch when she initiates it, with a few exceptions. But when she expresses affection, it's hard for people to understand. They don't get that her sitting quietly with them, not not talking and both doing seperate things is one of her favorite ways to show trust and affection. They don't understand that her info dumping is her trying to let them in on her interests. They don't understand the love language of Baran Al-Hashimi. They just think she's she's weird.

Baran who isn't a typical little. She has meltdowns and is fussy and needs routine. She needs alternative forms of communication that aren't verbal. She stims often, usually in loud or obvious ways, because she doesn't have the same filter she has when big to suppress them. She needs reassurance but won't ask for it so her caregiver has to learn to / know how to pick up on when she needs it.

Baran who keeps her autism hidden from everyone at work for the longest time possible because Robby yelling at her and treating her like she was stupid made her worry about being infantalized. So she doesn't tell anyone, deletes her draft of an email to Gloria about accommodations as Gloria had offered them upon giving her the position, and just deals with the meltdowns after every few shifts that leave her little and alone.

Baran who watches and does the same things over and over and over. But she learnt when she was younger that friends don't like that and think it's weird, so it doesn't even really cross her mind to try have any kind of playdate or hangout with other littles if/when she knew them. They wouldn't like her anyways.

Baran who silently accommodates every autistic patient or staff member she comes across, because deep down, her inner child wishes someone would do that for her.

caregiver dana evans moodboard ≥∇≤

"come on now, little one. let's get that booboo fixed up alright?" + "good job, bub! that wasn't so bad, was it? come on, how about we grab some icecream, huh? i'm sure you'll be feelin' better after that."

bluey moodboard!! 🐾

2000s aesthetic toddler regressor!victoria javadi moodboard

• i love how echolalia turns into play (quoting shows, copying tones, animal noises, favorite words)🎧

• i love how stimming and regression blend together like for me oral stimming with a paci🍼

• i love how routines & sameness can become part of regression

• i love how sameness doesn’t feel boring it feels safe in age re🧸

• i love how we build very specific little setups exactly how we need them & that’s what lets us relax

• i love how regression can make the world feel more predictable when everything else feels too loud or confusing!!!🫠

• i love how special interests come into regression with us

• i love how we can play by lining things up, sorting, stacking, repeating & that is real play!

• i love how parallel play feels natural for us just existing near someone safely without pressure :) age re really allows for this even in online spaces🫂

• i love how our “little selves” aren’t always fully different from our big selves but i also love when they are

• i love how we can be extremely sensitive to many things and how regression can soften that intensity (sometimes at least… lol)

• i love how certain textures can instantly calm us

• i love how safe foods can become grounding rituals

• i love how our bodies show our feelings more

• i love how some of us need more support when regressed and some don’t & neither is “better” (this goes for not regressed too)🩷

• i love how regression can be the only time we feel fully unmasked 🎭

• and that it exists as a space where we don’t have to perform

• i love how trust means everything (who we regress around, who sees us like that)💖

• i love being an autistic age regressor!

• i love that even when i get overwhelmed i have a space in myself that at times feels gentler even with big upset feelings

• i love the autism spectrum and community♾️

• i love that i have seen so many of us in age re spaces

• i love us even though sometimes it’s the hardest thing to deal with!❤️‍🩹

you are never too old to regress, everyone should feel safe doing so.

you are never too old to feel small, its such a big world, sometimes you just need to be.

you are never too old to play with your toys, they still love you.

you are never too old too buy new toys, they want to meet you.

you'll always be tiny to me. <3